A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Husband and I are both 36. Been together 13 years, married 4.5 years.November 2008 I planned to take my husband on a long weekend trip. He was having a rough time of things and I felt that he deserved a treat. The morning we were to leave, I went to my computer and found he had used it to check his webmail account that was still open. I found out that he had been seeing a woman that we both knew from work. I was devastated. I left for the weekend. I told him that if he wanted to try to work it out with me, he needed to end it with her, and tell the two people they hung out with regularly what had happened. We never truly worked on it - we just went back to our relationship. We didn't want to rock the boat and disrupt his sister's impending nuptials in April 2009.March 2009 my husband received a layoff notice that he would be officially let go from the company in June 2009. He decided he would change careers and went into the trades. He was in school for three months. I never saw him. He would come home after school and he would hang out with our friend who lived in the apartment above us. I didn't want to be demanding of him - I figured he was having a rough go of things. But I was lonely - he never interacted with me.November 2009 I couldn't stand my situation any longer and I told him that I wanted to separate. We have stayed together, though with much difficulty - he isn't really trying with me, he just hopes that things will be okay.A month ago, I was going through the phone bills from last year to see if I had any write-offs from my freelance work. I saw a familiar phone number. He has been back in contact with the woman he had been seeing from work. I am devastated. He says that nothing is going on, but he calls her early in the mornings (around 2am) and they talk for hours. He has done this when I have been visiting my parents.I don't trust him. I don't think I ever will. He has only agreed to go to counselling because he thinks that's what I want. He doesn't believe counselling will help us - he thinks we just need to spend more time together.I don't think I love him anymore, and I want to leave, but I am unsure of everything right now. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, blackdalia +, writes (14 April 2010):
We all make mistake but it takes two to make a relationship work. I think deep inside you know what to do you but you shouldn't be afraid. Life challenges are there for us to learn from them. Be strong and believe in yourself someone lost is someone else treasure... ALWAY remember that, you deserve happiness :) GOOD LUCK
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (14 April 2010):
I think it's time to end it. You gave him that chance, and he has used it and blown it. Worst of all, he won't even try to fix it. He's just ducking his head in the sand and hoping it will all go his way, as he want it. I think it's time you put yourself first, and moved on from him.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 April 2010):
 Take your time and think about things. But I think your heart and mind have already spoken. I think I would feel the same way as you, and when you listen to your heart you know what is right. It is scary to go separate ways after all this time together, but think about how unhappy you truly are being with this man. Take care of yourself and do what is right for you, and deal with everything that will happen instead of avoiding them, which it seems is what your husband has done. You gave him a second chance to clean up his act, but he has not taken good care of you.
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A
male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (13 April 2010):
 It sounds like you already know what you should do. However, if he shows any signs of wanting to stay together you can try the counseling. It will be very apparent while there whether or not he's serious or not. If not, then that makes your decision VERY easy.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): Sorry, hon, but it looks like the writing is on the wall. If you two are not close enough to talk this out like two consenting adults involved in an intimate relationship, then you do not have a marriage.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (13 April 2010):
 If you don't trust him and is ok with idea of leaving him than do it. Put yourself first and if letting him go is going to bring happiness back into your life than do set him free, and be happy. Good luck with any decision you make but I feel you will be happier with out him.
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