A
female
age
30-35,
*lydiese
writes:Ive asked about my memory loss before but this is a little different. I'll cut the story short i'm 20 and only have memories of the past 7 months, everything before that is gone and i've been told it wont come back. I was just wondering if i were to start dating someone if i should try to hide it? As i dont think people really understand.I feel really self concious about it, as i also have seizures which are brought on by stress, so its a lot for someone to take in. Should i lie, which isn't as easy as it sounds.Or wait it out a bit then tell them? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Elydiese +, writes (29 April 2011):
Elydiese is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your post as you say it is very rare to find someone in the same situation ive now got 9 months of memory and ive decided to get on with my life applying for jobs and college sadly i have been rejected from jobs because i dont have enough experience and i think when people realise that the memory loss is actually real they dont know what to do or say which i'm kind of used to i havent really been in a situation as to the one i've explained meeting guys and going out because well i stay in a lot because it seems easier that way. I have a strong sense of humour about it and dont let it bother me unless someone else comes along and i have to explain but hopefully i can now start to move on and have a good life. Thanks again for posting and congrats on having your little girl and moving on with your life xx
A
female
reader, TicTac +, writes (19 April 2011):
hi i posted on this site some point last year (http://www.dearcupid.org/question/amnesia-stole-four-years-of-my-life-and.html), and i am probably one of the only people in the world that knows exactly how you feel although our memory loss is slightly different. i also suffer the seizures and blackouts, i originally believed i had lost 4 years of my memory but have trouble recalling anything significant before April last year. after extensive therapy and discussions with family and friends, i have had my life explained to me and believe the memory loss occurred after i was abused and raped repeatedly by an ex boyfriend. it just shows what stress can do to you i know this doesn't help you very much as you state their was no trauma to trigger your memory loss when i last posted i was having problems with my boyfriend who i had forgotten and i was also pregnant to him. i have now had a beautiful baby girl who is 4 months old and although its difficult me and her father have worked hard on the relationship and are getting on a lot better. to build a relationship with no memory is very difficult, not knowing the normal everyday things that have occurred over the last few years can lead to awkward situations. (iv had a lot of people just think im really stupid) many wont understand - i think you should be honest about your situation, ease them into it slowly, discussing it on maybe the third or forth date but i dont think you should lie. unfortunately this condition is part of you now but that dosnt mean u have to be 'amnesia girl' for the rest of your life. iv lost my memories so im creating new ones i think you should do the same :D p.s - sorry for such a long reply its rare to find someone the same as me x good luck x
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A
female
reader, Elydiese +, writes (21 February 2011):
Elydiese is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni have seen a pyschiatrist, a psychotherapist, a behavioural therapist, lots of doctors, i have been through countless tests, there was no trauma and nothing that pin points why this happened i was suffering seizures before the memory went. I have coped very well with it already i just accept that its there. No one has heard of this before so Flynn 24 no there arent many people who can relate to it which makes it so much harder and yes in my case the memories did just disappear, of course i have looked at things from my past me, my family and my friends have went to certain places i went to as a child things i enjoy doing looking through videos, photos, everything possible and there is nothing at that i can remember. The fact it doesnt bother me might be a good thing its just peoples reactions to my situation. I try not to worry about silly things like this as the more wound up and stressed i get the more the seizures come on. Thank you for answering i kow it is a hard question to answer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2011): It's not usually a good idea to start off a relationship (of any kind, not just a dating relationship) by lying about something like this; after you do tell the truth it may lead people to doubt your honesty in other areas. And such a profound memory loss...it will be really difficult to hide that from someone you're close to. You don't have to tell someone everything within 5 minutes of meeting them. On the other hand, with something like this, you might be stressed until you do talk it over. It's probably best if you can come up with a way to reveal a little bit at a time. Think about the questions you ask people when you're trying to get to know them--where did you grow up, did you have any pets as a child--and try to come up with some witty answers that hint at your memory loss. Then when you're ready it will be easier to talk about. The seizures, though--if you know that certain situations will likely bring one on, you'll have to talk about it before you get in those situations. Unfortunately you're right that there are people out there who won't understand. But there are also a lot who will, or who are willing to learn. Wishing you all the best!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2011): How do you know your memories will not return in some way?
What caused the loss? An accident? Tumour? Memories of an entire lifetime don't just disappear for no reason. Eith you block them out or they are physical circumstances rob you of the ability to access them.
Have you looked into your family, your history, videos, photos, friends, locations, anything of the life you no longer remember?
This is a very strange problem and I don't think there are many who can relate.
What possible purpose can lying serve? How would this help? Friendships and relationships are not built on lies. They are built on truths, love, sacrifice and committment and above all, trust.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, lemonyliz  +, writes (20 February 2011):
First, I would say your focus should be memory recall, controlling your seizures and recovery, not necessarily dating.
I have seizures and issues with night terrors and memory recall as well, so I understand your concerns and of course relationships are a part of moving forward and continuing living.
My suggestion would be to try and fill in the bits of your past through aids like photos, stories from friends, maybe old journal entries etc. in regards to memory recall as at least having these ideas of your past may make initial conversation in a relationship easier.
Then I would say, stay in an area you are comfortable with in regards to talking. Tell your date things that you DO remember, talk about movies, food, books, work, etc. If things feel like they are moving in the right direction, then start to explain about your health issues little by little. there is no need to delve into all the facts right away.
Maybe mention that you have had memory issues and that it's a struggle but you are working through it as best you can, if he seems interested in discussing it you can tell him a bit more about it, but if not, ask him questions about himself and let that be the gist of it for that evening. Later you can breach the topic of seizures and again, gauge how he deals with it and so on and so forth until you feel close enough to him to really confide in.
For me, I always try and bring it up fairly early (2nd or 3rd date) and then gradually go into more detail as we continue dating, that way it's not too overwhelming and they can still focus on YOU and not get too caught up in your medical problems.
Good luck with the memory loss/seizures and I hope you find someone caring and understanding!
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