A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello:)I'm having trouble with relationships.I was going out with this guy a few years ago, lets call him 'Mat' then I started hanging round with a new friendship group and pretty much fell in love with someone in the group. I didn't do anything about it, until he told me he loved me so I ended things with my boyfriend and got with this guy. We never started a relationship because I wanted to take things really slow because I had just come out of one.Now, we dated fora few months, and then I felt like we were just friends. Sex didn't really right, and even kissing. I didn't feel what you normally feel around someone you like.Then I met someone in college. we'll call his person 'alex'. Now I have been with alex for a year, and he is the most amazing person I have ever met in my whole life!We click, we're exactly the same. He really understands me, and it is honestly like nothing I have ever felt before.Anyway...Mat moved to Canada for 4 months and told me how much he still loved me, and I started feeling a bit funny again. I hated myself because I shouldn't have been feeling like that when I have a boyfriend! But obviously nothing happened and he went to Canada.Then he came back and asked me out, and I thought how perfect it would be, since we're in the same friendship group and we're all going on holiday next year, and I really felt the spark that we used to have for a bit.But, of course feelings still lay with Alex.I feel terrible for putting Alex through this, ending him with no real reason and ruining how amazing we were, should I be ending this year relationship for someone who hasn't worked in the past:sor should i give it a go? if after all this time we still have something?help!!!!!xxxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2012): I noticed you said 'how amazing we were...'when referring to Alex... (note not are??)
Also is 'Alex' aware you are still contacing 'Mat?'
Tbh I think you should not be with either of them for the time being. Just because someone is a great catch, you can't help what your heart says...
I think maybe you are just reminiscing with the ex (the grass is greener etc) or looking at things through rose tinted glasses maybe? But only a break from both of them will give you a clearer point of view (of course this may also run the risk of being without any of them in the future, so its a big decision)
Try remembering why you dumped 'Mat' in the first place if he was so great??? Maybe write out a list of things you liked about him, things you didn't.
Lastly, an ex is normally an ex for a reason...
A
female
reader, Deagan  +, writes (14 February 2012):
 Are you seriously going to throw out your relationship with Alex, one as you describe being an amazing person over some spark you feel with your ex?
You said it yourself that it didn't work out because it felt like you two were just friends and it didnt' feel right.
Whereas you mention Alex is completely different, and that Alex really understands you.
You need to realize that in life, while you're in a relationship, there will be multiple guys that will come out of nowhere and tempt you. Are you going to dump your boyfriend each time you feel the temptation and one second spark with them?
Be sensible. This will pass. Focus on your relationship with Alex. You don't know what you've got until it's gone.
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A
female
reader, AbigailBradbury +, writes (14 February 2012):
 No. Do not end it. You answered the question for yourself. This other guy is an EX hun. There's a reason he's an ex. If things are going well with the new guy, don't end it for something that "might be good". Think about if you got back with your ex, would it last? You're chasing after something because it used to be good. Don;t throw away a really good relationship for something that might/might not work out. See how things go with the new guy. In the future if things don't work out with him, then maybe you could see if you still had feelings for the ex. but give in a few months or years and i bet the ex will have no feelings whatsoever for you. xx
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (14 February 2012):
 You sound very confused, but my guess is that... if you were with Matt before and it didnt work out as well as it does with Alex, then the "spark" will just fizzle out again with Matt.
If your having doubts about Alex, then it suggests somethings not working in your relationship because if you truly loved Alex you would not be tempted by Matt.
The choice is yours. Maybe its neither of them.
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