A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my bf for over a year, and he's very experienced in bed. I am not. I've only had been with two others before him. He has a very large package and I have always either enjoyed it or have been intimidated by it. He is very thoughtful in bed but likes to get down to it and skip the "warm up"... There are times he makes me cum, and there are times where we last a while, to a point where I have to fake one and then wait for him to finish so he we can stop.. Before I get dry/raw.. (Which happens more than I like). I started the relationship with sex involved from the get go, and being on the bc patch because he would not wear condoms... Which in turn means he cums in me every time we have sex. It's something we both enjoy. The times where I become raw we stop the mood changes. He becomes angry and frustrated, I become left feeling like something is wrong with me and disappointed in myself that I can't stay wet for him.. I'm attracted to him I just want to cum very time4him. I want him to be the one to make me cum everytime.. And lose my mind. We both agree that's what sex should be. I also have tried eating lots of fruit and yogurt, started doing yoga, and have increased my water intake. He practices holding in his orgasms to feel a bigger finish, and I practice kegals. What are we missing? We do love each other and after I confronted him about me not Cummings as much as I want, he has been in a defeated mood since he believed sex was the one thing he has always been great at, and if he couldn't satisfy someone it was because they prolly had too much sex and were jaded. The fact that I'm not that way has made him question his perception of himself. He wants my orgasm ratio 10:8 , and I appreciate this, I enjoy finishing, it's healthy and a great way to become closer. I would really love some advice in how to get his pride back and me krgasming frequently...
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male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (5 February 2014):
 I won't be as harsh as my "colleagues" below, because today I'm in the mood to try to find excuses to people who put themselves in the mess, and it's not so often.So, it's obvious you love your partner, but he is a little bit pushy, and super-proud of his sexual ability (probably because of his big tool, but between us, if one wants his screwdriver to work properly, he must not use it like a hammer).It's obvious too that you're trying your best to satisfy your partner, and to protect his ego. That's nice but the snag is that doesn't help to solve the problem.Indeed, the problem must be that because you're trying to satisfy your boyfriend who is visually too large your stress contract your muscles and make you dry, the opposite of what should be done. You're not wet enough because of this lack of know-how and this performance anxiety that tetanize you up to the inside.I suspect your boyfriend to be very unsecured, and to "go to it" too fast because he fears his hardon to go away in the middle of the act. He too is stressed to the bone because of the damn "performance" that is supposed to make him appear to be "good to something".I would advice you to cool down the sex thing, to have another discussion about "what sex should be" and ask yourselves "what sex can be".And for rest, lube and vibrating dildo(s) if Mr Right is not willing to give you head (recently another male OP said us it grossed him big time to do it, maybe that's the same with your boyfriend ?).P.S: about the dildo, not the Shane Diesel's copy please. That's too extreme !
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 February 2014):
 Sorry a dude who refuses to wear a condom, specially if he has had MULTIPLE past partner would be a deal-breaker for me.
So instead of him JUST using a condom you have to get on the patch, which I might add doesn't prevent pregnancies 100% and it gives you 0% protection from STD's. It might also affect your hormones and your mood and body.. And let's not forget that sperm messes with your PH balance inside your vagina EVERY time he ejaculate in there. A condom DOES nothing BAD for a dude medically (unless he is latex intolerant, but then there are other options.)
I have to say I would NEVER accept a dude telling me, I'm NOT using condoms. UNLESS you are trying to for a baby, really what good is ejaculation? The sensation HE gets?
From what you write he MIGHT have had more experience sexually, but that doesn't mean he is a good lover.
And never fake orgasm, it you are ready for him to be done and starting to be sore, TELL him. TRY another position.
For someone to DEMAND a ratio on orgasm? RIDICULOUS! It's great that HE wants you to come too, but sex should be about ratios, it should be fun, sensual, MUTUALLY pleasurable, but without conditions like a ratio - why add that pressure to BOTH of you?
Tell him that you enjoy the fire out of SEX with him, that having an orgasm is great but NOT the ONLY goal to sex. No one should be keeping score in bed and no one should have to fake it so their partner's ego doesn't get bruised.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (4 February 2014):
Skipping the foreplay is a great way to ensure that you won't be wet enough and won't cum often. I'm sorry, he's not great in bed,he's ignorant and the other women were probably faking it too.
Lots of women can NEVER cum during PIV sex,but only through oral. As big as you say he is he ought to be giving you some great oral ahead of time to make sure you're wet enough.
It also doesn't seem like he understands that longer isn't better,and most women are happier with sex that doesn't last freaking forty minutes. That's when we start to get sore, about ten minutes of actual sex is ideal.
