A
female
age
36-40,
*larisa
writes:i really dont know what to do! i'm seeing this very older guy.his 43 and i'm 22 when i met him he told me he wasn't married. then to come and find out he was living with this other woman and has 2 daughters.we still kept seeing each other and in the long run i became pregnant and had a baby boy, his first boy. by this time she already knew about us and told him to leave. he ended up moving with me and he still went to his other home to see the other kids.until time passed i got arested. and he moved back to his other home he would say that he felt very depressed to stay there alone. but first let me tell you he loves those kids to death his building them a home.and like he pays everything there he feels that he has every right to be there.i finally came out after a month and things where good he would tell me that he loved me and that he wants to be with me but he is still over there with them he spends all his time with me and his boy and by the way i'm pregnant again .this other woman knows that his here all the time and in a way feel like shes trieing to get him back as a husband and make him forget about me and our children but tells me that he will never leave me he also provides for me(he pays all my bills and for other things to) he also tells me that he is not having sex with her that he sleeps in the couch.i dont know what to belive. some times i believe him because shes that kind of woman that doesnt forgive that easily.this has been going on for almost 4yrs and i dont know what to do. should i make him decide? or should i leave him?
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (1 August 2007):
 Boy does this guy have the best of both worlds! He actually has two homes, two women who love him, and two sets of children to bounce back and forth with. His wife knows about you. You know about her. And he still hasn't filed for divorce? What's up with that? I think unless you want to continue sharing him with this woman, you need to insist that he file for divorce and pick a home that he will permanently reside in. No more spending the night at his ex's house. He can still see his kids, in fact, they can come to your house for their visits (instead of him always going there, where the ex's bed is at) and it will give you a chance to get to know them, and your kids will be able to get to know too. A very important factor if you think you'll ever have a future with this guy. If he won't go for that, and still insists on bouncing back and forth between two houses and two mates, it's time to give him the boot.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (1 August 2007):
 You're in a hell of a mess, dear, and only your strong and decided actions will take you out of it. He won't do much for either of you, because he was the one who got you both in this situation, to start with, and he obviously likes it.
I'm afraid that someday he will decide four children and two women are too much of a problem and he will find himself another woman.
If I were you, I would stay away from him as a lover. I would restrict contact with him to things about the kids. This is difficult because you're pregnant again, but, this is what I would do. Being with him has brought so many complications to your life, and you should not bring any more.
But, of course, no one is really on your shoes but yourself. You will know what is best for you.
Take much care
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (1 August 2007):
 What a mess. This is ridiculous. It couldnt get much worse. The only person this guy loves is himself in my opinion.
2 women & 4 kids basically? Hes a dangerous man thats got you both dancing to his tune & of course hes sleeping with her, the sofa one is the oldest in the book.
You're all in a bad way in your heads & i feel really sorry for the 4 little ones that didnt ask to have such a freaky unsettled upbringing.
I cant think of anything positive coming out of this set up & i think atleast 2 of you need some counselling. And i dont mean him.
Good luck.
C xxxx
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