A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, bit of a long complicated situation. So a while back I told one of my friends that I liked her as more than a friend and she was super cool about it but told me that she didn't feel the same way. We still remained friends but I always felt I wanted more even though I knew nothing was ever going to happen between us. I never said anything about it because I didn't want to jeopardize the friendship.Anyway, In June of last year it all finally came out when I invited her and a few friends over for a small gathering and she asked if she could bring her boyfriend. At first I said yes but then said no because I still had those feelings for her and even though I knew nothing was going to happen between us I just knew deep down I wasn't ready to see her with another guy just yet. So long story short after all this she suggested that we postpone the event until we "have time to talk and discuss things beforehand" I agreed and asked her when she would be able to meet face to face and talk this out. After 5 weeks she responded that she didn't want to talk about it. Now I know i pushed her too far when I kept asking her to talk about it and she let me know with a long and frustrated sounding text and it was in my response I messed things up. Towards the end of it I questioned her motives for hanging out with me immediately after I told her I liked her because of something she had said earlier and understandably she got very upset and we haven't talked since.Sorry for the long story but context is required for my question. Which is this. Back on New Years Eve I sent her a long apology text message saying how sorry I was for what I said 3 months earlier. It went unanswered but an apology text is a lame way to say sorry (but I didn't know what else to do). So, anyway her birthday is in a little less than a month and I was contemplating one last attempt to apologize to her and get her flowers. If that goes unanswered then I know it's over and will back away and never bother her. again. Is it worth the shot?Any help is appreciated :)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, methuselah  +, writes (5 February 2014):
Hello,
No, the flowers are a bad idea. You now need to let go of her from your life. You tried, you got your answer and now you know. This girl will never be for you. But now you know and you don't have to look back in life wondering.
The flowers may sound a good idea, but if it was me, the only reason I would send them was to try to have her as a girlfriend and this won't happen for you.
Move on. It's good to move on, you will feel a sense of great relief and freedom in a short time. A feeling of liberation from the 'mind games' that we all play with ourselves.
Look forward, it's a great place to be. Take care.
A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (5 February 2014):
 Move on, mate. The story is too sour to become a sweetest one. The situation is clear, at least for her: she doesn't want you as a boyfriend, and just kept your friendship for the benefits she got from it or for anything else, it does not matter. Insisting won't get you anything except maybe a bad reputation. Keep your head high, and don't lose the face !
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 February 2014):
 I'm with Cerberus 100%.
YOU ARE missing the point, you don't try HARDER to woo her you accept that SHE is not a FRIEND (because you have "more then friends feelings for her).
You somehow feels she OWES you something because you have feelings for her or that she AT LEAST should want to spend time/talk to you. The thing is, she knows you can't seem to respect the FRIENDS BOUNDARIES and thus, she has let you go as a friend.
Learn from this. That is really all you can do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2014): No it's not worth a shot. OP you're truly missing the point of all this, which is you can't be friends with someone you have feelings for.
Trust me I've tried more than once. You're not actually that person's friend no matter how much you try to convince yourself you are.
What kind of friend sits there with their heart being ripped apart by them talking about their boyfriend. how can you be friends with someone you can't even have your partner around them because it hurts them? That's not a friendship. You're literally incapable of being a good friend to her because your friendship involves too much heartache and jealousy, it's just not possible.
Let her go, you just can't be a good friend to her. There will always be an element of drama and now that she knows being around you will feel too uncomfortable. You see when women find out you like them that way but befriended them instead they often feel a profound sense of betrayal, that you deceived them and rightfully so because whether intentional or not, you did.
You already apologised, so there's no need to do it again, now it's just time to let this whole thing and her go, and move on. Take it as a lesson learned and move on. Having feelings for a woman will make you a shit friend to her, so don't even try.
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