A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Should I move on or get him back?Dear everyone,I am a girl in my mid 20s, and I've being with my bf for 1.5 years. I looked at him as a perfect man I really wanna be with. He is charming,honest,and romantic. I love him alot. Our problem was we never stopped arguing and fighting. He had very bad tempers especially when I'm late while he waits in the car. He will sometimes burst out his tempers for no reason at all. And then we begine fighting because he simply wants to let it out on me and I fight back because I felt hurt by his disrespectfull attitude. The I noticed that he likes to put everything as my fault, and make me feel guity of arguing with him. I'm really confused. For example, he doesn't like me using MSN or making any decisions to see a friend without consulting him. I felt so restricted so I explained that he needs to trust me, and I'm only talking to my girl friends and normal guy friends. But he wouldn't listen and sweared that he wouldn't change this rule whatsoever. So for 12 months, we fight every week, and our relationship became on and off all the time. And although I suffered so much from his suspicious words and jeleasy, I've never done anything to betray him.Most of my friends say that I look much shinier than he does and I deserve someone better. And it's true that I'm more sociable than he is, especially amount different groups of people. But I don't care about what other are saying. When I tried to have a serious talk with him in regarding to our trust issues, he just acted very angrily. He said he did trust me in the first three weeks of our relationship,but ever since he found out about me having a quick meal with another guy friend, he stopped trusting me. I explained that I never thought catching up with a male friend was wrong, and I told him about,it's not like I was trying to cover anythign. In the end, I agreed on Not to see any guy on one to one basis.However, for 1 and half years this trust issue never got solved, but becoming worse and worse. I have to be very careful in any single thing I do. I can't answer a guy's call or greeting on MSN. I have to delete messages that might potentially do harm to our relationship. I become really stressful but unfortunately he never wanted to make change of himself, and he shouted at me that he will never change. We fight every week. Sometimes he came back to look for me after the fight, smetimes I go back to him. We both love each other while find this relationship suffering. Then two weeks ago, we finally broke up and I never went back to him. He came back to drop some of my stuff I left at his place. Then that's it. It seems that I was the only person in this relationship showing understanding of things and willing to make a change. Besides this trust issue, I'm happy with everything else. This man is willing to share, he's capable at work, very good holiday planner, and he likes taking me out for sight-seeing. And most importantly, I feel so right when making love with him. The relationship was so stressful, but living without him is unbearable. please anyone, tell me what I should do!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2007): This man is a control freak! Do you REALLY want to have to put up with someone who cannot control his temper and who gets upset because you respond to an MSN message from another friend (male) and who insists you agree not to meet any man on a one-to-one basis?
If he says he's not going to change, you should believe him!
Stressed out as you are now - in spite of some of the good things about him - if you continue to be with him it will drag you down.
Ask yourself: is it really worth it?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2007): It's almost always hard when you first break up with someone. Even if the relationship was bad, you miss them and you look back at your time together with rose-tinted glasses.
As long as you can stay strong during the initial painful period, you will then be able to see the truth of the situation and be able to move on.
In this case I really think you do need to move on. Your ex-boyfriend clearly has some serious issues and although you'd love to help him, these are issues that ultimately he must deal with himself (jealousy, insecurity) as you were doing nothing to make him feel this way.
If you go back to him you will likely one day look back and resent that you had to give up socialising with your male friends and you will likely rebel against his controlling nature.
Someone who really loves you wants you to be free to be the person you are. It seems to me his just scared of losing you and will do anything to keep you, although it can often feel the same, this is NOT the same as love.
Stay strong, the right one is out there for you somewhere!
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