A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I understand that girls will always be more mature than boys. Naturally, girls physically mature faster as they go through puberty earlier than their male counterparts. This brings me to my daughter who is a sophomore in high school. She is smart get good grades and I feel mature for her age. she is cute though I am bias as I am her mom. She has a friend who is a boy whom she wants to be her boyfriend. I am on the fence about her dating and having a boyfriend. Since studies suggest that girls mature faster than boys perhaps she has thought about kissing and perhaps sex. Any advice about whether to let her date? How can dating help a girl in high school?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2022): This is an opportunity to talk to her; and have her express why she feels she's ready and responsible enough for dating. It's surely up to you, as her mother, to decide on what's best for your daughter. Teenagers don't always see your rules as for their protection; they see it as dictating what they can and cannot do. Their remedy, and first inclination, is to do whatever they can to circumvent your authority; and that doesn't mean they're being a bad kid. They are approaching a point where they have opinions and independence of thought; they just haven't developed judgement through experience, and still need guidance. You no longer change her diapers, but you still clean-up after the messes she makes. You take full responsibility as a mother and parent when any harm comes upon her. Your conscience will not forgive you when you fail. That makes no sense from a child's perspective.
If your husband is an active participant in parenting and decision-making; please don't leave him out. Girls need dads to set the example of what a good-man is; and she also needs to know he will be keeping an eye on that young-man. Knowing what boys have in-mind, and seeing beyond just her feelings for him. Even if you're divorced, but he actively co-parents; let dad be a part of your decision. If you feel he'll seize any opportunity to overrule your decisions, or tends to give her what she wants as a means of manipulation; use your own wisdom and common sense about getting him involved. You only need his involvement, if you're both on the same page; and will back each-other up. I'll assume you may be a single-mother; or you'd defer the question to her father. You didn't mention what her father thinks, or if you both might disagree.
Giving her a chance to discuss it with you reinforces trust, keeps communication open, and gives you some insight on how strong her feelings are about this boy. She may already be seeing him, but this is her attempt at bringing it out into the open. She has proven she has a good sense of responsibility, she cares about her grades, and has shown a certain level of maturity. You feel you can trust her. The problem isn't that she's ready, you have some authority over your kid; it's whether the boy she likes shows the same measure of responsibility, and has been brought-up under an equal quality of parenting compared to what your daughter receives. Get to know him, find-out who his parents are, and listen when she talks about him.
Yes, girls are theoretically more mature than boys of the same age; but boys can't get pregnant. Sex will be a major issue in this situation; so she has to be reminded of what her responsibilities are for herself, and what she should expect of him. Love isn't true-love at her age; but as far as they're concerned it is. They will listen to their feelings over your advice and authority; so you must make it clear to her that if you grant her permission you place a great amount of value on trust. If she betrays your trust, you will take every measure necessary to put things back in proper perspective; and will not hesitate do whatever it takes to protect her, and to maintain order in your family. Boys will come and go, but you are her mother forever.
I hope things workout for the best. No matter what your decision is. To wait a little longer is a sound decision. To grant your permission is still a responsible choice; if you feel she listens to your advice, isn't the wild rebellious-type, or isn't inclined to be compulsive. You're her mom, you know her better than she knows herself!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 February 2022):
 Girls are not REALLY more mature than boys, they are just "expected" to know better and "behave" better than boys.
Telling a teen that they CAN'T date - is not going to stop them. Telling a teen that they CAN'T kiss someone or have sex is NOT going to stop them.
But talking to them, teach them that it is OK to set boundaries. Make sure they know that actions have consequences. Consequences they might not feel ready for. That SEX isn't love. And NO is a complete sentence.
Make sure SHE knows she can come to you.
The way to get a person to BE responsible is by making them responsible for their choices. Doesn't mean you toss them in the middle of the lake and tell them it's their responsibility to learn to swim to the shore.
Trust is important. And it goes both ways.
And for YOU to trust that you have raised your kiddo to think before she acts. Think before she speaks.
Set RESONABLE boundaries for her (with her).
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (31 January 2022):
 I like Youcannotbeserious' advice. I'll add a bit.
Generally girls only think they are more mature, or rather they are really good at faking it.
Next, This is not the boy she is going to marry. The odds are so far against it. But you don't need to tell her. It is like most relationships in high school a practice relationship. She can practice communicating, sharing emotions, kissing, getting her feelings hurt, and in the end getting dumped for the next new thing. Hopefully after 2 or so of these practice relationships, she will be able to distinguish between a crush and love. She does need to learn that.
Sadly her grades will suffer. Hopefully she will learn how to balance her time. If she does she will do better at university.
About sex. Yes that's more likely than not. As parents and religious figures we can add a lot of misery to our children's lives by feeding them shame. As a retired parent I know how hard that is to balance.
A teen can make good choices if they have all the information and are based in a safe environment.
You want to be the first person she come to with questions.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (31 January 2022):
 I'm not sure dating can help a girl in high school in any way, but there again neither can sneaking around behind her mother's back because she has been forbidden to date.
If your daughter feels she is mature enough to date, then she should be mature enough to discuss with you what she expects from dating and how to keep herself safe (sexually, physically and emotionally).
Have you met this boy? If so, do you like him? Do you think he will be good for your daughter? Have you met his family? If you haven't met him, insist on meeting him.
The bottom line is, you won't stop your daughter dating (or anything else) by forbidding it. Keep her on side so she trust you and confides in you if she is worried about anything. Being a parent is never black and white. There are no rules. Go with your gut instinct.
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