A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a really bad phobia of medical procedures, needles and childbirth. I’m receiving counselling and it is getting better, very slowly, but my boyfriend is desperate to start a family and I am absolutely terrified at the idea. He keeps pressuring me to organise our wedding, but I keep putting it off because I’m worried I will never be able to go through with actually having a baby and, if I don’t, he will probably leave me. I’m trying so hard to get over my phobia but I don’t know if I ever will. What should I do? Should I organise our wedding and hope my phobia gets better before it’s too late, or break up with him and let him find somebody who can give him what he wants? I feel so stressed out by the pressure he’s putting me under, but I love him and I don’t want to leave him.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (4 August 2018):
 So what will happen if, for some reason, you cannot have children? After all, there are many couples out there who have various fertility problems. Will he leave you for that as well?
My main concern would not be your phobia, which you are working on overcoming, but on your boyfriend's attitude. You may love him but I question what conditions he loves you under - you MUST get married, you MUST have a child/children. What other conditions does he set you? Love should be unconditional. I question whether your boyfriend's love towards you truly is and what conditions he will set you going forward.
Well done for trying to get to grips with your phobia (which is understandable, given what can happen as a result of the things you fear). Now you need to get to grips with your relationship. You and your partner should support each other, not stress each other out. Please think of the long term. If you are doing so much to try to keep your boyfriend, what are you going to have to do in the future? And what does he do for you, except try to mould you into what HE wants?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2018): Sounds like you should definitely have a long serious talk with your fiancée. If you do not want to have a child of your own, are you both ok with adoption, or fostering children? What about a surrogate if he is intent on wanting a kid that shares his DNA? All these could be options for you if you really want to be together.If you and he cannot find a solution on family that suits you both then you should cancel the wedding and go your separate ways. You should not have to bear a child if you do not want to, and he should be able to have the option of a family with someone if that is important to him. There is no reason you cannot both have what you want, though you may not be able to have it together. There is nothing wrong with either of you or your wants, they just don't sync up. It may be a bit sad, and scary, and might be hard in the short term, but you really should follow your dreams and find a spouse who shares them. Don't start a marriage that is doomed to fail, or that you will be unhappy with for the rest of your life together. Best of luck, R
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