A
female
age
36-40,
*lapure4
writes:Dear Cupid, I'm a 32 year old female whose responsible, ambitious and adventurous. I've also been a Christian for the past 5 years and attend church regularly, bible study, etc. I'm also abstaining from sex until marriage. Since my last breakup two years ago (and after relocating from the South to the Northeast), I discovered that meeting a Christian man that I would want to date are hard to come by. There are only so few of them, and then weeding out the ones who are serious about waiting until marriage makes it much more difficult. My sister and female friend who are married and non-religious have told me that I should look beyond the whole notion of "waiting" and have fun dating and finding someone I'm more compatible with in other areas. As a result, it would increase my chances of finding a more suitable partner/husband. I've also had conversations with Christian friends who've said that he's not worth dating unless he's in the waiting like myself. That's what the Bible teaches us, and I've wanted to stay true to the Word. Although, within the last several months, I've grown frustrated by some of the things that have transpired in my church and the hypocrisy (people saying one thing, doing another), and people having a say over how I should live my life according to His word. Because I'm such a strong-willed, independent person, I literally took a brief hiatus from the church to listen to my own intuition and see what God wanted for me. During this time, I also began online dating and met a guy who appeared to have things in order: a good job, his own apartment, car, etc. and referred to himself as a "Christian" with Christian values, but left the church earlier in his life due to similar conflicts and lives life on his terms. We had a lot in common in other areas, but disagreed on intimacy and sex before marriage. He was open to it and exploring it if we were to get into an exclusive relationship. Nonetheless, he would be respectful of my decision and wouldn't do anything unless I were ready. After meeting in person for the first time over 3 months, we had a wonderful date and time together. He actually drove almost 3 hours to meet me, paid for our brunch date, and we strolled around the city hand-in-hand talking about everything including dating. He was also a nice gentleman. Once he drove me to my place, we kissed and both of us felt an urge to go further. We did everything except have sex that night, but apart of me is feeling like I let God down (or that I've sinned in some way). And to do what I did on the first night after meeting someone? I don't want to be viewed as a lose woman! He's saying that I should enjoy the moment and relax; and my friend told me that I should have fun and take it one day at a time, get to know him, etc. Am I overreacting? Should I not pursue this guy because of our conflicting views on sex? I'm open to your advice on this subject.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2019): When God becomes a part of your life, expect to be tested, tried, chastened, and blessed.
The secular-world will tell us Christians that we should live by our own impulses, do what feels good, and don't let "church" make us feel restricted. Don't live a prudish life. Well, they don't have to account to God for our souls, answer for our sins, and/or what we do with our mouths, minds, and bodies. God doesn't mean anything to them. He's a myth, and the Bible is just a storybook.
Just believing in God; while you do whatever you want is not what we are taught according to His Word. You know that, and I know that. I had to confess a lot of sin from my past, and then repent of it. It's a daily process, and will be for the rest of my life on this planet. I want better than this; I want God in my life. I love Jesus!
If we leave church because of people; in most cases we weren't focused on God, we were too worried about the opinions of other people. Judgey self-righteous people spend a lot of time scrutinizing people around them; to avert all attention away from their own backsliding and sin. God has nothing to do with any of that.
Jesus gave the Pharisees a tongue-lashing for their hypocrisy and self-righteousness. Busy telling everybody how to live; while they were greedy, uppity, and vain. Ready to cast stones, when they knew they weren't perfect themselves.
If we take our eyes off the Lord; the evil one whispers lies in our ears, to pull us away from salvation. It's a long and difficult journey; so we may get thrown off-course from time to time. The Holy Spirit convicts us, and brings us back in-line. We pray and God forgives. Again and again!
"4 But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it." (Matthew 7:24 NLT)
Jesus said to the sleeping disciples: "41 “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Matthew 26:41 NIV)
We want to do the right thing; but sometimes the flesh wins out over righteousness. That's why we pray. We can't do it alone, it takes His grace to help us.
Your boyfriend knows sex will be readily available; and he will get everything from you he would take from a wife. Only he will not be as willing to commit to you in marriage; because he has gotten everything he wanted beforehand. That's just the chance/risk you take.
Three to five years from now, he'll get restless. You'll both likely go your separate-ways. At some later time in his life, he'll find himself what he considers a suitable wife. That is, after he has made you make every sort of compromise and sacrifice you could; with hopes it was leading to what you wanted. Meanwhile, you've compromised all your values, suppressed your guilt; and worried about how this all effects your walk with the Lord. God doesn't make us feel guilt. That's what the evil one places on us to get his jollies. He wants us to stray, then feel bad about it. It's total fun for him. God is waiting and willing to forgive us. Provided we are sincere when we ask. The point is not to repeat it, and ask for His help when it's too hard.
