A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: This is my first time posting on DearCupid, and I apologize beforehand if my post is too long! I don’t really know where to begin, so I guess I’ll just start anywhere. My old best friend and I were best friends for countless years. I actually known her since elementary school, but it wasn’t until the end of middle school that we became best friends. Before long, we were almost like sisters. The both of us were incredible artists; in fact, we both were the best artists of our high school. It probably had something to due with how we spent a lot of our time drawing rather than going out parting and getting into trouble. One thing that I always noticed about my friend was how she always told me she was “jealous” of me, especially when it came to art. I hope I’m not sounding vain, but I did excel a bit more than she did at art, as sketching just came very naturally to me. So, sometimes she’d just sit and watch me draw. Instead of bathing in her attention, I used to teach her some of the things I knew, so she wouldn’t feel that way anymore. To be quite honest, I never wanted her to be jealous of me; because she was a girl of very low self-esteem and I knew on some level, it hurt her. There was an award I won for my artwork when I was a senior where only thirty students out of the hundreds of thousands of NY high school students received, and I never brought it up to her because I didn’t want her to feel jealous. When it was time to apply to college, we both had our eyes set on the same art school. As we looked into the school more, my friend and I discovered that it was a private school with a $50k+ a year tuition. I could have gone to the school, but my parents didn’t want me to take out so much in student loans. It may sound odd, but my father told me that he rather give me a “free ride” by paying out of pocket for my education, so when I graduate from college, I don’t have to worry about loans. Eventually, my parent’s response turned into a flat-out “No.” My friend decided to take the burden of taking out student loans, so she was able to go. Even if it wasn’t so financially wise on her end, I was extremely proud of her for going despite the cost. For the next few months after that, she made it a daily routine to mention the art school whenever she could. I mean, everyday. At first, it didn’t bother me, as I knew she was just excited. But, after a while, I started to admittedly feel upset. I really wanted to go to the art school and my friend knew about my situation with my parents telling me I couldn’t go and how I couldn’t afford it. I felt like she had no regard to how I felt and continued to brag in front of me to everyone she could – even people who she barely spoke to! Then, one day, she just stopped talking to me. She wouldn’t even LOOK at me. I had no idea what the problem was with her at the time, so I did the usual “Is there something wrong? You know you can talk to me about anything,” responses to her. After she kept walking away from me and ignoring me, I decided that it must have been something personal and she didn’t want to talk about it… But, that all changed when I saw her laughing and having a good ol’ time with my other best friend. I ended up texting my other best friend asking if she knew what was wrong with her, and to make a long story short, my other best friend was annoyed at me too. I realized they were both shunning me for some reason I had no damn clue about. This went on for days, long enough for my other friends and teachers to take me aside and ask what was wrong with her. In my opinion, I felt like her actions were childish and I wanted her to just talk to me about what was wrong, and my teachers agreed and tried to help but couldn’t do much. After a while, we spoke about it. It turns out that she thought I was jealous of HER going to that art school! I never felt so baffled in my entire life. I told my friend the truth about how she was making me feel, and that I was not jealous of her, but quite proud of her. She admitted to being quite “stupid” and told me she’d never do such a thing again, and that she was wrong. After that, we were friends again, but our friendship was kind of rocky. For some reason, I couldn’t feel emotionally close to her again after that (she did other really weird things like this to me before, so I guess this was the straw that broke the camels back?) Once the summer came, she changed for the worse. The last few times we hung out, all my friend would talk about was what she was doing with herself and what guys she was hooking up with, and how “drunk” she was (like it was something to be proud of.) I literally couldn’t get a word in edgewise. A few times I tried to change the conversation, and her response was “Oh… So yeah! About that guy, he was so cute…” and it was back to her again. When college came, we stopped talking completely. Last January, she randomly messaged me out of the blue on Facebook. It may sound normal, but at the time, it was strange because I never used Facebook and she was aware of that herself (I would only sign on like, twice a year LOL) She said, “We should hang out soon! Catch up?” and left it at that. Call me a paranoid wacko, but something didn’t feel