A
male
age
36-40,
*esley55
writes:I am not asking this question about losing my virginity for the sake of being ''cool'' and ''popular'' becuase I am honestly an older guy who is far beyond that mindset. I am only considering losing my virginity for my own sanity and not for bragging rights and etcetera. I am currently a currently 22 year old man( I will be 23 on Sept.21) who has never dated, kissed, or had sex with a girl despite the fact that I have had plenty of opportunities to do so. At young age I had already decided that I did not want to be a player and be responsible for breaking the hearts of countless females but I ended up engaging in the opposite behavior which is somewhat masochist. Despite the fact that I have a very high sex drive, I have always wanted to offer myself to only one woman. However, I do have a high sex drive and each year I stay in this position past my teen years is starting to affect ego and self-confidence more and more. What should I do to kill the pain? Should I try dating as soon as possible and see if that is enough or should I try to get laid as a little birthday present to myself in the near future. If I decide to just ''lose it'' , what would be the safest method of doing so? Would I be less likely to get an S.T.D. at a legal brothel or would this incure the same amount of risk as the party next door but with a significant amount of money in order to do so. I know female readers of this post must be a slightly saddened to hear that I am giving this some serious consideration since male virgins are so rare[Especially at my age] but if reading this post can think of some alternative options I would be happy to hear them as well.
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insecure, money, player, sex drive Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2011): Hello :) you've probably already heard this a million times but I love that you've waited for the right woman. you are viewing this whole situation wrong. You are probably looking at this as somewhat of a possible lack on your side of the deal. Many women will not see it that way, and there are many women who want to have their first time with their husband be his first time too. You have done yourself a favor in all this by not getting herpes. It will be nice for your future lover to be able to have to be concerned as to whether you have STDs or not. Please hold onto your virginity, a woman will love you for it and with it sometime probably in the near future. Paige
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2011): 1) You need to cut your parents out of your life and quick because they are going to leech you dry and destroy your potential and your future if you don't. Move out! Find out if your area has a living or an unemployment benefit and get out of there, it's doing you harm just staying there.
2) Report what's happening about your situation to the government department and ask them for help tell them that you need their help to get out of this situation or your parents will end up using your money for your future to pay their bills. Govt departments hate it when money intended for a certain person use is redirected so chances are they will try to help you. Print out your question here or show it to them when you meet with somebody and make sure to meet with a person, none of this will work through e-mail.
3) Go to the police and ask them if they can provide you with any accommodation even tempory accommodation. What your parents are doing by forcing you to spend your money on their bills is not right and is illegal in some parts.
4) Find accommodation even if you have to rent a room with 5 other people do it to get out of that situation. Go to a church and ask the priest if he could ask if anyone would help you out by giving you accommodation tell him your story. People who frequent a church are more likely to help you out of charity.
5) Look for jobs in the city where the uni is that you want to go it not in your own town if possible. Then save up.
6) Go to uni and find out what scholarships and grants are available then go contact the people or groups who sponsor them directly as this will give you a much better chance to receive them.
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You have to change something you have to do something or nothing will ever get better so go do what I mentioned and find people who can help you. It will be tough since you are also shy but you cannot lower your hopes and accept this you can do better you just need to find people who are willing to help you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 July 2011):
 I agree that dating and meeting the right woman will do wonders for this problem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2011): I feel it would be best for you to start dating, rather than decide to just get laid with anyone. A lot of men may enjoy having sex without intimacy and emotional closeness, but since you have kept yourself for that special person, I do not think having sex for the sake of getting rid of your virginity would be right for you.
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A
female
reader, Orbiter  +, writes (2 July 2011):
Personally I'd suggest you just throw yourself into dating and maybe not putting so much worry on being a player. In my opinion a player is a person who sleeps with girls while promising them more which they never intend to keep to. If you have the opportunity to date then why not go for it? It may work out long term or it may not unfortunately you won't really know for sure until you actually try. Dating someone to see if it will work out is not being a player.
It's hard to really give you good advice as I'm not exactly sure where you go wrong with girls but your basic morals sound good so there's no need to completely change them but I would suggest relaxing them a bit more and just going with the flow with a girl who's company you enjoy.
I wouldn't go to a prostitute if I were you. Yeah I should think a legal one would be safer, there's still going to be a risk there and hopefully it's less likely the women there are being in any way forced into it. But it won't help you get a girlfriend and a loving relationship in the future. Really you need to address this problem now or you might end up the creepy 40yr old guy who's never had a relationship and just visits prostitutes.
If you must go this route, then whatever you do wear a condom (obviously).
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (2 July 2011):
 Not until you feel it's with the "right one" I mean anyone can go out and "lose it" with a pro for cash...that's easy enough but - Your first will be the one you always visualize when having sex so be very careful you could ruin your future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2011): I suggest you joining waitingtillmarriage.org It helps guys like you (who want to wait) feel more confident. There's a ton of advice on there. You get to actually talk to completely normal guys and girls. It's not one of those crazy religious sites. People of all religions (or lack thereof) have joined. Even if you don't want to wait until marriage, I find it kind of sad to just blow it all. Don't submit to peer pressure. Also know that you don't HAVE to tell people that you're a virgin, you know. It's a personal choice and it should be respected as that. You're an honorable man. If you want to wait until you find 'the one', then keep on that quest. You're still very young. Even though it may feel like you're the only guy virgin around, you're not. A lot of guys are insecure about what people will think, so they usually keep it to themselves.
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