A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i can't get over the fact that my first love, my college ex-girlfriend is getting married. I heard the news from my former roommate who was also a friend of hers. when she and i were together she was a bit apprehensive with the two of us having sex. she wasn't ready and i tried to be supportive of that and make her more and more comfortable with it. But i always felt like i was making more damage than good because she would get more and more withdrawn when i brought up the subject of sex. After a year i got really frustrated that we weren't intimate and she saw that and broke up with me. When she dumped me she wished me luck in finding someone else more suited for me and i reacted badly from that comment. i remember telling her that i didn't want anyone else, i wanted her but i also wanted sex. according to her that was why she broke up with me. because i wanted sex and she simply wasn't ready. over the years since our relationship ended i started feeling more and more guilty over how selfish i had been and i had tried to get in touch with her to catch up and ultimately apologize but i never went ahead with it. now i learn that she's been engaged for the past year and she's getting married in december. It's literally a case of 'the one that got away' and i wish i could take it all back and make things right with her. i'm not invited to the wedding, for obvious reasons, but i would like to tell her how sorry i am for having being an ass when we were together. Do you think i should do it though? knowing that she's about to start a life with this dude, should i really make my feelings known?
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female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (18 September 2012):
 I think you felt bad all these years but didn't go ahead and call her to apologize and get her back. You want to now because you feel like you have lost her. Which then makes you reflect on the relationship with rose colored glasses and makes you think it was great and she's the one that got away. If it was worth pursuing you would've by now, it wouldn't take her getting married to realize you love her. Also I don't believe in "the one that got away". I think if something is meant to be then it will be. So if she were your "one" then she would be.
Don't message her your feelings. It won't do anything. Truthfully she isn't the same person anymore, it's been years of growing and being with someone else. You are imagining a past relationship that is long gone and remembering it as perfect except for one mistake you made. That isn't the case. If it was meant to work it would've. So let this one go. Your mind is playing tricks and over romanticizing the past mixing it with your guilt. You will be fine again and back to normal, then you can find the one that's really for you.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (18 September 2012):
Telling her at this point would even be more selfish than what you did in the past.
What is done is done. I am sure that she is more than over it by now and you should be as well. In fact she is right. You SHOULD find someone FOR YOU. The only one who has made you feel guilty is yourself. How would you feel if you were in her shoes?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 September 2012):
 What would be the point? You learned your lesson (hopefully) and she found a guy she felt was perfectly suited for her (I will assume since they are getting married).
She might be "the one who got away" for you.. but I don't think she sees you as "the one who got away". More like the one I'm glad I got away from.
Wish her well if you and the room mate talk about her wedding or whatnot, but leave the ex alone.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 September 2012):
 Nope... it's over and done...
the apology is to make YOU feel better not her...
she did the adult thing and ended it because at the time you were not compatible.
now you get to be an adult and stay away and out of her life...
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (18 September 2012):
 No, keep quiet and dont ruin this happy time for her. She has obviously moved on and is happy with her fiance, she is getting married soon and will be enjoying planning her wedding, she doesnt need any added stress in the form of you turning up and declaring your undying love for her.
I think that the only reason you want to try and tell her how you feel now, is because you are cut up she's moved on - you have had years to tell her how you feel yet all of a sudden just because she's getting married you now want to tell her how you feel. You want what you cant have basically, if you genuinely wanted her back you would have tried all you could to get her back years ago. You've done nothing to get her back before, so you've missed your chance.
She has met the love of her life, this is the man she has chosen to spend the rest of her life with - be happy for her and respect that you had your chance, it is gone now and she is going to live a happy life with a man she has chosen to be her husband. Dont ruin things for her, if you feel truly sorry for being selfish back then dont make the same mistake and be selfish twice - telling her how you feel would only benefit you, by getting it off your chest, it would only cause problems for her so you pretty much prove to her there and then that you havent changed and you are just as selfish as before, always thinking about yourself and how you feel.
There is always 'one that got away' in everyone's lives, sometimes we act quickly enough to get the back, other times we miss our chance and have to accept that it's over and there is no going back. You have missed your chance I'm afraid, leave her alone to get on with her life and you should get on with yours. There will be plenty more girls out there, after all she has met the 'one' so obviously you were not her 'one', meaning there is a girl out there who will think you are 'the one' for her - she wasnt right for you, the timing was wrong - move on.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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