A
male
age
36-40,
*apa_Hou
writes:Dear readers,I would like to hear your advice on my situation. To put it bluntly, I'm a 24 year old virgin male. I could try to look good and say that I've been waiting for that special someone, or I'd be honest and tell you that I've never had the chance to lose it (virginity). Ok, except for one or two times when I was actually to stupid to realize the opportunity.The thing is that people don't perceive me as someone who is sexually deprived. I'm probably not your stereotypical 24 year old virgin. Although I lack confidence when it comes to the opposite sex, I don't lack confidence in general. I work out 6 days a week, I'm getting my bachelor's degree this year, work as a barista and work as a volunteer in my spare time. I also go out at least once every two weeks. I'd say my social life, though there's room for improvement, is pretty fine.Almost everywhere I go I leave the impression that I'm at the very least decent when it comes to women. I have no clue why that is. At one of my previous jobs, people and especially the men, thought I was quite a player. To me, just conforming with those perceptions of me was easier than to admit that I was the complete opposite. Now I've developed the habit of acting like someone I'm not. Especially at work.I've been more honest with my friends, though I never had the guts to tell them that I'm still a virgin. I did tell them that I think that, at this point, I lack the skill and attractiveness in general to get a girls attention. They think I'm exaggerating and that I'm not as bad with girls as I believe I am. Supposedly, there are many girls who are or could be interested in me. They think I just need to raise my sexual hunger a bit, to unleash the beast (their words not mine), so they've come up with the brilliant plan: to send me to a prostitute as a birthday gift.What they don't realize is that if I were to visit a prostitute, I'd lose my virginity to her, and I'm feeling very uncomfortable about that. On the one hand, I'd love to admit to them that I am actually a virgin. On the other hand, I'm afraid that I'll be their laughing stock forever. They will also figure out that I've been lying to them the whole time. I've been talking about sex like I was some guru, while in reality I've never touched a tit or even came close to it.They have actually already set up a date: next Saturday, so that's four days from now. I'm losing sleep because of this, so some words of comfort would be nice. I'm still not to sure about losing my virginity to a prostitute. A part of me still thinks that things eventually will work out and I'm not a lost cause. That I will find a nice girl who likes me for who I am, doesn't laugh at my virginity and so on and so on. Another part of me just thinks that part of me is naive. That I should just go visit a prostitute and get it over with. What would you do if you were in my shoes?Thanks in advance. A (not so obvious) virgin from Amsterdam
View related questions:
at work, confidence, player, prostitute, still a virgin Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Hapa_Hou +, writes (29 October 2011):
Hapa_Hou is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello guys and girls. Today is Saturday and I've decided not to visit a prostitute. I've told my friends about this and they were very understanding. We're going to a club and party instead.
So I guess I'll just cherish the thought of me finding a girl who likes me as much as I like her. Maybe I'm just a naive, hopelessly romantic guy, but I don't care. I love myself like that.
I'd like to thank all of you for your kind words and advices. They helped me out a lot. Cheers on you tonight!
A
male
reader, dougbcoll  +, writes (28 October 2011):
 i lost my virginity to a prostitute at the age of 18. it was just sex , self gratifying , self centered , and not looking for a relationship at the time.it was basically throwing my virginity away. i know nothing of the person i was with, not her name, what she liked or disliked . i knew nothing of her, and did not care at that time. looking back i feel guilty and wish i would have done things different . that was about 33 years ago. i wish i would have waited for my wife to have been my first,because that is someone i feel more connected too than anyone else in the world.she is someone i care about , and she cares about me. a big difference than just going through the motion of a sex act with someone. take your time and choose carefully its your choice .
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 October 2011):
 My ex was 24 when he lost his virginity to me. I recently asked him, thinking about this question, if he found it difficult to be a virgin at that age. He said no. He said it would become a problem if he made it out to be a problem, so he didn't think of it as something negative and hence it wasn't a negative thing either.
It's all in your head, really. No one else can look down at you and "pity" you or give you a stigma unless you allow it. If YOU feel fine about being a virgin then it IS fine to be a virgin.
I would have hated it if he had been with a prostitute. I'm fine with men having had sex before they meet me, sure, but a prostitute is very different. I am glad my ex waited for me rather than just go out and hump someone, especially someone who's charging money for it. Now that is what's pathetic.
...............................
A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (27 October 2011):
My friend was 24 when he lost it to a prostitute about a year ago and he doesn't regret it at all.
The reason is, the stigma about being a virgin became too much for him and he just needed to "lose it" so that he could feel normal. I don't really blame him really and didn't talk him out of it, as he was so sure it was what he wanted to do.
My friend is a very "moral" and thoughtful person. Typical "nice" guy. You should do what you think feels right, and if you're not sure, give it more time to think about.
...............................
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (27 October 2011):
Sounds like a bad idea, and may spoil your future relationships. Plus all the other good reasons not too that have already been mentioned.
...............................
A
male
reader, oneguy +, writes (26 October 2011):
Hi,
Please read these points carefully.
