A
female
age
36-40,
*enL
writes:My boyfriend and I had been dating for 4 months but have known each other for almost 3 years. I always suspected that he and my sister had/have a thing for each other, but always thought that it was more like unspoken. He was once her teacher but also our club advisor. During trips, he would often hold her hands and hug her dearly. Once they hugged each other like couples, in front of me and another student. Hate to admit it but it always made me mad and jealous. Even so, I still chose to get into a relationship with him because i love him so much. I once asked him at the beginning of our relationship whether he likes her in a romantic way and he said Yes. Whereas toward me, he found this sexual and personality attraction.It's pathetic isn't it? knowing that he's married and liked my sister, yet I still love him. To be fair, he did say that he was hoping that i was looking to have some fun and doesn't want me to get hurt.Our relationship started in a somewhat sexual way,like the 'one thing lead to another' kind, so I often can't help but think he's only with me because of the sex. Though, he always cares for me even when we were just friends.He was the first person to sent me Happy Birthday in 3 different ways all at once (email, texting, and facebook msg). I was totally surprised, given that we were just friend at that time.Anyway, I graduated and have to move away this August, so that's how our relationship ended; we didn't actually break up and still keep in touch, though i don't know what we are now. before I left, I asked him if there was ever an actual relationship between him and my sister and he said kind of. It hurts so bad to hear that and i actually had to look away so that he wouldn't see my eyes getting teary. He said he wants to tell me the details, but if my sister didn't tell me anything, it means that she didn't want me to know and it would be rude of him to share it. I didn't force him to say anything and just said OK. He could see that I was upset after hearing the confession and said he could see that I wasn't well. He seemed a bit concerned and asked if that would change anything between us, and that whatever happened between them was the past. I told him if I'd known that there was actually a relationship, may be I wouldn't have start with him. I guess i just don't like the idea that he was once hers. He said that even if there was sort of a relationship, but to him it is 2 separate matters.she is special to him, but so am I and i can't deny what's between us is special too, like the love-making, going to movies, sitting together watching tv and have lunch, taking naps and having small talks, etc. He said he thinks he no longer feels the same about her. After hearing all that, I was ready to forget everything and let it go.However,later i found out in her email that even after he started seeing me for one month, he would still address her as " my beautiful sweet A****" ( he never uses any endearment like that with me) and in the closing he wrote many kisses and hugs, plus 3 affectionate emoticons. Also, he'd record a clip for her at our graduation and i was in it too, but he only sent it to her. Instantly, I felt being betrayed. I gave my heart and my virginity to him, the least he could do was to show me some respect! how can he dated me and still lingered on with her like that? I was so sad but didn't confront him.He gave me a ring as a gift before I left and said he wanted me to have something permanent to remember him; he said it's one of his favorite collections and he got it from Italy when he was with the fleet there. I was surprised that he'd give a ring as farewell gift because to me a ring is symbolic, even if it's not like the formal proposing kind. I said i must be the most boring and dullest girlfriend he ever had, but he said No, in another life, I'm actually a perfect person to be with..... Sorry for the long essay, but i guess my question is : is it possible that he has feeling for me too at the end, if not fall in love with me?
View related questions:
facebook, jealous, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, JenL +, writes (3 September 2011):
JenL is verified as being by the original poster of the question did i indeed come across as desperate ??? i honestly didn't realize that..... but i guess subconsciously I'm still trying to defend him
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2011): Sounds like you're in denial to me. You're starting to come across as desperate.
...............................
A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (3 September 2011):
I really doubt he did anything with your sister, but i believe he loves you as a friend. I had a romantic interest in one sister while the other long for me. This went on for 2 and half years. I never took the offer of her sister like your guy did even though it was available. I felt that would have been disrespectfull to her. Never go from one family member to the next.Your guy is a piece of work, yet he may have feeling for your sister as you suggest. I think your sister see him for whom he really is " a cheat and a liar". You should let this go.
...............................
A
female
reader, JenL +, writes (3 September 2011):
JenL is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm sorry, eyeswideopen, but why the "troll" ?
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 September 2011):
 troll
...............................
A
female
reader, JenL +, writes (2 September 2011):
JenL is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answer. I guess even *IF* he was using me, I still would never report him to school or anything because everything was mutual & consent; he never force me. He is my first love & will always be special to me-- good or bad. In fact, i was the one that made the approach first. Like i said, he'd warned me at the beginning but I still chose to get into relationship with him. I don't think he & my sister had a sexual relationship; she is more like the kind with morality (whereas mine is gone already since i fall in love with a married man). I asked him if they'd kiss and he was like" do u think she'll do that?".I think my sister do like him the same way he likes her, but she'll never admit that.When i asked if they'd hang out a lot during last year winter break when I was gone? She said that they had barely met besides the 2 club events and 2 other occasions. However, my acquaintance mentioned to another friend of mine that he saw them once sitting in his car for hours in front of our apartment last winter break.Just to clarify, we didn't start dating until this April.
Somehow, i see from other tiny little details & think he does care about me & wasn't just using me. For example, one time while working in my academic department & feeling totally bored,i text & said I miss him. Immediately after a short while,he stopped by to see me even as he was busy.And when I said i wish that we could go to movies & dinner like other couples,he took the risk of being seen by people he knows & let me have it. We went out for quite a few times. It is a small town after all & i wouldn't blame him if he said he couldn't, but he didn't. I failed one of my class & had to retake it this summer, it was him that suggested me an easier teacher so i eventually passed it; he always offers to help & would text & wish me good luck on every single tests. BY the way, he was NEVER my teacher,so I don't see a conflict of interest.
About the potential STD, when i revisit my clinic for exam, they did do a test & it was negative. thanks for the suggestion though~
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2011): He used you. Don't be stupid. Move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 September 2011):
 He sounds like the kind of guy who keeps a string of girls who are ready to give him sex. You're just part of the stable, I think, along with your sister.
So what to do? Well, first, forget the fantasy that he will fall in love with you, that's simply not going to happen. Sorry.
Second, make an appointment with your gynecologist and have a thorough STD workup; this guy has slept with a lot of girls, which means he's been exposed to all kinds of unpleasant stuff. It's better that you get any potential problems found now so your future health and fertility are protected.
Third, I agree with Eyeswideopen that he needs to be reported so he doesn't get to groom the next batch of girls for his sexual conquest list.
I think you should talk with your doctor about finding a counselor for you as you seem to be stick in wishful thinking mode. Your reality is a far cry from your fantasy, I'm afraid.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 September 2011):
He was your sister's TEACHER? He was busy with both you and your sister all the while being married? Hello? Do you have a screw loose or something? You've been used, abused and deserve the t-shirt my dear. I'd do my fellow females a service and report this guy to whatever school district he works for.
...............................
A
female
reader, cinc71  +, writes (2 September 2011):
 I think you are wasting your time with him. He's married. What do you think you're going to have from him long term?I think he's taking advantage of you both. I think if you have someone great in front of you you won't even see it cause you're stuck on the married guy. Time to move on. Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2011): I don't think he could have been in love with you. Firstly he would have left his wife for you. Secondly, he wouldn't have been sending romantic messages to your sister while he was 'dating' you. Not if he loved you.
If i were you i would explain to your sister that you know they had a fling together and ask if he still contacts her. I expect he does.
...............................
|