Lastly, if you're going to keep having sex his way, go to the sex store and get a high quality bottle of lube and use it every time. Please don't ignore this part of my advice- it will save you from being raw and dry, make the sex feel much better,and will make him cum faster too. Don't be ashamed of it either, some women just dont produce enough natural lube for marathon sex sessions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2014): No offence but the reason sex is going wrong for you both sometimes is because you're too immature about the whole thing and neither of you know what you're doing at all. I'm sorry OP but he's not experienced at all, he may have had more sex but he really is shit at it, I mean really bad.
I mean he's the type of guy we get numerous questions about from women who want their partner to be less selfish, you just love this guy too much and are too meek to see that.
"we've agreed that's the way sex should be" Well if you've agreed on it why hasn't it happened? Oh that's right, bodies don't just do what you agree they should, you have to adapt to what works. I'd love to be able to jump over sky scrapers in one bound, but agreeing that I should be able to isn't exactly going to make that happen and doing yoga isn't going to change that either.
OP you and he are far too uneducated about sex to actually enjoy it all the time. Mr. "Experienced" has no idea what he is doing at all and then he acts like a big baby with such a delicate little ego because things don't go his way? Awwwwww poor baby!
Mr. I'm Amazing At Sex doesn't even know how to turn a woman on enough to keep her wet, he doesn't even know that women's bodies are not objects that can just perform on command. He skips foreplay even though with a larger size it's even more essential? He even has a ratio he needs to fulfil in order to feel good about himself and you so lack any kind of assertion that you'd rather fake an orgasm just to satisfy a guy who literally does not care how you feel about this?
OP just because he wants to make you cum doesn't mean he cares about pleasing you, he only cares about his own ego here. Some kind of childish number he feels he has to achieve to feel like a man.
He's not very thoughtful in bed. Foreplay is the most essential part for most women and he just skips that. You're basically too meek and inexperienced to set him straight too. Too worried about hurting his childlike ego to get what you need.
You want to orgasm for him? Then you've completely missed the point of having one. Your orgasm is for you, not him. And if he wanted to give you one he'd start dropping down and not come up for air until he's figured out how your body works instead of trying to manipulate it into doing what he wants. That's not how bodies work.
Here's some facts:
You're not going to cum every time. But you don't need to either. You still enjoy sex whether you do or not right? So you need to tell him that and when you know it's not going to happen you have to tell him to finish up before you get raw and sore. If his baby's ego can't handle that find yourself a man to date instead of a child who demands you cum for him.
Sex is not about numbers or ratios, it's not only about orgasms either it's about pleasure and orgasms aren't the only form of pleasure during sex and you're really cheating yourself out of everything that makes sex great by "agreeing" it should only be about orgasms and the number you have. What about the closeness, what about the feeling of having your lover inside you, what about the feeling of being teased and tantalised, what about feeling his body next to yours, or seeing the pleasure in his eyes.
You've made sex about points scoring and are missing out on everything else. His focus is solely on making you cum and he's ignoring all the other ways in which pleasure is gotten from sex.
Sex is about intimacy and fun, where's the fun in feeling bad and like a failure because you can't live up to some stupid number?
You know when my wife doesn't cum I go down on her and finish her off, or we take out her vibrator and I hold her while she does or I give her head before we have sex and make her orgasm beforehand or she doesn't even want to have an orgasm and just wants sex for sex sake, or we don't even have sex and just give each other head, or we just do all foreplay, massages and bring each other to the point of orgasming in the morning then stop completely so that the urge and frustration builds all day until we see each other after work and rip each others clothes off, or we have a quickie in a toilet in restaurant or aeroplane just for the hell of it.
Sex is about fun, intimacy, closeness, pleasure and so many other things that focussing on orgasms means you and he are missing the entire point. Life is not like the movies or porn, sex doesn't have to have orgasms every time to make it awesome and I'm sorry but only kids think it should kids that have made sex so harrowing and devoid of fun that they probably just to should stop if it's hurting them physically and emotionally like that. Why bother doing something if it makes you sore and hurts his ego?
Get rid of these thoughts, educate yourselves properly about how a woman's body works and the importance of foreplay and OP, orgasm for you and get him to pleasure you for you, and not for his own ego.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 February 2014):
 NEVER fake an orgasm. Sometimes it just doesn't happen, and his experience with other women is meaningless because everyone is different. If he reacts by being upset and thinking something is wrong with you, then he is a bad lover.
He is selfish, demanding no condoms, speaking in terms of ratios, and skipping foreplay? Does he finish you off before penetration? And if not, why not?? Giving you oral, making you have an orgasm before entering you will lift your ratio exponentially. Guys make the mistake of thinking their penis has to be the source of pleasure, when in reality for most women, it's not. The vast majority of women can't feel pleasure from penetration alone. Intercourse doesn't feel the same for a woman that it does for a man. To most women, intercourse pleasures similarly to if you were to only rub the scrotum of a guy and not touch his penis in any way and expect him to get off that way.
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