A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what to do... I went out with a guy for 2 and a half years from the age of 16 until almost 19. He was 4 years older so 20 when we met. In short- i got kicked out of home a week after we got together and he had just been kicked out a week before so we began living together, him supporting us with his drug dealing money. He soon got into smoking and selling ice (crystal meth) and got hooked on it and got me into aswell. Over the course of our relationship I put him into rehab 3 times for it(I stopped smoking ice when he went to rehab the first time), we lived in many backpackers, a 40yr old drug dealing, ice head prostitutes apartment, a dingy boarding house full of junkies and his parents place. After he went to rehab the first time he promised to get off the drugs but kept doing and selling them on the sly when I was at school. It will take too long to explain everything but basically he hurt me every way possible. Feeding me drugs, bringing me into that life style (he didnt tell me she was a hooker when we moved into her place), cheating on me with the hooker and her friend which he always denied until i found photos of it :( he got very violent, sliced my thumb with a bread knife in a rage so i had to get mirco surgery on it, left me with all these old sleazy drunk, druggie men after we had opened the door to 3 guys wearing balaclava's holding guns to us and he wanted to go inject drugs with the neighbour, woke me up with an axe to my throat when he thought i was cheating on him (which i wasn't), started to beat me badly at the end of the relationship and so much emotional abuse and all the lies. The problem was i was so vulnerable when i went into the relationship and just wanted be held and loved and he had drug induced bipolar so when things were good THEY WERE SOOO GOOD and when they were bad THEY WERE SOOOOOOOO BAD. I felt lost and like i couldn't breathe without him, our love was so strong. It got to a point where i thought i was going to have a mental breakdown i couldn't handle it anymore, his parents expected me to be his gardian angel and get him out of it all but i tried and tried and he would still lie to me and treat me badly, my friends hated him and it became horribly embarrassing being covered in bruises at work, theres only a certain amount of times you can say you fell over drunk. I had to get away.It was a long messy break up over more than 6 months he kept threatening to kill himself. I couldn't not have him in my life so we tried to be friends. We were on good terms before i went away to asia for three months so i gave him my pet turtle to look after.The day before my birthday whilst i was away he posted up photos all over facebook of him and his new ex-stripper girlfriend. Photos of him kissing her ass and licked her fake boobs etc and under each photo there were comments he'd written like "hey jess* dont miss you at all im too busy pumping her" and there was a comment from her being like " heard you really loose maybe you should try pilates you slutty whore, cant wait to see you, i'll punch your head in". I was so hurt and confused why he would do this when we had been on good terms and agreed we would never say anything bad about eachother and if either of us got with someone else we wouldn't flaunt it in eachothers faces. I didnt respond to any of the facebook stuff so when i got back form my holiday he sent me all these messages being like if you dont talk to me i will cut off your turtles head and send it to you in the mail etc. etc... and ive hardly spoken to him since as i moved cities, except when he called a few months ago to apologise for everything as he was doing a self help program. I have just been angry and not really missed him for the past 6 months but lately i really miss him. He's the only person in the world who knows me so well, seen all my ugly crazy sides and still loved me. I would NEVER get back with him but would it be really dumb to speak to him?? H called me yesterday because he said he wanted to hear my voice and i tried to play it so cool like i was so disinterested in him and just gave one word responses to any questions and then said i couldnt talk, i was busy with friends.. but secretely it was nice to hear his voice. I'm going back to sydney this week, for a week to visit my friends,would it be a really bad idea to meet up with him???? Does forgive and forget only apply to circumstances that are more easily forgivable?? I could never forgive him but its all past history now and i just miss talking to him. I feel the only revenge ive had is showing him I can be alright without him and im in a new city with lots of great new friends having a wicked time so to keep this up should i not speak to him??????? I feel like he doesn't deserve to have a friendship with me after everything he did and if I had a friend in my position id tell her not to meet up with him or even speak to him........I think my problem is I never fell out of love with him I just got to a point where I knew I had to give myself more respect than putting up with his mistreatment.I'm so confused... Is this normal to feel this way???Please help me before i do something stupid
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2009): thanks so much everyone i really appreciate you taking the time to give me your advise.. and you're all so right.. i think i just needed some one to say the things you've all said to finally end the battle that was going on in my head.. i feel like i just needed to say i missed him because if i said it to my friends they'd think i was an idiot, but now ive said it and read your responses i have no desire to speak to him again.. i will never speak to him again! he's just a memory now :) thanks so much x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): Please stay strong. You already know it's bad for you to go anywhere near this abusive person! You said it yourself, to help you before you do something stupid. I was in an abusive relationship for years, so I know how hard it is to let go, but if you don't, he will destroy you! Yes there are good memories, but don't fool yourself into forgetting the bad ones. Maybe that can help you when you're tempted to see him or talk to him. Just remember how much he hurt you, and that he's with some other girl now, trying to make you feel like dirt compared to her. No one who loves you would do that. It might sound cheesy, but sometimes I just keep telling myself that I deserve better. This is a bad time for you because you're feeling lost without him, but please believe me when I say it doesn't last forever.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 September 2009):
You must absolutely stay away from this guy. No matter what. There are other guys, far far nicer ones. Find one of those instead. This guy will only hurt you a great deal.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): Obviously, he doesn't love you or he wouldn't mistreat you. It'll hurt but you have to take care of yourself first. Don't see him again, even once. He'll try to use you to the last drop if he can.
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