A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Do I let a friend back into our lives after I found out some stuff?I had a very good friend (male) who was my best friend for some time. When he was going through a divorce, he stayed with us about 1 or 2 nights every weekend. He stayed with his parents during the work week. After he got divorced, he joined the military and moved about 20 hours away. We keep in contact via phone and e-mail, and My wife and I have seen him about once every 2 years since his divorce. That was about 10 years ago.He's now retiring from the military and got a new job up near where we live. About 1/2 hour away. He keeps talking about spending a lot of time with me when he moves back to PA. (he's moving back in Jan 2010).The problem is, my friend used to take showers at our house, sometimes before I got home from work on a Friday, and would walk around for a little while in his little white brief underwear. I knew this, and I still walk around in my underwear 1st thing after a shower. My wife kind of slipped up and said she missed seeing him in his underwear and teasing him. Long story short, I guess she used to kind of flirt with him, even to the point of touching his chest and underwear and getting him excited. My wife swears that nothing ever came of it, it was just some flirting and teasing. She did admit that once he got excited and he pulled down his underwear showing her his erection. She 'claims' she smacked him on the arm and walked out of the room.I'd like to see my friend on a more regular basis when he moves back to PA, but I'm also uncomfortable that this 'flirting/teasing' was going on 10 years ago, and don't want a repeat of that, and that I can control, but I don't even know if I want my wife to even see him to bring up memories of that time. We now have 3 kids, and live a way different life than the 'wild' early 20's life we had then.Do I keep him out of life when he moves back? Or, do we just never have him stay over? Or, do I just never let my wife see him again?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009): As much as i understand what you are saying, i think you need to think about one thing. You said,"We now have 3 kid's and live a way different life than the 'wild' early 20's life we had then." I looked at your age bracket and am guessing that all of that happened some 10 years ago. I would like to think that in 10 years he has changed a lot to from the wild guy he was then. Your wife has also changed. If you think they still have and issue, then address it with him. Talk it out. If not, leave it alone and in the past where it belongs. I don't think that they will be in the same situation that they were before...living in your house... I would not allow that under the circumstances. If after all this time you don't trust your wife in the same room as your friend, as friends though i think your marriage is already in trouble. I would avoid certain situations but over all i can't see why you can't have a friendship. mal
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