A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys, I'm currently in a relationship with a guy I met through a house share (which i'm still at) and I really couldn't be happier. We bring the best out of each other in so many way and he's made me realise why it never worked out with anyone else. Our contract for our house is ending in summer and we started dating only in October so we haven't been together long. I'm currently in a position with my work where I need to move to another city within the year to make use out of opportunities as the place where I live now is not the best for the creative sector. I know I would be really happy with the kind of jobs in somewhere like London for example, so it's always been a possibility and quite there was always a point where I knew i'd have to consider it. London for me would be good but I do love the fact i live in a small city and there's a really lovely homely feel here. My boyfriend is wanting to move to London and his family is near there too and he's been asking me lately what I want in the future and if i'd go with him as he see's a future with me and wants to persue things. The only thing that's holding me back is that we haven't been together long and I really don't want to ruin things between us as we're so good now. Me and my ex lived together and it was the worst decision i ever made - however i don't want past experiences to hold me back, only learn from them.Should i move with him? And if so, does anyone have any advice about how we could make it less intense for us or has anyone ever done this?Thanks in advance!
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 February 2019):
 I'm from a VERY small town in Denmark, when I turned 18 I took a year off before college and got a Job in London and it was the BEST :)
This new guy IS NOT your ex. Things didn't work out with your ex, because you weren't that well suited. Living together only brought that out. You have LIVED with this guy for 4 months (even if it is a house share) and get on well, so maybe it's very different for you two. HOWEVER, it's ONLY been 4 months.
Look around and see what job options you HAVE in London. No one is saying you HAVE to live there for the rest of your life, but it might be a good career move to get some more challenging work experiences under your belt.
And IF you and your BF do not work out, finding a room mate situation might not be too difficult in a big place like London.
Or like Chigirl suggested... MOVE there separately, find jobs and keep dating until you are BOTH ready to live together.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 February 2019):
 You can both move to London without living together. I suggest you do that as the move in itself will be a big enough change in your relationship. Then if you want to, you can move together in another year or so.
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A
female
reader, LolaK  +, writes (28 February 2019):
I say if you feel like it is a good decision to go with him, if you're ready, and if you see a future with him too, then go for it. Don't feel rushed into it though.It's understandable that you would have fears considering your past relationship. What about living with him was bad? If it is something that you could actively try to avoid happening, then perhaps consider that. However, it could be a case of not knowing what a person is truly like until you co-exist with them and learn that you find their way of living too incompatible to yours. If this is the case, then I agree with you that I would not let that hold you back.As for other advice about moving in, the best advice I could give is to try to learn from your past and what you didn't like, and apply that if possible (I'm not sure since you didn't give details). Other than that, make sure to set aside quality time to spend with each other at the end of your day, and openly communicate with each other. This will help when talking about finances, seeking employment, doing your bit around the house etc. If you have an issue, just try to talk about it calmly before you get frustrated and it comes out in an angry rant that could make him defensive and argumentative - again, communication is key. Most people don't argue productively, rather emotionally. Enjoy exploring London together and have fun. Living with someone you are not compatible with can be disheartening, but it can be lovely coming home to see the right person for you every day. I always thought I was the kind of person who needed space from everyone eventually until I moved in with my boyfriend 5 years ago, but I don't feel the need to be alone now. Though I can only speak for myself. Follow your heart but be mindful about what is best for you.
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