A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 28 y/o m and have a question concerning a past relationship. Im single, never married no kids which is ironic given thats one of the greatest gifts god could bless me with currently. My previous relationship ended 6 months ago, we were together for over 2 years and engaged which ended in june this year. To be completely honest this woman in all sense of the word was my soul mate, we dated once in highschool to which i ended when i moved across state to go to college as I didn't want to be in a long distance relationship. She was always in my mind as I moved on, and I recently found I was also always in hers. We never really let things finish, and when we reconnected several years later (I was 25) things were blissfull. She has a son now with another man to which I became attatched to. We never really fought, both of our personalities are kinda passive agressive. This kinda left me to be the one to be more assertive in a relationship which bit me in the end, as she resented it as "my way or no way" in the relationship (this was not explained to me untill after the breakup).There were several other issues in the relationship; but why i'm writing this is...I'm still in love with her. I'm willing to look past its previous faults and start over because I love her, her son, and who we all three are together. I did my best to work back for the relationship in the begining which only pushed her farther apart, when i finally gave up and gave space several weeks later we began talking again. She was very flirtacious, would say things such as she missed me, missed my family or how we usta do things. I suggested we meet then, which she agreed but stood me up 3 times before I stopped asking. She seemed very hot and cold. About a month ago my mother stated she had contacted her stating she wanted to talk to her about something (we still dont' know what)..She had mentioned she wanted to meet, but was afraid that the same things that caused us to breakup would reoccur..but we agreed to meet, and when we did things were great again. She was still flirtacious, the meeting over coffee went great and when parted I went to kiss her and she backed off and looked startled. She didn't contact me for several days to which I finally wrote her an email (as she wouldn' answer a phonecall) stating I didn't want to be inbetween anymore (loving someone whose hot and cold is very painful). She stated she only had the intentions of being friends nothing more and left it at that, during the convo she did mention she had thought for a moment we "weren't finished" but now says she believes we are. I still don't know the reasoning behind this, as she doesn't want to talk about it.Even writing this I think I"m answering my own question... However2 weeks has passed with no contact; our anniversary was yesterday so i did say I hope your doing well. She responded; still seems upset @ me for some reason, but doesn't want to be friends or anything of the sort (she did hint to maybe soon, but she thinks it won't work as "I" always want to be more than friends). Shes a very protective, quiet, strong (and headstrong) woman...I know her well enuf to know she still cares as well but feels a relationship is not the right path for us both, regardless of what either one of us wants. So what I'm asking you is given I still am in love with her (but have done my best to move on), how would you reccomend doing things in the future as to leave that doorway open if she made that choice, or is even thinking that is a lost cause?Any insight you could provide would be great, regardless of how it ultimately turns out she is an amazing woman, and I do want her in my life. I would be OK with being just friends.
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male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (11 December 2011):
 I Think this is one of the best post ive ever read on here. Its a good one because i think alot of people find themselves in this situation...where someone they love just confuses the heck out of them Well this is a tough one youve known this woman so long and grown to love her so much your soul is probably tied to hers.. but the problem is her soul is split big time and a good portion of it is tied to someone else probably her sons father. I think whats happening is she knows your the safe bet you'll always be there to pick up the sloppy seconds but secretly shes holding out for someone else that she loves.Im sure she cares about you deeply so its hard for her to hurt you so she convinces her self your the bad guy and says things like you where controlling and she basically forces her self to hate you,when your soul is tied to someone you can only love or hate them i believe either a powerful love or a powerful hate. the soul cant love more then one person that intensly. Theres alot of information on soul ties online i suggest you try to break yours. atleast attempt it and see what happens then take it from there. When i began reading about soul ties I finally understood the spiritual meaning behind marriage, when two people get married there supposed to become one spiritually there's souls should come together. and that one soul should love God. But If your not married and running around forming soul ties with a bunch of different people you can see how quickly things will get messed up. This woman has a child buy another man so he will never be far from her mind im sure she loves him still, probably the same way you love her. I doubt you could be just freinds with her happily because your soul is like a magnet reaching out for hers an you would never be able to touch. M advice as crazy as i may seem is try and break the tie if you still feel the same way be bold if you love her that much what are you waiting for ask her to marry you... and you cant do it over facebook just show up at her door. it will be alot harder for her to reject you to your face. With that Gods speed youll need it.
A
female
reader, jmr1993 +, writes (11 December 2011):
 I wouldn't close the door completely but also I wouldn't leave that the only option. You don't know what the future holds for you. If she does come back and you still have strong feelings for her and want to work it out, then great. But also, try not to completely turn your back on other opportunities. You don't know who may be out there and who could come into your life. Consuming yourself with one person could cause you to overlook someone else.
I know it's not a direct answer or anything, and my being just shy of 19 may make this seem a little bit vague, but I strongly believe that time is all it takes. Whether it be with her or someone else. You just have to keep your eyes open to all the options. Don't close any doors unless it is absolutely necessary.
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