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female
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anonymous
writes: ive been dating my boyfriend for 4 months now. he's a great guy, he's met my parents, ive met his parents. we have a good sex life, we laugh and have a good time with each other but there is one problem. he told me that there are some things that make him unconfortable and he cant pinpoint what is making him unconfortable. he says that he cares about me and he wants to work out whatever is making him unconfortable. should i stay with him and wait to see if he feels confortable or should i leave him before he brakes my heart?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2005): I had the same issues with my bf when we'd been dating abt 4 mos - he felt really insecure about my making better grades than him in school. It's stupid, yes, but he's very prideful, and he was upset about his own grades to begin with, and to feel like he was getting "beaten" made it worse. At the time I was annoyed, partly bc I didn't really understand what he was going through. He convinced me he was going to work on getting over the hang-ups, though, and I stuck around.
It's been about 7 months since then, and if anything, his hang-ups have gotten worse. (Now, not only have I made better grades, I got a job somewhere he really wanted to work, but they turned him down.) It's completely changed his personality and turned him into this jekkel & hyde, where some days he'll be sweet as sugar, and the next day he'll feel so bad about himself that he can't handle even being around me. The back and forth is killer, especially when the bad part comes at inopportune times (ie, your parents are in town, you're taking exams, it's your birthday, etc.)
I've decided I'm going to break up with him once he finishes his exams, because the drama just isn't worth it anymore. He's tried to get over it, but he just can't, and it's tearing him apart. Yes, it's weak and shallow and part of me is really angry with him for throwing away something so good because of something so ridiculous. But sometimes people can't change how they feel, no matter how badly they want to.
Since I knew about the hang-ups all along, I could have broken up with him in May, when we first talked about them seriously. But I wanted to give him a chance to get over them, because this guy is amazing. I've never been so head over heels for anyone. It sucks that things had to end up this way, but I'm glad I gave it a shot. If I'd ditched him in May, it probably would have hurt a little less (maybe a lot less), but I would have missed some good times, and more importantly, I would never have known what might have been. And that would have eaten away at me for the rest of my life, bc this guy is really something special.
If your feelings for your bf are strong, suck it up and tough it out. The indecision will probably be very hard on you emotionally, even if he does get over things eventually, so find a good friend who can support you when you're feeling rotten. And commit to yourself that you'll be supportive as long as you're in the relationship. When you don't have it in you to be supportive and understanding anymore, that's when it's time to call it quits.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2005): You know what i know it sounds a bit harsh but either way you could lose out here. If you stay with him and then find out that he cant sort out his "uncomfortable" problems and he finishes with you then you have left yourself open and available to get hurt, but if you leave him now then you'll never know if he could of gotten over his odd feelings and gone on to be great for you. So my suggestion is for you to figure out in your head if hes worth you waiting on and putting your trust in. To be fair anyone that gets into any relationship could possibly in the long run get hurt but thats the chance you take for love. Personally id stay, if even more cracks start to show then im sure your heart will let you know that the relationship is looking doomed and your leave then, but if you dont give it that chance then you'll never know. Good luck with it x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2005): Talk NOW and figure out why he is uncomfortable, then decide whether or not you can deal with the issue together. I had similar feelings at the beginning of my relationship, and now we are 2 years into it, and living together, and I don't know what to do. Trust your gut, if it feels wrong, even if you don't know what it is, then it is wrong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2005): I think that would be kind of selfish, to just leave without even trying. If you ever want to get some where in life and be happy you need to put in effort, love doesn't come easy. So I would say stay with him, as long as you are still feeling happy.And don't fear a break up, sure it might happen, but you owe it to him (and in fact to yourself) to work on the things that might not be right.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2005): well it would be really mean to just leave him there.
plus, you'll never know exactly what it was that made him uncomfortable.
stay with him and let him know that you're there for him.
maybe if he knows that you'll always be there, then maybe he'll be more comfortable with that in telling you whats the matter with him.
just wait and see what happens.
if you really loved him, you wouldnt want to leave him and you would try to work things out.
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A
female
reader, Phyrekiss +, writes (14 December 2005):
 It sounds to me like he is leading you on to something bigger. Try and find out what it is that is actually making him uncomfortable. If he cant come up with any answers, yet still insists that he is uncomfortable, there is definatly something wrong.
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