A
female
age
30-35,
*issLoca
writes:So the guy I been talkin to since june, I finally went and met him in person for the first time in december. I thought it was goin to be super awkward and I was so nervous. But actually it wasnt awkward at all and for the first time I felt like I actually made love. All we did for the weekend was stay at his house and watched movies, played video games, and made love. I just had the best time with him and it was amazing. I saw him again in January as well and it was even better than the first time. The problem is, I have a 3 yr old and this guy lives 7 hours away from me. I really want to move with him but I dont think I could move my baby away from her dad. He would fight me over her and I dont even want that because we get along fine now. I already tried to break it off with this guy because I dont see how its goin to work. But i couldnt do it I love him so much. And we are so in love. I dont know what I should do? My ex, my baby's daddy, he's been in this downward spiral ever since we broke up. He's had two DUI's within a two month period. He's almost been fired from his job twice. Me and his family and even my dad, has bailed him out of jail three times already. And lately, he's been telling me that he's messed up in the head. He tells me he hears voices and they wont stop talking to him. He doesnt tell me what they say so i dont know if these are just thoughts or he's really going crazy. Also the cops have shown up at our house like four time, last night was five. They say that someone reported us arguing and we really werent. I mean yes, we argue, but every time the cops have came its been quiet and peaceful. Im starting to think maybe its a sign telling me to get out because he's telling me he hears voices and the cops are showin up for no reason, maybe my life is in danger. I know he would never hurt our daughter but im not so sure he wouldnt hurt me.
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female
reader, MissLoca +, writes (17 January 2012):
MissLoca is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes i do know what you mean. In fact, i finally realized that ive been trying to hold on to a friendship with him and its not getting me anywhere. I was afraid to let go completely just in case I was making a mistake. But i realize in im ok to just let go now, im just ready to move on. Plus i dont want to be around someone who creeps me out and makes me worry about my safety. He makes me feel like I should be sleeping with my eyes open sometimes and im not ok with that
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2012): It sounds like you have thought this through and have put some safeguards in place. In that case OP I don't see why not.
I do stick to the points I made about your ex though. You and he seem to have a volatile relationship, perhaps too much so. Even if this doesn't work out with the new guy, it may be best if you put some distance between you and he. Not necessarily physical distance, but emotional and maybe spending a lot less time in each others company. You can make it so you have a good rapport and he sees plenty of his daughter but that you and him will not see each other so much if you know what I mean.
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A
female
reader, MissLoca +, writes (16 January 2012):
MissLoca is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell i understand that the change for my kid is drastic. But if i were to move with this new guy i would leavee my daughter with my mom and her dad for a little while until i get settled in. This will also give me time to see if me and this guy could live together happily. I plan on getting a job before i go as well as transferring my college credits to the school out there.
And even if it doesnt work out with this guy im not so worried about moving just because i'd be moving to california, where im from, and where i want to live again anyways. Plus i do hav family 2 hours away from where i'd be moving to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): I think you have two major issues you need to deal with here, firstly uprooting your 3 year old to move with a guy you've only known 6 months and only met twice in person is not a smart move. Who knows what may happen and you may end up having to move back again, plus your ex will the have to make the 7 hour trip back and forth to see his kid and if he's this nuts then there's the possibility of friction between him and the new guy. No offence OP, you may think you're in love with this new guy but you haven't had a chance to test that out properly because physically haven't been able to because of the distance. Your child needs stability and you can't be dragging it around the country so you can test out guys you met on the Internet.
The second is that your ex is sick and is dangerous and it seems you're still living with him too. You need to move back to your parents house, or other family members house for a while or get a place of your own. Or he needs to move out for a while. OP the cops don't get called for nothing, so your "no reason" thing is bullshit. There's obviously something major happening or your neighbours wouldn't need to call them. So you have to properly separate from your ex because this is only getting worse.
OP you need to sit down and think of your priorities here. In my mind you need to build a stable, peaceful home life for yourself and your child. Not live with this mentally unstable ex or run away across the country to be with some random romance you think you love. Your 3 year olds needs should come first here not this stupid game you have going on between two guys. You're a mother now OP, you can't afford to play these kind messed up games, you need stability, you need calmness, security and peace, you need to set up some strong foundations for your child who will start school some day soon and who will need at least one stable parent and will need a relatively stable home life.
I have no doubt your daughters well-being comes first in your life and you love her more than life itself, but I think you've missed out on what matters most for her and frankly these decisions would be a lot easier if you were able to consider the bigger picture. She should have her daddy around but not in the way he is now, you need to take a big step back from him and sort out some kind of visitation in a neutral setting, you and he arguing all the time and the cops being called is torture for children, trust me I grew up in such a home. It's a living hell to have two adults constantly argue, when you're a child because you don't have the coping mechanisms to understand that's normal, your world crashes down with every shout. You may think you're being good enough not argue in front of her but she can hear it all and she can feel the tension and when you're upset. You have to remove all of that shit from the environment in which she lives.
In my opinion OP you need to make a clean break from both of these guys, you need to set up your own life for you and your daughter, something stable, safe and secure. That should be your focus now, not which guy you will choose nor whether you should pack up her whole life to move to be with a guy you only know 6 months, 7 hours away from your support network of friends and family, if you were single it might be worth taking that risk. But you're a mother and every risk you take risk fucking with your daughters life and happiness so you can't afford to take risks in that sense. You can, but you really shouldn't.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 Have you asked your new boyfriend if he would ever consider moving to where you live? If you can't move there, can he move to where you live? And secondly, why in the world do you keep bailing your ex out of jail? Trust me if he was in jail, you'd be free to move about the country without a fight, cuz he'd be in jail. Maybe the next time he gets a DUI and goes to jail. Why not just leave him there before he kills someone. He's obviously very unstable and frankly I'm a little worried that he even has visitation rights. There's no telling what the voices may advise him to do someday when he feels like hurting you.
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