A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there.. please give me your opinion.. so me and my partner have been together 2 yrs and due to get married in October we have a child each who lives with us (his childrens mother past away) he also has 3 other older children that were took in to care many years ago due to mothers drug abuse .. now the daughter has done nothing but make snide remarks about our wedding ie she wants to dress as a bridesmaid (I am not having bridesmaid) then she coming to get smashed out her face and chat about her mother (even tho they didn't get on ) not we got on ok meeting for lunch together and meeting up all kids, partners etc but this weekend she came over with her normal crap chat and I sorta lost it and told her if she is gonna cause us problems she will be told to leave she kicked off .I know it's sad she went to care and then her mum died but it's not my fault I have my son who is ill and our wedding day will be a big day for him to enjoy and a memory for us , I know my partner would ban her from our day but I dont want any bad feeling.. I honestly think she feels left out of the planning but it's only us and my mum who knows details as it's a small do .. my whole inside tell me to not let her come but the sane me knows I have to to keep the peace her own family tell me , I will never win with her .. what do you think ??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2020): Although it is your big day, I have to also say that you mention it will be a big day for your ( Ill) son too, to enjoy and have memories, is the daughter not entitled to these special memories as well of her father's wedding as YOUR son to your wedding.
I know youngsters can deliberately spoil important events, but maybe a little love and trust would change that. Is it possible to make her feel a little special too, like all little girls dream of being a bridesmaid, is she old enough to do something like a matron of honour, carry your flowers, I don't know. Give her responsibility and trust and love that she never had and will suffer all through her adult life with.
You could always arrange somebody on standby to take her away if she starts to kick off. ( Prepare somebody discreetly). If she is banned she will never forgive you and hold it against you for the whole of your marriage to her father.
Yes, I know it's your big day but big days are only for ONE day, you have your whole life ahead with your husband's daughter, in sickness and in health to him, but she is part of HIM.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2020): When we have included her before or asked for an input .. simple things like just meeting for lunch she just wont turn up .. and then ring the following day saying she was asleep .. but I will try and include her some way.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (21 July 2020):
 I know you are being selective about who is involved with the planning, but this child (you don't give her age) sounds like she is acting up because she is feeling left out. Is there really no way you can get her involved with "helping" to plan the wedding day? I am sure someone of your maturity and kind heart can think of a token thing she could help with so that she feels involved.
Hope you all have a lovely day.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 July 2020):
 I would let her come, IF she behaves badly THAT is on her. Your soon-to-be husband will HAVE to be the one dealing with her if she acts up at the wedding. That shouldn't be YOUR job.
You will probably never "win" with her and you don't have to "win" anything. This is probably pretty hard on her, she has without a doubt gone through shit in her life and that shapes a person. BUT she is more than that.
If I were you I'd sit down with your husband to be and ASK this question of him. This IS his circus, this IS his monkey.
But on a personal note, I would CHOOSE to hope for the best and see the good in her. And let her know JUST that. It is however, NOT a "bad thing" to not want her there if you know she will want to ruin things. No one wants drama on their wedding day or any other celebration. So it IS also OK to not want her there.
Don't worry about her so much but consider what kind of person YOU want to be.
If she behaves like a total twat in the next two months you CAN always have your husband-to-be uninvite her. I think HE needs to have a chat with her. He needs to make it clear that THIS is a special day and if she can't/won't bring her A-game and positivity, then it's better she doesn't show up.
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