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anonymous
writes: Hi, i'm a 23 year old male from England. I have recently just started seeing someone who is still a virgin and i am a little more...experienced so to speak. The problem I have is that i really like her and I am willing to wait for her, but should I be waiting for her to approach me when she is ready or will she ever approach me even though she does not have much experience?Cheers
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female
reader, maggie777  +, writes (5 June 2010):
Talk to her. It's her body and her decision.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): I would get rid of her and find someone else. The idea of holding on to one's virginity is old and has no relevance for the modern era. Seriously, how long are you willing to wait - another month, a year, how about two years? You'll be waking up in the morning with your love stick pointing straight up and she won't be there to enjoy it. So in the end, make a move. If she doesn't accept you, give her the boot. Or better yet, I would and have used the good ol' Catholic guilt trip on her, assuming she is Catholic. Best of luck.P.S. I write all of this assuming your virgin girlfriend is NOT 13!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2007): talk to her...if she doesn't want to, just let it go,its really not worth getting a virgin to bed, totally not worth it, find someone else dude!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2007): Hi there, I was almost 21 when I did it. We're still dating after 10 months, but I know deep down it was wrong for me. He is lovely, kind...and was so gentle and perfect...almost romance movie perfect...everything. My regret is that I wasn't in love with him. I love him now...but it's a love of grown companionship and first real closeness...not the heartpounding, kneeshaking passion I am still hoping to find. I was settling for him because I couldn't fault him...and I was only 20. Didn't even know what kind of man I was able to fall in love with. I felt a bit old and inadequate and he was kind enough not to push or anthing so i talked myself into liking him more...he wanted to be official really quickly and did what he thought was gentlemanly...i.e. I met the parents, family...waited etc...so rationally my head was thinking this guy is finally worth "it."
Advice to you: it has to come completely from her! You have to be everything she would wish for...and not just the generic nice guy in the actual act...you have to make her want you in that way now!!! If, when you are kissing her...and it doesn't make her curious or heated up...or want more...then you are clearly not compatible. Alcohol is prohibited...and you need to put your feelings out there. You may not be the one for her forever...but if she feels you are at this time then this whole question is unnecessary. She will regret spending her first time with you, if her feelings aren't right for you. You could be the most perfect, educated, goodlooking, gentlemanly and kind man (or whatever she wishes) but that doesn't naturally equal a first time thing. Look... it's how both your chemistry is going and you can feel what that is like. so ... pay attentiont to your feelings...if you're not ready to wait for her to fall for you (may take a few months) then don't be scared or feel awful about leaving. Us girls need more guys out there who aren't ashamed to admit they need sex, but are gentleman enough to not pressure us in any way, shape or form. Constantly talking about it will pressure her. good luck!
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male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (26 May 2007):
Hi! Should I make The First Move? I would wonder why you would make any move at all. You say that you have had experience with other women, which leads me to the question. Were all those others just ego notches on your penis? It would appear that there wasn't any strong relational glue in any of those other affairs, as I see it. So let your girlfrienf keep her verginity, if all you two have going for you is SEX!, SEX!,SEX! To put it another way, "It's sad to be just in sex when the right one comes along" And you just might not be that right one for her, ever think of that. Perhaps like lots of men,the seat of their intelligence rests in their genitals. And a committed relationship is in the giving, not in all the taking.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (5 January 2005):
 Hi there,We'll start with the assumption that your new flame is of legal age and the only reason that she's a virgin has to do with her choice and/or a lack of opportunity or a previous lack of sexual interest on her part.That said, you need to get to know her a bit better and your question will probably answer itself. You say that you've just started seeing her and that you're "willing to wait", which is good. If she fancies a romp with you now, or in the near future, she's sure to show it by a definite warming up in her physical affections. Kisses more passionate, touches more urgent... but how do you tell the difference if you don't understand the "base line" of her affections? If you two continue to meet and to learn to read each other's signals, when she's hot for you, the indications are going to be loud and clear. And, of course, you can push the envelope a little bit, too. It's definitely possible that she's interested in sex NOW NOW NOW, but that she doesn't quite know how to make it obvious to you (she might be shy about making a crude suggestion), particularly if she's a few years younger than you are. However - this is important - if she's reluctant to continue when you're heating things up, you have to stop pushing that envelope immediately. No grizzling, no whining. No. You stop, and back off. I don't suggest that's easy to do, but you're clearly a sensitive guy and will already know that No never means Yes, especially from a younger woman.With luck, she'll be pleased and relieved that the suggestion came from you and will be ready for some (safe!) fun. What are you waiting for?
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A reader, Nana, writes (4 January 2005): okay, fifrst don't ever try to force her. If feel thet she want to approach but is scared the best thing to do is to reassure her that you won't do anything that she doesn't want- that it's all about her. Try to get her to tell you her reason for staying a virgin for so long and be very understanding- don't rush things.Or start something and see where it goes.Hey, you never know-she's probably waiting for you to make the first move. Good Luck
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A reader, Tish, writes (3 January 2005): I say make a move, but if she says she isn't ready- Back Off! Be gentle. Every girl wants her first time to be great! And make her feel comfortable, do not have sex in the back of your car or some sleazy place. Have sex in a bed. Let her know that you are willing to wait for her, make sure she knows that you don't just want sex. Let her make the decision to have sex or not, but give her the option. Make sure she is comfortable with every thing you do, and ask her several times if she is ok. She may get to a point that it hurts or she is umcomfortable. Most importantly, make her feel like the most beautiful women in the world!
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A reader, jennifer, writes (3 January 2005): dear mr. experienced,i think that you should talk to her about this and ask her what she feels on the matter. if she is ready she will then proceed to let you know. if she is not she will let you know that also. but either way do not push the issue. and make sure you both have feelings so that it means something. don't take her virginity without any feelings being there. it would be regretted later.
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