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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: hi every1, i was just wonder, my friend came for me for help i did know what to say!!she saw condoms in her father's car as they were pulled up by a police! she and her mother had already discussed that her father might have been cheating since he doesn't return home till 1 2 and sometimes 3 at night! he has this "worker" he keeps taking her to places..but her mother is not only thinking that he is cheating with her only but with many other women! should she tell her mother that she found the condoms in the car? and also her mother had found condoms in his jacket few days before that incident? so tell me what should i advice my friend: should she tell her mother and in what way..not to get her parents into a huge fight...plz help!!
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female
reader, abstinence16  +, writes (9 December 2015):
I have the same problem...am only 16 i dont want to upset my mom if i tell her, i found it today...please give me some conforting answers.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007): In short, you can advise your friend to confront the dad in private if you want to. As Irish has mentioned, it IS possible to be a bad husband but still a great father. He may not fill in the role of a family leader, but being a great father extends into the children, despite failing to keep the relationship in good health between the wife and himself. Tact is very important here. I wouldn't say he deserves a chance at repairing the harm he may have caused, but to keep the greater connection of the family together, some things should be given some thought, take consequences of actions into perspective, what are the long term effects, what will happen in the present with everyone, etc, etc.
As Lilly has commented, this isn't really her problem, but the problems of her parents. However, like I said, if he upsets her that much, she can confront her dad and ONLY her dad.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007): Wow, you have to wonder what pain your friend must be going through. She probably going through hell and asking herself a ton of questions like: What will happen to my family? What kind of husband is my father to my Mother? Are my parents going to split up? Are all guys unfaithful like my Dad?
This may be controversial advice but I really feel she needs to find her voice and strength and use it. I am hoping although he's a crappy husband, he still is a loving father because she has a right to say to her Dad, how all this is making her feel. And he needs to stop and listen. Your friend is likely very, very angry with her father and is itching to tell him a thing or two. If I were in your shoes, I would tell your friend that she needs to speak up and be heard. All her father is doing is adversely and mindlessly taking this family down. Tell her not to be scared, timid or shy. She needs to find her courage and confront her Dad, and tell him very strongly what she found in that car. I for one, think it would be good for Dad to feel embarrassed, to feel remorse for what he's putting not just his wife through but his whole family. Her words might knock some sense into his head. It's one thing for Dad to know that Mom is aware of the affairs...it's quite another thing that his teen daughter knows, and is very angry/disappointed and has lost respect for him. That might be the motivation he needs to get his act together. He needs to be forced to take responsibility for 'blowing up his family with his infidelities and she might have more impact than her Mother ever would. Her parents are so caught up in their own drama, they both have neglected to take into consideration, the well-being and proper loving care of the most precious thing in their lives...their children.
If she can't do this face to face with her Dad, tell her to write him a letter and tell him exactly how she feels about what he is doing. Tell her to be be direct, but also tell her she needs to remember, she can only speak and use her voice. There is no guarantee that she'' make her Dad rethink his bad behaviors. Sadly, it's their marriage, their life and no one can stop him from ruining it. I am glad she has a friend like you to confide in. Keep being there for her. If she has a grandparent, aunt, teacher, guidance counselor, a minister she trusts, have her seek some counsel from them.
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A
female
reader, Lilly223 +, writes (29 January 2007):
 Frankly I think that if the mother already found condoms in her husbands coat pocket then that is sufficient to cause enough suspicion without their daughter bringing to light the car condoms. Have your friend say nothing to either parent... the coat pocket condoms have done all the informing that is needed at this point. In addition, the daughter should not involve herself, she would risk appearing to take sides (mother's over father's) and this is not something she needs to do at this point. Just let the car condoms go... on the other hand the daughter should NOT cover for her father if she is asked by him to lie to the mother abou his whereabouts. The less involved the daughter gets in the situation the better... this is NOT her problem.
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