right. While I was debating on answering her, I ended up hanging out with my other best friend (the one I mentioned before, we made up and we’re still very close and she’d tell me the truth about anything.) She still hangs out with my friend, so I told her to tell me the truth about if my friend was actually genuine about wanting to make up with me and hang out again. After a bit of badgering, she finally told me the truth: My friend “hates” my guts, thinks I’m a horrible person who is STILL jealous of her going to that art school, and she messaged me on Facebook to just be “civil” with me. I’m not even taking art classes anymore; I’m an English Writing major! I was hurt, yet again, and my friend told me that she didn’t want to tell me because she knew the truth would hurt me. Still to this day, we haven’t spoken. I have new friends now, but none of them match up to the friendship I had with my old best friend. Call me crazy, but I have dreams about her that we met and forgave each other, and other dreams are about us meeting and her selfishly bragging to me like she used to. Sometimes I want to message her and patch things up, but I’m terribly afraid that she’d hurt me again. A lot of people told me to not bother with her anymore, even my other best friend told me the same once I found out my old best friend blew my other best friend off as well. I’m a kind person and never wish to wrong anyone; so having someone absolutely despise me like she does feels odd. This may be an odd theory, but could it be that since she was jealous of me in our childhood, she is trying to find something for me to be jealous of her for once? Should I move on and let her go?
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best friend, facebook, jealous, move on, my teacher, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lucky786  +, writes (17 March 2012):
 You can't be friends with someone who gains their self-esteem from putting other people down. It seems to me like once she got into this art college and you didn't, she saw that as winning. For the first time in her life, she had won. Whether you are jealous of her or not is irrelevant to her. She suspects you are jealous of her because role reversal, she would be jealous and she is going to judge you by her standards. Sad but true.
I say you should move on from her. Cherish the memories of your friendship and time together but don't ever think things can go back the way they were. Too mauch water has passed under the bridge.
Oh and the other best friend that shunned you on the say so of your friend? I'd keep her at arms length too. If she shunned you before and hurt you, she can do it again.
A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (17 March 2012):
 wow!can i just tell you that i went thru the exact same thing but in my situation instead of art it was dance,both of us were very talented and we eyed the same dance school and when we auditoned i got in and she dint,so i stepped back cuz we decided that we would follow our dreams together the minute i stepped down she went and took my spot and she told me she had no choice her parents were pressurising her i forgave her and we were still friends and now she only brags abt the school,the new dance forms she learnt she startes talking abt me to other friends saying i am jealous of her,u couldnt take it anymore i cut her off from my life completely and honestly i am happy now,i have other friends who genuinely like and who care for me.it was a sad moment but i got over it and i am sure u will too
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2012): Do you even have to ask? It is obvious that your friendship ended a long, long time ago. Just forget about her. You are giving this issue way to much thought. Just because you used to be best friends doesn't mean you can't go your separate ways. That is what happened with me and my former best friend, and I couldn't be happier about it. Sure, I miss the person she used to be, but that person doesn't exist any more, she changed so much and I don't like this new, nasty person she has become.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2012): Hey hun if i were you i would leave her where she is. Sometimes people change for.the worse. This girl sounds as though she has some major self esteem issues and isnt treating you fairly. Let it go and move on, dont compare your friendships to those of childhood because looking back.they will always seem better than what we have now because we were all young and not tied down by the restrictions of adulthood. Leave her where she is, you clearly are a sweet person who deserves better friends than that. Xx
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 March 2012):
 Move on and let her go. Her loss.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2012): You're a very good and kind girl. Your dreaming about meeting her is understandable but you must let her go. Childhood's over and all these close relations change anyway. So, don't feel sorry for that, you'll find other friends self-sufficient anough not to feel jealosy in respect of you and have fun with you and be close. You know such things are pretty often happening with close friends.
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