A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:basically in the short of things i really, really like this girl, and shes just finished with her boyfriend and shes had a bit of a rough time about it all! now while you may think im trying to make a move when shes upset, thats not my intention 1 bit, you see she has this fixed mentality that on one ever likes her and she been like do people think im ugly etc etc and shes never said it but i htink she has worst self esteem than me! so i was thinking of teeling her for that reason aswell, im pretty convinced nothing will happen because there a fair few leagues difference between me and her, but i feel i should tell her, coz in a weird way that might help her feel better?!?! ahhhh i dunno what to do! help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): i think u should tell her and let her know that u have been having feelings for her for a long time and that u will always b their for her ! nd n due time things will work out for the better
A
female
reader, Butterflyfly +, writes (30 November 2008):
 A friendly hug or comfortng chat is always going to be appreciated by girls.. especially when they are upset so much. Just let her know by small gestures, or you know, just that bit more attention on her ona casual encounter, that you hope she will be better soon and if she needs anythign, to just ask.. That would be polite and friendly from you.
I guess it's the only way you could get 'in', to win her trust as being there if she needs anything.
If she is still upset about her ex, there isnt much chance you will get her attention in the way you would like to. I agree with the poster below, time allowing she will heal and if you 'sneak in' her life as someone who is of help to her thats a base to build something from.
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A
male
reader, Phsyciatrist-to-be +, writes (30 November 2008):
 I wouldnt put too much pressure on her right now. Break-ups can be extremely hard on people, and adding the weight of someone else's feelings simply wont help, I'm afraid.
I know how you feel: I've been in similar situations. Speaking from experiance, I would suggest you make sure you're there for her always; a shoulder to sry on, if you like. Keep quiet for now, until she's calmed down a bit. Make sure she get's a constant stream of reassurances: she's not ugly, she's perfectly likeable, and so on. Right now, I think the best thing to do is to keep her spirits up, and wait for her to settle down a bit.
I'm sorry that I can't be of more help: I know what it's like to have to keep your mouth shut when the one you care for is struggling. If you really think it's neccessary, then you can tell her how you feel. However, it can only go one of three ways.
You could both end up together. It would play out for a while, and if your prediction comes true, break up again. With luck, reletively cleanly.
You could end up together, but for entirely different reasons. She might simply be using you to ease her own pain: a rebound. This will not end well for you.
Or, she could suddenly feel a huge increase in responibility. Whilst being flattered that you like her, she could panic that her behaviour is pushing you away, even if she herself does not like you in the same way. This would lower her self esteem even more.
When confronted by this choice myself, I decided to keep my trap shut. There was a 2 in 3 chance as I saw it, that it would all end badly, so I kept quiet.
However, dont presume that you situation is the same as mine. Just think it over carefully before you do anything. Good luck, and I hope everything plays out for the best!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): Well, this is coming from a girl and i have to say every girl is different, some girls feel like they need to be in a new relationship as soon as the last one ended, others need time to getover it before being in a relationship again. The best way to deal with this in my opinion is to just be there for her, support her and comfort her when you can and just be there for her to talk to, you'll find out if she wants to be in a new relationship if she starts saying she wants one or just looks like she's on the look out. For example, seeming to perk up when guys say something nice to her or take an interest, even if she believes this to be impossible with her low self esteem you'll be able to see the hope that's there. (i have extremely low self esteem too, she'll be literally begging for compliments especially from guys to convince herself she's not as bad as she thinks)Then if she shows these signs you should tell her, if not then as unfair as it is to you you shouldn't tell her, she's obviously not ready, however if this continues for a long while and you are feeling under pressure then you should tell her, she may like you too and believe you could never like her plus it will save you some major greif. I hope this helped, if not then i hope someone can, you seem like a nice guy who deserves it.
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