1. Girls are extremely smart and can easily find out in the first meeting that you are a virgin. Don't assume they can't or don't.
2. As someone already pointed out, prostitutes are never in the business out of choice. It is the worst thing you can do to lose your virginity.
3. Use "Fleshlight" products if you are keen on feeling physical pleasure. Technology has changed everything and you should use it to protect yourself.
4. Virginity is not overrated like people say. It is quite important. You should lose it to the person you love. Don't lose it like this. Good things take time to happen. The fruit of patience is always sweet.
5. 24 years is nothing - I know 30 year old virgins. They're extremely fit, handsome, disciplined, focused and they are proud to be virgins.
Take care friend. Do all the right things, and all the beautiful pure things will come into your life.
Regards,
OneGuy.
...............................
A
female
reader, mooh  +, writes (25 October 2011):
You are obviously thinking that you don't want to go through with this bday "present" and even took the time to write about it so looks like a bad idea to go through with the whole thing. First of all: if you don't want to have sex with the prostitute and cancel: you don't need to justify yourself and reveal to your friends that you are a virgin - it's none of their business and you don't owe them an explanation (maybe just tell them that you're not feeling it and you'd rather do it with someone you care about) ! maybe talking on a one to one basis with the person who is organizing the whole thing would be easier. The whole "virginity" and losing "it" is totally over-rated, but doing it with a prostitute i think would be a pity because it would lose the whole fun/pleasant/intimate side of the experience. Remember that if you decide to go ahead and F*** the prostitute to impress your friends: you are in risk of STDs and you will be known as the guy who f'ed a wh*re. if there are maybe some girls that fancy you, but they learn that you actually did F a wh*re i guarantee you that most will think it's gross and desperate (especially if some girl actually already likes you). I'm sure that if you refuse to have anything to do with the prostitute then it will actually play in your favor: you will appear as standing up for yourself and not as someone who falls to peer-pressure to have sex, and with the girl you decide to lose your virginity i think that she will find it very touching/special that she is the first. Instead of doing it with a prostitute, if you really reallly wanna do it: get super drunk at your bday party and flirt with some girls and im sure at least one will want to go home with you !
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2011): Hi there. You seem to be a really good guy and quite a catch, I might add. You have answered your own question by saying you feel very (not just a little bit) uncomfortable about this. Then by all means don't do it. You are not the only 24 virgin in the world, trust me. There are many people who are virgins in their 20s, even 30s (I'm one of them, 26). It is easy to get the impression that everybody else around you has already had sex because those who haven't keep that as a secret (like yourself). It is funny what you said about talking about sex like a guru even though you have no personal experience. I'm the same. I read about it a lot, for example on this web site you can get a glimpse into people's sex lives, something you couldn't do without the anonymity of the internet. You can learn a lot from other people's experiences. So I know a lot about it, I feel like an expert because I have the experience of the whole world, despite not having my own.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (25 October 2011):
When in doubt, don't buy.
You're not feeling comfortable about this, so don't do it. The prostitutes will always be there, it's not like you can't go see one later on if you feel you really want it.
In the meantime, think about whether or not you want a) sex, or b) a prostitute. You will carry a sort of stigma if you have been to a prostitute, and although you can live with it and it might never be a problem in the future, I don't see a good reason for why you should willingly put yourself in that position.
I personally can't imagine anything more weird or awkward than to have your first sexual experience with someone who's on the clock.
Sure, it could help you, but if having a shag is all you need to solve your problems with intimacy and connecting with women, then might as well just have a one night stand? Saves your friends the money, and saves you the headache.
Girls don't laugh at a mans virginity... Thats a fear you keep telling yourself, but reality is that once you find a nice girl she wont care if you are a virgin or not, because she will love you for you, and not for how many/or few sexual partners you've ever had.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (25 October 2011):
 Don't do it. Tell your friends to butt out and that you're a virgin because you want your first time to be special and you don't want to lose it with someone who you don't know and who most likely hates you. Just tell them you're not comfortable with sex with a prostituted woman. Your friends sound pretty unfriendly. I really think later in life you'll regret having sex with a prostituted woman. There are many questions on here from men who feel guilt about it and have to spend the rest of their lives lying about this. What would you tell a future partner? Having a one night stand and having sex with a prostituted woman are completely different (one is between two consenting parties, the other is essentially pay per rape).
As for sex with prostituted women, just from a humanitarian aspect it's an awful idea. Here are some statistics on prostituted women:
70-90% of prostituted women suffered sexual abuse prior to entering.
68% of prostituted women suffer PTSD.
1 in 500 prostituted women are murdered.
The majority of prostituted women report having been sexually assaulted within the past year.
Around 90% of prostituted women want to leave prostitution but lack the financial means.
You would have no way of knowing if the woman you were with was there "by choice" or from a complete lack of options (far more likely than because she likes it) or even if she was trafficked there. Unless you find one of the women in the small minority who wants to be there, you would essentially be raping her since sex by coercion is rape, and paying someone for sex is coercion.
...............................
|
