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*ereika
writes: I hang out with the men of my community. I do not keep female friends and all the men in my community are aware that I do not like Public Display of Affection, that I do not want/need a relationship, and I do not like romance. If I like a man to an extent, and if I choose to have sex with him, I will, with no strings attached.I am not usually a jealous person, but I started to have sex with one of the guys in the group, and I started to get a feeling that I never had before. Like always being around him, always having sex with him, and getting jealous when the chicken heads in the community always all over him and making a scene as if he is some celebrity or something. When they do so, he always glancing at me and trying his best to pull away from them then I get jealous - I never get jealous. And if I am having sex with a man, I usually want to see you for only once a week, but with him, by the end of every night, we always end up together-alone and having sex. I also realise that he too gets jealous and feels uneasy whenever the other guys from the group flirts with me or plays with me in a sexual manner.What can I do? I don't want to get soft with him and get hurt! Is he having the same feelings as I am?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2005): You opened yourself emotionally to being just a pickup with this group of male friends. No strings sex is just that-no commitment, no respect. This guy wanted sex. You give it to him. Most men are nice with the women they want to use sexually; it gets them farther. He may not want to continue a committed relationship. Ask him. Being somebody's 'plaything' is not a good foundation to develop a relationship that has depth-like a committment. But this could be different...so try talking to him. See what he says.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2005): If you never 'get soft' and 'take a chance at getting hurt' then you'll never have anyone you're really close to. There's just as good a chance that you'll be miserable later, for never having loved and been loved, as miserable sooner, for 'letting' someone break your heart. It happens to the best of us, and we're generally better off from the fall, in the long run. Give it a chance. Try talking to him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2005): You are running smack into the biggest problem of intimacy without commitment. It sounds like you accidentally opened your heart to someone, that you have built a 'no strings sexual' history with and now your feelings for him are changing. Dear, I think you are realizing that meeting your 'short term' needs are coming at a greater cost than you originally intended. However, I don’t think what you are experiencing is love. But you are experiencing strong feelings which could turn into love. Is that what you want? Real love takes a long time to grow and is kind, caring, and protective; it involves being cherished. Remember, these things are not in the relationship you had with this man, up to this point. So what can you do? Well, you can keep guarding your emotions; you can retain your inability to trust and commit to one person or...you can sit him down and tell him, exactly how you are feeling. And yes, you do risk getting hurt.
This is why I do not believe in nor do I encourage emotional or physical intimacy without a commitment, of some type. Committment is Love. Please take the risk and chat to him because..it sounds like you want to be loved and cared for more than you realize. And who knows..it sure seems like he is feeling the same way. Good luck, dear and I wish you much happiness.
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