A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ive been with my fiance for 6 years and last year he proposed to me. Our relationship has its ups and downs. Ive known his positive and negative traits more than anyone he knows. Probably more than his family do. He is quite loving and caring partner. My friend says he is kind of "big gestures", that he shows his loves and affection by his action. Not by words. When we meet in person he is always loving and caring as every girl would want in a man.My question is. I have some doubts to marry him because i have some trust issues regarding what he has done in the past. Sometimes im afraid he would do something that im never think of or what he did behind me. Im afraid that he will do something wrong without me knowing. He is a stubborn people to talk and discuss anything about. He always think that hes right and only regret it in the end. I think he has some bpd or narcisstic synthom. But in the same time i also know that i will be happy to build a family with him as he will always be there for me and take his responsibility. He told me that whatever happen to us we must remember our commitment to stay together and dont give up to it. Theres also another thing that i consider. I worry about our different lifestyle. In some way we are incompatible which i know theres no couple would be compatible exactly as they wish. I mean we have different view in how to organise money, time, and some other little things. Our family are supportive about our relationship especially from his side. They love me and support me whenever i have conflict with him. Should i marry him with this situation?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (27 March 2016):
 I would say no, you shouldn't marry him. Either he's not a good match for you, or you suspect his every move.
A
female
reader, missy_25  +, writes (26 March 2016):
My advise: No or not yet. I think you should open this conversation with your fiance and see where it leads. I know somebody who married but with doubt and after the wedding, unfortunately, finally met someone who IS compatible, who has the connection and looks towards the same dreams and goals in life. Wouldn't that be a nicer picture to live in a married life. That person is still not exactly the same as the woman who got involved in it, but it made her realize how EASY it is to be with someone who's willing to go the same direction as she wanted.I think being different from each other in character doesnt mean you're incompatible, it's if you share the same values, dreams and understand any other core important issues you have, or whatever differences you have, you are willing to compromise to make the other person and you happy, that's what matters. Because if you're not eye to eye on that, that crack will only get worse. Communication is the key. If you can share each others innermost thoughts and fears and be supportive towards each other, I think its worth keeping. But if you're going to be disconnected because of lack of trust, save yourself from going through a marriage that will only end in divorce. That person I am talking about, after 5yrs of marriage, I think it's heading for divorce. The love for the husband is there but the incompatibility is just too strikingly different (even the wife's family isn't surprised) and either one can only change so much and they're both miserable. Sometimes you can love someone but can't live with them. I just wish the whole marriage could've been avoided to begin with. But it happened because they didn't communicate these doubts intensely, they just throw it under the rug.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (26 March 2016):
 " i have some trust issues regarding what he has done in the past" A very interesting statement.
I suggest you and your bf attend relationship counselling as you have trust problems which need to be addressed and by your own admission he has problems with listening to people. Rather take the time to sort out these issues before you get married.
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