A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I found out my boyfriend cheated on me a few years ago Anyways we got back on track solved all the problems in our relationship, and everything was going great. We have a child our own home and I am madly in love with him.My problem is a few weeks ago I was reminded of his affair by a friend of the girl she was saying I was second best, that he chose me because her friend didn't want him.It got me thinking it must be true now I don't want to be with him sexually he keeps trying he's been great and has messed up.I really don't know what to doShould I speak to him? This has just brought back up the hurt we worked so hard to get past as a couple .
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): Ignore the friends comments as it is only intended to stir trouble. Why would she says this? What does she plan to achieve? Definately she wanted to stir trouble and hurt you, she cannot be trusted. Also his fling might have lied when she got dumped. If you are happy, this is not worth a second thought.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (31 October 2012):
 The stark truth of the matter was that she was used and discarded by your boyfriend. If what she had said was the truth, he would have left you for her.
A cheaters words are worthless. He may have said all of these sweet things to her while he was interested in having sex with her, but in the end, his actions told his true feelings. She says these things to save face, because the worst feeling in the world is knowing that you helped a man cheat on the woman he loves, only to be tossed aside like a used condom when it's all over.
I applaud you for having the strength and compassion to do the hard thing and work things out with him. You both have been earnest in rebuilding the relationship, working through hard feelings and devastation and putting together shattered trust, and I know the scars you have on your heart will never go away. Hearing from a friend that his ex-mistress said this isn't cause to dial back such achingly hard-won trust gained through the excruciating tears and emotional agony.
She was second best. Don't listen to words. Listen to actions.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 October 2012):
 Who knows?, He might have chosen you because SHE wouldn't have him, but HONESTLY (think hard now) do you think he would have STAYED with you for this long, if that was the ONLY reason he is with you? AND do you think he would have WANTED to work though the problems that arose over his cheating if he didn't rather BE with you? He could have walked away.
Besides, do you think this "friend" of hers said this to you because it's TRUE or because she wanted to HURT your feeling? I'm guess the latter.
I agree with anon male, it WAY more likely that he didn't want to GIVE you up over her. That makes sense.. since he is still WITH you.
Sounds to me like the Bitch (pardon my language) is jealous of you and your BF.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2012): Hi original poster here
Thankyou Cerberus, I too in the past have said something to make me look good like you both said I didn't want it anyway.
I never really thought about it that way I just let her trample my feelings.
I haven't spoke to him yet but he does tell me he's the happiest he's ever been and I guess I do have to look at the past years of dedication as he could have left me we didn't have any ties and commitments back then thankyou very much x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2012): More likely a scenario is that he wouldn't leave you for her so she dumped him. While it may be true she was the one who gave him the boot, it was him who wasn't willing to be with her exclusively. I'm sure she told her friends a version of this...the one that put her in the best light.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2012): You worked past this as a couple before so it's time to work through it again.
OP women can be bitches and what does hell does this girl know about what he is thinking, don't listen to her bullshit, it's water under the bridge and besides the years you've been together since says she's completely full of shit.
Of course you should talk to him, tell him what she said and let him reassure you, make sure he knows it's not a lack of trust again but just that it reopened old wounds.
It'll be easier to get past this minor episode of some idiot trying to stir shit about people she really knows nothing about.
I bet you your house and your kid that's only what the cheater tramp told her when he chose to stay with you and fix things in order to satisfy her own ego. Sounds like jealousy to me OP because the fact is he didn't choose, it's the oldest trick in the book isn't it? How many people have you known to be dumped, who used this kind of bullshit to make themselves look better I mean "well I didn't want it anyway" is very common isn't it?
That bitch was just trying to get in a sly dig because she lost and you won, and you have years of dedication and love to prove that.
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