A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for over 3 years now, on and off. He has always complained about my lying but the thing is then I did it to protect him since I knew he wouldn't like the truth.I know now it was stupid of me. Everytime he'd accuse me of lying, even if he didn't have the facts.I don't blame him because I've come to the point where I just feel guilty and actually act guilty. We love each other but he recently broke up with me because 'I lied to him again' I think he's serious this time about the break up but I want him back and I know he loves me to, he's just too hurt at the moment.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate all your answers and that most of you did not judge me, maybe there's something that happend in the past that contribute to me being like this, I don't know but I talked to my mom about this and she has organised me to see a therapist. As for my ex (it still hurts calling him that) well i've let us be only for his happiness because I love him that much to see him happy because it seems I hurt him all the time. Thank you guys again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): Your relationship is over.
For his sake, move on and learn this lesson not to lie in your next relationship. If the truth causes problems then you have to deal with those problems head on or end the relationship if they are unsolvable. Lying stabs your partner in the back and they will always find out at some point
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (1 November 2012):
"He has always complained about my lying but the thing is then I did it to protect him since I knew he wouldn't like the truth."
You think you were lying to protect him because he wouldn't like the truth. Actually, you were lying to protect yourself. If you told the truth, and he didn't like it, he would feel angry or hurt, and you were protecting yourself from having to be at the receiving end of his anger or hurt. You lied to avoid that response from him, or to avoid conflict, or to avoid witnessing his upset feelings.
Two things to think about:
If you can't have honesty, you can't have trust, and if you can't have those two things you can't have a relationship that works.
If you can't tolerate your partner's expression of anger or upset, you are always going to hide things from them that you feel you want to do or need to do, that might upset them. You also can't have a successful relationship if you can't be yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2012): I personally believe that it's naive to think that lying is always wrong. I think lying is only wrong when their is guilt or some sort of malice involved. I do agree however that if your lies are serious ones, then even if you do get back together you relationship is doomed. It appears that you've admitted to being a mild compulsive liar, and the only way you can get him back is by trusting him entirely and just coming out with whatever you keep on lying about. Most of the time the lying is the problem...not the deed itself. If you love someone you can usually cope with the things they so wrong - it's went they start lying that it causes problems.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2012): The trust is gone for him. Trust is THE most important part of a relationship. Best you can do is LEARN from this for your next relationship, and LEARN IT WELL. NEVER LIE. No matter how much you want to, or you want to protect yourself, or your partner..... tell the TRUTH. Lying doesn't change the truth, so just tell it as it is. People can deal with the truth, work through it, but people can't deal with lies or loss of trust.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (31 October 2012):
 "I did it to protect him since he wouldn't like the truth"
what kind of protection is lying.. what truth wouldn't he like?
no he's not just hurt at the moment. YOU LIED TO HIM.
YOU betrayed him and his trust. he can probably never trust you again.
as a partner that was lied to, I can tell you that once trust is betrayed you can almost never get it back and when you do, it's very fragile.
he may be serious. He's had enough of your "lying to protect him" and btw that's a crock... you lied to protect yourself.
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