A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating someone for 4 years now on and off. About 2 years into our relationship I found out he had cheated on me and that he was lying pathologically just for the sake of lying. At first I tried to make it work with him. I spent a whole summer trying to rebuild our relationship and make him earn my trust back. Every other week we'd be on and off. At the end of the week I'd find out a new lie and break up with him again but we'd be back together the next week. Finally at the end of the summer I'd had enough and I wanted to end it for good. That was two years ago. Over the following year things were horrible. He couldnt keep away from me and I stopped trying to keep him away, but there were so many problems we hadn't worked out that we never got anywhere when we started talking again. Things only got worse. In an effort to move on, I began "seeing" someone tentatively, and slept with him. This set off a cascade of events where my ex and I tried to top each other. He slept with someone to get back at me, which made me jealous and do the same to him, and everything repeating a few times...Eventually I was so hurt and worn down from all the emotional trauma that I made it stop. I grew up and became mature about the whole situation. For the past year, though, as we've tried fixing things and made a lot of progress, I still feel like this isn't good enough for me. We have come a long way, but it feels like now that he feels like he has safely gotten me he has no concern whatsoever about working on things. I still find him lying to me. Albeit, most are very minor lies, but the trust is still so raw and definately not stable. I try to be very understanding of how hard it is for him to stop a compulsive behavior, but I constantly question whether or not its worth getting hurt over. Every promise he's ever made to me has been empty, yet I still find myself instinctively believing what I am told. He promises to stop flirting with other girls, to give me one romantic date, and even to come see me more often, but he throws those promises out like they mean nothing. I'm sure they mean nothing to him, but the world to me. I've lost so much faith and respect and I constantly think about breaking up with him. I loved him with all my heart and I've invested everything I had into this relationship. I desperately want it to work out but I'm not getting what I need from him and I have no idea how to get anymore of this through to him. I've made my thoughts and feelings crystal clear to him, but i think they are falling on deaf ears.What do I do here? Should I cut my losses and try to move on? Or do I stay with him and patiently try to work through these problems? If I stay what should I do since nothing I've tried has worked? If I go how can I cope with such a huge loss...
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cheated on me, flirt, jealous, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, 789456  +, writes (24 July 2009):
 You cant work this out by yourself. He has to make an effort and want this to work too. it take two people to make a relationship work. To me, it sounds like hes just taking you for granted. He knows you love him and he knows that you will still take him back in the end. If your gona break up with him dont show him that you still have feelings for him. You should leave him. you said it yourself that nothing you tried worked. I know that its really hard to do that but you are just hurting yourself if you stay with him. Im in the same situation as you right now and i really do know how you feel. Im trying to move on right now..and i think you should so the same. He doesnt even respect you enough to tell you the truth. If he really loves you, he wouldnt sleep with another girl just to make you jealous. thats very immature. Couldn't he think of other ways to get you back besides messing around with someone else? There are alot of other guys out there and one day the right one for you will come. you deserve better.. no girl should be treated like that.
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