A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So I have been talking to this guy from work now for about three month, we kinda argreeded that it is a FWB relationship, but now we r taking about moving in with each other and still see other people. The problem is that I am falling for him and I don't know really how he feels, he is married getting a divorce and I still live with my husband whom which I am separated from. When we r together he is constantly texting other girls and he even shows me some of the texts and In a way I am ok with it but I think if seen him with another girl it would bother me. And what is so crazy is this 17 year old girl from work flirts with him and her 18th birthday is coming up and I guess she texted him saying that she wants sex for her birthday and he has been talking about hooking up with her and for me not to text him on that day!! Mind you he is going to be 42 in feb, I even told him that she can be like his daughter. Its just really hard, I kinda told him that I like him and he says that I am a really great person and I even asked him if he sees us more than friends and he says idk yet!! My husband doesn't want me to move out but it has been getting to the point were I have to get out of this house. I don't want to leave the Friend alone, what should I do??
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): First off, you are married and not divorced. Why aren't you trying to work on saving your marriage? You don't say much about whether your husband is trying to save the marriage. Are there problems that you and your husband need to work on? Have you tried working on these problems? The problem now a days is people look to divorce as an easy way out. Unless he's abusing you or threatening you and your life then yeah, I can see divorcing the guy. You get my drift. But think about that. You married the guy for what....was it love? Was it because he was your ticket way out of the home?
I think you are displacing your feelings to a man who is not and will not be available to you - cause look at what he's doing...he's planning on sleeping with others and well yeah, maybe he wants to move in with you but the signs point to him wanting to sleep with an 18 year old. I wouldn't move in with that guy. He doesn't even know if he likes you like that. That's a problem right there...a big problem in capital letters. He probably could easily find some other woman to move in with him if not you. You need to move back home with your husband. You need to work things out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): The point is, you have feelings for him and he doesn't feel the same. It's really that simple. People on here have told you what to do but you aren't listening. I sense you are a little in denial.
"So I wouldn't say that he is always texting girls but sometimes."
Does it matter? The fact is, you want something more and he's not going to give you that. He probably thinks you are a nice, fun woman and he enjoys sleeping with you but that's it. He doesn't want a relationship and until that gets through to you, you will carry on getting hurt.
I really am not trying to upset you but you need to wake up a little. Stop making excuses for him and see it for what it really is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo I wouldn't say that he is always texting girls but sometimes. IDK what to do!! I don't want you guys to think that all we do is have sex cause we hang out more than anything and its me who is always initiating the sex part. He jokes around alot so its hard for me to know when he is being serious especially with this younger girl thing!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): What should you do?
STOP having sex with men who are friends, friends mean just that, over step that boundary, and they are no longer friends.
He is MARRIED, you are MARRIED, he is texting 18 year olds who say they want to have sex for their birthday with him..And you ask if you should move in with him. NO!!!
If you have really decided your marriage is over, then why not concentrate of resolving WHY you need to go from one to another, when neither situations are offering you any stability either emotionally or physically. The guy you're friends with is ( well so called friend ) you're only connection is sex, remove that, he will not be singing your praises. He is NOT ready for any kind of relationship, he's not even divorced, he will be a bundle of emotional issues, that will not include setting up and playing home, as already proven.
Before you get involved with anyone, you should deal with your marriage first. And never, ever move in with a man who has had permission to see other women, have sex with other women, and for you to have sex with other men, as soon as you did this, he wrote you off in his mind to ever be potential relationship material. It's tough, it's hard, but none the less fact. I'm also a relationship consultant professionally.
Unfortunately you have done all the things a woman should never do IF she wants the guy to fall for her, you cannot backtrack on that now. And as you are starting to fall for him, I cannot see not even in my wildest thoughts WHY you would consider sharing/living with him.
Only reason to share a home with a guy, is IF BOTH parties love each other, desire and want commitment, believe in the sanctity of one-to-one relationships, and although that may sound a little conventional, not ' fun' as I so often hear and read these days, but just look at postings on DC about FWB's, how many females have regretted it, can't handle it, to the Facebook cheating in relationships, two examples I know, but this open sexual society is not all it's cracked up to be.
Please don't be defensive, it's meant for you to look at what you're doing with your life, in hope at best, it may prevent you from being hurt further, as separating from husbands are never easy, and prevent you from what I can only see would end in disaster for you, moving in with this guy. Take your time, no rush, men will always be there. Get your own personal life in order first.
Good luck..
Jilly
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (15 December 2010):
You are going to get scorched by all this when it collapses. And it will. You are falling for a FWB. That's the moment to end it and move on, because the truth is your FWB isn't going to drop everything for you, especially given that even when you're together he's texting lots of other women. This guy is out for sex and that's it. He's even got your replacement lined up in that girl who's 17, and will soon be 18.
You will wind up miserable unless you end this and just focus on yourself. You've got a lot going on, and would do better to focus on that. Sort out what's left of your marriage and spend some time single.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (15 December 2010):
 Moving in with him is a bad idea and you will only be setting yourself up for more trouble in the future. He has openly said he does not want to commit to you. And you have said you are falling for him. That means you two are in 2 totally different places right now. You do not want the same thing from a relationship. So why take the chance and move in with him? What if he has sex with this girl? What if he has sex with other girls while you are living together?
Again, moving in with him is a very very bad idea.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): No, you should not move in with this FWB guy. If you have feelings for him, then how are you going to feel when he brings other girls back to his place?
FWB usually always ends up in tears. You need to tell him how you feel. Sorry to say but it doesn't sound like he feels the same. If he wanted you as his girlfriend he would be dating you not just sleeping with you.
"When we r together he is constantly texting other girls"
I think that says it all. If you feel you need to move out then get your own place. Also, this FWB thing is just going to make you miserable. You need to tell this guy that you either want more or you can only be friends with him. By the sounds of it it doesn't sound like you will get what you want from him.
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female
reader, petina1 +, writes (15 December 2010):
 Wow, arent you bothered about catching an STD in the first instance. So you want to move in with someone who will be seeing other people as well. Your self esteem seems extremely low for you to put up with such a situation. He is 42 talking of bedding an 18 yr old now that can be quite dodgy in itself. I think you could be making a big mistake with this guy you really need to take a long hard look at the situation, it doesn't seem like you are going to be happy living with him under these circumstances. You've already said you don't want to see him with other girls but that is exactly what you will be seeing with this type of relationship. You are heading for a fall if you continue with this plan.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): tell him what you want, which i assume is to move in and then become exclusive!
if not you really are going to get hurt.
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