Should I let go of his past and continue our relationship, or move on?

A female age 36-40, anonymous writes:

So my boyfriend and I have been together going on three years now. We've known eachother for a long time, all throughout middle school, and high school and the years after. So we know eachothers past relationships very well. When we first got together he always told me he wasn't the jealous type, where as I am very jealous. I know its not a good trait at all, but I can't help it. Well, as time goes by, ofcourse he is jealous also. I know every relationship goes through rough patches of jealousy, its natural. We were never jealous of eachothers first relationship. He never questioned or doubted my ex and I talking, and I also never questioned him and his ex. Last October he found out his ex was pregnant. When he told me I didn't know how to respond... (She lives a state next to us; so they never run into eachother.) They started texting more and more. I didn't think of much at first.. Then, I would wake up in the morning to her texts saying, "what do you think of this name?" and how her and her boyfriend are broken up because he mistreats her. It started to irritate me waking up to that. So I told him, I don't feel confortable with them talking about baby names and stuff because the way I was raised, he should do that with me.. Not his ex? It was almost as if she was trying to get him to be her babies daddy. Well, he kindof ignored my confortability so I snooped into his phone and texted her pretending to be him. I said nothing rude or out of line. Just hey my girlfriend doesn't mind we talk but she is starting to feel unconfortable with the baby talk... She never responded, nor did they talk for about 2-3 months. I felt bad, but never told him what I did. However on Newyears this year, his phone broke. And he was without it for about 2 weeks. One day I went to work, and he left his facebook signed in on my cellphone. This is the day it all went downhill. She messaged him saying, "hey long time no talk." I couldn't help but to respond.. I just repeated the text I had sent to her a few months back. And then it all came out. She kinda flipped out, saying that I (his girlfriend) was insecure, and couldn't trust him because I was unconfortable with them talking about baby names. So I got defensive back (still pretending to be him, defending me.) I said no she isn't insecure but she is my life your my past why would I want to make her unconfortable? Nothing rude just talking. And she responded.... "Wow, your the one asking me to send you belly pictures. And how you always thought you'd father my first child. And pregnancy sex is amazing. How much you wished you could be here when the baby is born." All sort of stuff like that. I was crushed. I did not respond to her until I called him. I immediatly ran outside and called him. Which he denied it all. To this day he denies it. He tells me she is a liar. Which from his past I know she has lied about some crazy things that just make you think, this girl has some serious problems. I just don't understand why she would lie if she thought she was talking to him? But then, I think about it... maybe she knew it was me, and was doing it on purpose. I want to trust and believe him and I have tried so many times to just let it go and move on. And it just comes back at the most random times. Like she had her baby two days ago. And I'm still so upset with the whole situation I want revenge. I seen her and her baby daddy are back together. I wanted to just write him on facebook and tell him everything she did and how her and her ex (my boyfriend) were "talking" the way they were. And see how he would feel about it. Ya know? I wanted to hurt her as much as she hurt me. Because she can say it was all him talking and asking for those pictures and saying those things, but it was her responding. Because she obviously didn't tell him no. My boyfriend and I probably get into an arguement about this once a month or every two months. I can forgive, but I just can't forget. Also, I checked his gmail account. And when I signed in it says frequently mailed "her email" and that was it. I told him I had proof they were atleast emailing eachother. And he says he has never once emailed her nor she emailed him. They have only texted eachother. So when I showed him that he said it must be a glitch. So I snooped some more. I emailed him from my email. And sure enough I signed back into his account and it then said frequently mailed "my email, her email" So thats proof isn't it!?! Or am I blind and crazy? Anyways, now when I try to vent to him about it he gets super frustrated and just tells me this is the last time he is ever tlaking aobut it. And I'm not gonna ever find anything out because there is nothing to find out. He even told me if I can't get over it than what am I doing with him? I love him to death and I want to forget it. I just can't... I don't know how too. And some nights it makes me sick to my stomach to think the things she said he was saying... He just recently moved half way across the country with me. He is commited to me. He loves me. He has no possible way of contacting her at all what so ever. So why can't I just forget it? Please help me.

View related questions: crush, facebook, her ex, his ex, insecure, jealous, liar, move on, my ex, revenge, text

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A female reader, bethevans  +, writes (18 May 2011):

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011):

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A female reader, bethevans  +, writes (16 May 2011):

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