Your pastor would have been a better source for spiritual advice. Of course, reading your Bible as well. I know in these times, people groan and scoff at people like you and me; who want to live by faith, and follow the Word of God. We can expect to be persecuted, dreaded, and made fun of. It comes with the territory. People would rather we shut-up about God and Jesus, and the Bible. When your heart is hardened to it, none of it makes any sense. We're different and set-apart by our faith.
You see, we made the choice to be Christians. The test is what do we want, and what does God want for us? He wrote it all in a book called the Bible. People only care what feels good, what brings wealth, and whatever satisfies their selfish desires. You were taught to be spiritual, and to reach higher than your carnal desires. You made a deliberate choice to be a Christian. Try as they may, no one can force you to be. Oh, but you can't throw a rock without hitting someone who wants to separate you from your faith!
We might take a break from church. We can't take a break from God. Fortunately, He is merciful and kind. He understands our weaknesses; because He also walked on earth in a skin-suit, faced temptation, got hungry, and felt physical pain.
You will be told to just do what you want, by nonbelievers and those who do not take Christian-faith seriously. It's all fake anyway! It's okay as long as you're a good person. Just be a good person? Where do you find that in the Bible? I'm talking about God's Law. Not religion. Man made religion. God made us, and then made us a manual to live by.
You can't be righteous without help from God, you'll simply be behaving to appease opinions of "people." Christianity goes beyond just "trying to be good." We are seeking to be more like Jesus. You know just not doing bad things won't get us into heaven. He explained what we had to do. He died taking all our sins upon Himself, after setting the example. He is the way, the truth, and the life.
There are many things that I used to do; but there have beem changes made in my life for His sake, and the sake of my soul. Some things we should not sacrifice for the sake of pleasure; then turn around and pray for this and that. If we don't get it, who's to blame? He's not a genie and ATM. He wants us to love Him and obey Him. He gives us good things we don't deserve, and He even blesses people who don't even believe in Him. He's just good like that, and loves us so much. To a fault!
He will provide you the kind of man you want and deserve. He said; if you pray, He will hear, and He will answer. You have to be patient. He is always working on us to make us worthy and able to handle those things we ask for. He already knows before we ask, but we don't always know what's best for us; or when it's the best time to receive it. He knows! He moves when He wants to move. He is the sovereign, Almighty God. Creator of all things. Who tells Him what to do or when to do it?
You and only you will account for your soul, and what you do while on earth. Nobody else will answer for you, or take the blame for you, on the Day of Judgement. God doesn't put the spirit of fear, guilt, hate, or cruelty in us. That's the devil's work. You've come this far, seek your answers from God and ask a minister. Ask, and He will give you love, understanding, wisdom, revelation, and peace that surpasses all understanding. Even the desires of your heart. Does any of this seem familiar? I hope so!
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (8 July 2019):
 It makes me sad when I read posts like yours as I view organized religion in the same way as pyramid selling (the guys at the bottom making money for the guys at the top). Some of the most generous spirited and loving people I have met have had absolutely no religious affinity whatsoever. Most people understand the difference between right and wrong and can live a good life in accordance with their own moral compass. The bottom line of all religions is "don't be a shit" and most of us know how to do that. Not knocking people who wish to be part of a religious community, but just saying this is not the only way of living a good life.
Your new friend did not force you into doing anything you did not want to do. You were attracted to each other and took your date a bit further than planned. Why are you feeling guilty? Did you hurt someone in some way? If either of you were in a relationship, then my answer would be very different. We assume you are both single consenting adults. I would, perhaps, advise a bit of caution and to slow things down to a pace with which YOU are comfortable. Just tell him, "I think things went a little too fast last time. I like you but I want to take things slower." Keep to public places so that the temptation is not there.
That aside, I have to ask, do you want to abstain from sex because YOU believe it is the right thing FOR YOU or because you have been told it is the right thing to do? I was raised in the Roman Catholic religion and we were always told we would burn in hell if we engaged in sex outside of marriage and also, for married couples, if they used contraception. These days, however, many priests realize, if they keep to this hard line, they are going to lose what dwindling congregations they have as married couples are not going to churn out children by the dozen, or abstain from sex with their spouse, just because the church says they should. Many priests are now saying, "I leave it to your conscience". My conscience tells me to do what is right for ME. I would not do anything to hurt others as that would not sit right with MY conscience.
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