A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, my ex sent me a friend request on Facebook afew weeks ago,and i added him.He also sent me a message asking how my lovelife was,if i had a boyfriend,e.t.c, and he said he would like to meet up again sometime.Afew days ago, i saw a comment from this girl he had been seeing and she was arguing with him.I had told him that i wanted to meet up with him to talk about what he wanted from me, such as what would happen when we met up.I noticed yesterday that he put on his page that his girlfriend was being too obsessive, as he called her a " bunny boiler ".He also sent me a message today saying he had broken up with her, and he asked, what if,for instance, we met up and had a good time and he still fancied me, and he asked where he would stand with me if that was the case ?.Do you think it's just a coincidence that he added me on Facebook and he has broken up with his girlfriend, and do you think he was trying to hint with his last message that he still fancies me ?.I'm not sure how to act when i meet him again either,but i suppose it's best to just go with the flow.I'll need to think of a way to respond to his last message too.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): do you think i should just respond by saying we could give things another try if we met up and he still fancied me but i would just like to see how it goes aswell first, or should i ask him where i would stand if i met up with him, and what he would like to happen between us ?.Perhaps the former would be best.or maybe i should add that it could be abit soon for me to say yet,as he has only just broke up with the other girl,and that we havent met up for quite a while ?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): Your ex is a player and he is enjoying messing women around hence the bunny boiler moniker he gave this last girl.
He contacted you while he was seeing her, asked if you had a bofriend and where he would stand and if you wanted to meet up.
He doesn't have feelings I don't think for either of you. He is a guy who takes a relationship so far, and then when the girl gets serious he plans his exit and looks for the next girl in his little black book of exes.
If he still had feelings for you, he wouldn't ask you on Facebook all these leading questions while still with another girl. He would end his relationship with her, think about his feelings for you, and then he would call you and make a date, actually spend some money on you or want to respectfully start dating you again, and let you take the lead about sex.
If you do want to see what his intentions are, then make him earn his way back in, stop reading his Facebook and stop answering texts, and tell him you prefer the telephone if he wants to speak to you.
All this texting and Facebook is the least amount of effort a guy has to do to have a relationship with you...he can talk to 50 girls at a shot this way and you don't know what you've got..Above all else do not have any type of sex with him until you have worked out your past issues that caused the break up and he asks you for an exclusive relationship, otherwise you are just going to bounce around in his life between his flings and or girlfriends....who needs that aggravation?
Keep moving on with your life regardless of what you think he is up too, and keep dating other men. Guys aren't that complicated, their actions speak louder than words and they tell you what they want from you and back it up with loving action.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): here's abit of his message i missed when i first read it.he asked what would i like to happen between us, just out of curiousity ?.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): I also wanted to add,he didnt send me the friend request after they broke up, he sent me the friend request first and they have only just broken up.His latest message he sent me was yesterday, the same night i discovered they had broken up.
I wondered if maybe he thought he had made a mistake dating the other girl and that he still had feelings for me and wanted me back, but of course i dont know yet.
I dont think he was having trouble with her at the time he sent me the friend request, i'm not sure exactly when the trouble started.all i know is they were talking happily when he first added me, but ,at least over the last few days, they had been having arguements.The first time he asked me if i wanted to meet,and if i had a boyfriend,e.t.c, was while they still seemed to be on good terms.
i know aswell that with her it was a long distance relationship,as she mentioned that she travelled quite a long way to see him.i live close to where he lives.
sorry i hope the way i'm writing this doesn't sound confusing lol i'm trying to explain it all as best i can.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): The thing is, i dont really want a serious relationship yet either. That doesn't mean i just want sex though !.It just means that i dont mind if we meet up just once in a while.
I agree with Gina really,i think i should respond by saying we will meet up and see how it goes. I'm not sure how to respond to him asking where would he stand if he still fancied me e.t.c ? I'm not even sure what he means by where would he stand ?.I still feel like i fancy him,when i think back to the good times we had, but i do think we should take things slowly since it's been quite along time since we last went out with each other.
Obviously, i dont know how this other girl has been acting towards him that much, but i wonder if she really is a " bunny boiler ", or if he had been messing her around and she was just very upset and got clingy because she liked him ?.I know there is that to consider aswell.What some men consider obsessive behaviour, some women consider it to be a normal and natural reaction.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 June 2009):
 You already stated the answer.
He was having trouble with the GF so he got "nostalgic" and found your "MyFace" page.
REBOUND. Or possibly he is looking for a friends with benefits kinda thing. I'm willing to bet he will suggest that he isn't up for anything serious, but would like to sleep with you...
If you can handle being a booty call or a fuck buddy - then go for it.. If not I would cautiously step away.. He is an EX for a reason....
It's sorta like when a girl/guy starts looking through their ex's in the "little black book" for a quick "fix".
Now the big question is, this DO you still FANCY him?
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (24 June 2009):
 It sounds like this guy is looking for a rebound after he has broken up with his girlfriend and you are the easy option! Sex with an ex is always easier than meeting a new person!
When he says he still fancies you it means he still wants to sleep with you! He doesnt want anything more from you, he will probably go out with you a couple of times, it will always end up with sex and then a couple of weeks later he will be bored of you and tell you he doesnt want to get back together with you, it was all supposed to be a bit of fun!
So its up to you what you do next - if you only want sex from him then it will all be fine but if you still have feelings for him then meeting up with him would be a very bad idea! You will only get hurt in the end!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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