A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I am getting married in a few months and I obviously don't want to invite any of my ex-boyfriends because I think it would make my fiance feel uncomfortable. He on the other hand wants to invite almost all his ex-girlfriends. He claims they are friends, but they only hung out when they were dating and he doesn't talk to them anymore. I don't even understand why he wants to invite them, it would make me feel uncomfortable having all his exes at our reception and i thought he would respect me enough to not invite them, but he did anyways. I guess my question is, should he invite his exes when I dont want him to? And am i just worrying over nothing?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007): I understand where you are coming from exactly, hun. This wouldn't bother some brides but it would really annoy the hell out of most of them. A wedding is a day to celebrate your union and future together. So naturally, you and he want loving, trusting people at your wedding. You want people there who will help you celebrate, help you mark this wonderful occasion and only want to sincerely wish you both the best, in your life together. I am not a believer in being 'friends with the exes' let alone inviting them to the wedding. I guess I am questioning your fiancé's maturity and motives for having them come. Why does he need them there?
Your wedding day will be a flurry of activity, time constraints, and stress. You don't need the added stress of seeing his ex gf's sitting there at the reception. If it bothers you...you do have the right to say no and set a boundary here. I guess I just feel having them at the wedding, would sort of 'taint' the happiest day of your life and might make it a day you won't care to remember. Who needs that crap? Do not allow this. It's one thing to accept he's 'friends' with them on a daily basis...it's quite another thing to invite them to the wedding. To me that is rather tacky. This has become a respect issue and he needs to consider your thoughts and feelings. He better start practicing that now, as married life is coming up fast and communication, negotiation, respect and honor for each other is top priority to making it work. And you both will need to set boundaries in this marriage what you both will and will not tolerate. This seems like a good time to start doing that. Just my thoughts here. But you do need to discuss this with him. Now, I just want to say---Congratulations! Have a super wedding and all the best, in your future.
A
female
reader, stina +, writes (29 January 2007):
 Well, I think India had a great answer!
Just remember that it's a big day for the BOTH of you. If he wants to invite some of this friends, then I think that's fine. A bit strange (if he doesn't really talk to them that much; but then again I'm sure I don't have all of the details), but fine.
Just remember that you have to really think about what battles you want pick. Are you really intimidated by his ex girlfriends? They are his ex's for a reason, you know? If they show up, then you two are probably going to be busy talking with family members and friends who you are all closer to. And it would be a good way to flaunt that you have your man now, too, instead of them. lol :)
But I do think that you should tell him it makes you a bit uncomfortable. Things like this need to be worked out and resolved in some manner. Even if that means learning to compromise with certain things...
Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007): It's your big day, why the hell does he want his ex's there??????? Tell him to forget inviting his exs or he can forget the wedding!!
Take care
xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007): I don't know what the background story is (if any) and what your fiance is like, but the first thought that crossed my head was, "Ooo he's gloating." To me, with no knowledge of the larger picture, it sounds like he's trying to rub your marriage in their faces (not a bad thing.. think of it like, "hah! I got the guy! I win.") Then again, maybe I'm just evil. :) Enjoy your wedding and don't fret about those exes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007): Exactly @ TasteOfIndia, it's like he's putting you on the throne to crown you queen, and has invited all his previous partners in a show of grandeur. Of course, he may not be thinking that, but you can think like that.
In other words, you are his queen, while they're all simply commoners. Let them think whatever they want, if that is, they have any ill-will of you and him. If they do, they're simply just jealous.
It's the more positive way to think about this you know? 8]
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (29 January 2007):
 I understand why you're upset. However, girl - he's marrying YOU! Not anyone else, just YOU! If I got married, I would definitely shoot a number of ex-boyfriend's an invitation. They're good friends now! I would want to be invited to their weddings.
If it really makes you VERY uncomfortable, I think you need to just lay that out for your fiancé. Just tell him that you told him you didn't want any of his old girlfriends there and you feel disrespected that he went ahead and invited them anyways. It's BOTH of your weddings, and you need to be able to have a happy evening for both of you.
Etiquette suggests that once the invitation has already been put out, you can't exactly "un-invite" someone. That's something to think about.
I don't think you have anything to WORRY about, per se. I don't think he's going to cheat on you or start any drama with these exes. But, on the other hand I think that it wasn't alright for him to invite them if you outright told him you didn't want them coming.
You need to sit down with your man and talk about what's going on. I think you need to know honestly why he went ahead and invited them, I think he needs to hear you out... communication, my friend.
Well, that was a ramble.
Good luck, and congratulations.
xxIndia
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