A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:During my freshman year of college, a student from Japan studied abroad at my school. We both like one another, but didn't develop a relationship until the end of the semester when he had to leave. Over the summer, we kept in touch by video chat and had a decent relationship. However, as soon as his junior year started, he became very busy and we hardly kept in touch. I can tell he still cared for me, but was very busy with school and internships as he goes to a prestigious university. We basically had a very low maintenance long distance relationship during my sophomore year. That summer, I had the opportunity to visit him in Japan for a week. The beginning of our trip was quite romantic, but it seemed to fade for him toward the end. I couldn't understand why. All I knew was that he was very busy with summer school and internships, and was very tired. I try to look on the positive side, that he took me around Tokyo despite his busy schedule and lack of sleep. But when I left, I felt empty that he wasn't as sweet as I remembered. I think it's the lack of communication over our LDR, and the fact that we didn't have a solid relationship to begin with. After I left, we communicated for a couple of days and it faded into exchanging messages only once a week again. It was disappointing, because we'd just met, and it should have sparked something, but everything remained the same. Our relationship eventually faded off when I blew up at him for being such a bad communicator (it's always been a problem). This fall, I'm studying abroad in Japan (I've always wanted to, so nothing to do with him). Of course, we met up a few times, and surprisingly, had no feelings. But I recently had dinner with his family whom I stayed with last year, and the feelings began to return. Right now I feel unsatisfied that our relationship didn't have a solid cut-off or "answer", or wasn't solid to begin with. I wish there was more. Although he didn't treat me the best, I've always liked him. Other guys come and go but I've always had feelings for him. For some reason I always feel excited when he messages me. The worst part is, I have a loving boyfriend who treats me better than I deserve. But for some reason I'd rather be with my ex. MY ex and I have the same interests such as adventure and travel, and my current bf likes living a quiet life and playing video games which I can't stand. My ex and bf are both equally handsome, if anything my bf is better looking, but I've always been very attracted to my ex's. I think it's just my style. My ex is currently working for a major company and is successful and driven. I've always admired that in him and others. My current bf is graduating school late because he changed majors and overall isn't as talented or creative as my ex. My ex has a loving supportive family who loves me, while my bf doesn't have a great relationship with his parents. As bad as it sounds, I wish there were more to me so that my ex would keep me. I think the major reason is that I'm four years younger. I feel that if I were older, we would have made plans to be with one another. But I'm returning home soon to complete college which will take about another 2 years. I'm sure he would have moved on with his life completely and found someone closer to him. I like my ex a lot, but he never treated me the best. His ex gfs have said the same thing, and from my experience, he's sadly just dumb when it comes to girls. People have told me they know he cared for me - He's just bad at expressing it, he's shy, and he does it through actions not words. I'm not sure what my question is. Maybe my question is, should I leave my current bf to find someone more suitable for me? Although he is an amazing man, he doesn't have the traits that I've always admired in general and that I still admire in my ex. My ex may have ruined me. Or maybe my question is, what should I do about my ex? Our friendship is great right now, so should I forget about our relationship and move on? I like him but maybe we're not meant to be. It breaks my heart that we live on opposite sides of the world. I don't think I have to guts to ask him how he really feels about me. If he said he doesn't like me anymore, I will let him go, but it might ruin our friendship and it might leave me feeling worse when I'm actually happy with our good friendship. But if he says he likes me, but we're just too far apart, then maybe I will go home feeling happy inside, and dream about our future. It may or may not happen but at least I have an "answer." Or... Should I just leave it be, live my life, and see what happens? Maybe I won't even like him in a year. Sorry for the long message, I think too much.
View related questions:
ex girlfriend, his ex, long distance, move on, my ex, shy, spark, university, video games Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2011): I live in Japan.
It's likely you and this ex want very different things and different lives. Would you be prepared to live a whole life in Japan? Could you navigate Japanese culture just as well as a Japanese woman and handle all the family-domestic things that they normally do?
Now, I don't know this guy and what he expects. But I have many friends who were international students and are back in Japan now. 95% of them, despite having studied abroad, want the same typical romantic relationship that a typical Japanese male wants.
Too much time has passed for you two. Live your life and decide what you want to do. If you end up crossing paths and the timing is good, why not try to pursue a relationship? But if not, stay realistic and don't try to force things. Also, stop focusing on him and you might meet new guys who also excite you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2011): well, youre with someone, you should continue giving him the relationship he's giving you, and defiantly not considering dumping him for an ex. in my opinion, this is emotionally cheating.
if youre not all that serious about your current bf, which is how it sounds, then you should have left him awhile ago instead of thinking about doing it now that your bigger and better ex has come along.
this is a great example of how a person can have a connection with multiple guys, but cant be with all of them. go with the one who meets your relationship needs, and not the one who meets your wants list.
are you wanting a guy who treats you with alot of attention and affection, or a guy with a future career..? tough choice.
i think its normal for old sparks to fly when you run into someone you never lost feelings for, but part of having a loving relationship is being able to put aside the feelings you have for other guys and focus on the one that you are with.
this is just my opinion though, you should go with which ever guy you want more, of course.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2011): Additional information from original author - My current bf is a wonderful person. I'm sure there's a lot more to him than I know, but I haven't taken the time or had the patience to find out because I'm always comparing him to my ex. It's unfair to him and I'm just unwilling to accept what he has to offer to our relationship even though he's been putting a lot of effort. \
...............................
|
