A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:The reason I'm confused is that my present boyfriend is a bit close minded and strict sometimes because he doesnt like to give me my space. he would like to spend all the time with me doing things his way. I'm the type of girl that likes to go out and have fun with my friends. But ever since I've been with him, I might have done this only a few times and I've been with him for nearly 2 years. He doesnt like when I go out for a drink or for a snack with my friends, let alone me going to some club. He thinks I like to show off and since we live in a small Island I always get to se my ex-boyfriend whom is crazy about me and has been trying to hook up with me ever since we split up i.e nearly 2 years ago. I feel that my boyfriend, never admitts he's wrong and doesn't trust me or pushes me to do new things. I feel he wants to keep me for himself. He accuses me of preferring my friends over him but I never left him to go out with my friends. The only time it happens, is when he is at work because he works on shifts with the army. I work in a call center and have loads of stress and I work till 8pm so especially in summer, the only thing I look for when I finish from work is to go out and relax even jst for a drink. But he doesn't agree. He would want me to go home after work and dont go out when he's not there. I expalined to him that when I go out, I always tell him where I am or whom I'm with and I never go to places he dont like or to clubs, though I would want to becasue I'm only 20 years old and this should be the time for me to have fun. But I'm not having any becasue I dont have any friends that can hang out with us as a couple cus he doesnt like any of my friends and I realy get bored when we go to the club and its only me and hin so I prefer to stay at home. He is romantic and cuddly and says he loves me often and discuss our future together but at the same time he is short tempered and start swearing and stuff when he's angry and I tend to be abit afraid when he's really pissed off. All this makes me sad because I fear that there is no future for us, and that I'm only with him because I hate staying by myself and cus I fear that I see him with someone else i.e some other girl. On the other hand, my ex is very similar to me. We enjoyed eachother's company and always hung up in a group. and he's been doing so many things and sending me cards so we can hook up again. I feel my self with him and feel like I can do what I want becasue i was free. there is no tension between us on a character level. I had hooked up with him when i was 14 and broke up at 18 so he made huge part of my life. I broke up with him cuz he was immature and preferred his friends on me most of the times so we would argue alot but today he's 22 and he is still begging me to go back and that he cant be we with no one else cuz he didnt know what he had until he lost me. I always feel young with my ex but wth my present bf I feel bored. I told my bf many times so we can do soemthing about our situation, but he never changes and instead accuses me. I fear that if we'll be staying together, I will be a prisioner in the house and wont be able to build a career because he is so jealous. And also when we have fight he just gets mad and leave and if i dont go running after him, he goes out with his friends and gets drunk. I dont want to be living with him and end up not knowing where he is each time he leaves or cant be myself and have my space.I just want an advice based on what i said, which way should i go i.e if i should leave my bf who bdw is 20 years old, and try again with my ex.. I dont plan to get married now but I just want to be in a relation that has most probabilities to last.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (17 February 2009):
 Hi, I hate to be the one to tell you, but you are dating an abuser-in-the-making. This is the kind of behavior that can escalate into wife-beating. An aunt posted a link to this article once and I think you should read it VERY carefully:
http://www.mental-health-matters.com/articles/article.php?artID=157
It's called "Warnings that you are dating a loser."
From what you've written, you definitely should consider ending this relationship, to my mind you're heading for trouble with him, because he is NOT going to suddenly stop wanting to control you. If he scares you when he's angry, that to me as a huge red flag.
My further suggestion is to not jump into dating someone else right away. You need some time to figure yourself out, why you wound up with this current boyfriend. Running back to the ex without understanding this may result in your making another mistake. Certainly, you can live without a boyfriend for a while? Just be with your friends and learn more about yourself and what kind of man is truly a good match for you.
Take care.
A
female
reader, a_seidner06 +, writes (17 February 2009):
 I already knew what to say when i read the tyle of your question.Firstly, If your current bf is clingy as i call it and dont let you have space, Dunp him. No one needs a significant other like that.Secondly, I think the ex bf is much better, as you say he is more like you. And he does give you your space, also you both wouldnt have to worry about the other cuz you guys would trust eachother. Especially If this guy hasnt moved on by now, you should know he will do anything and everything to keep you if you give him another chance.Good luck!
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