A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some help dealing with my mum. I moved back home a couple of years ago and she makes me contribute financially and she complains when I make noise and wake her up but I am nearly 30 so I need to be able to come and go as I please and I don't see why I should have to pay money. My mum has an illness (MS) but it doesn't seem to affect her that much so I don't see why she shouldn't do all the cleaning because she is at home in-between jobs at the moment and I work 4 days a week at a local shop - my mum says I walk to work and we don't really do anything at work on a Tuesday (Tuesday is a quiet day so we mostly chat at work) and I only have to be there at 10am so I should do a share of some of the chores. She looks after my dog and walks him but I think she should do that??!! Also I happen to know that my granddad sometimes helps her with money a bit so I don't see why I have to pay. She says the gas and electricity is expensive and she has to pay water rates and house insurance plus she pays for the wireless which I use (but she would have to pay for that anyway even if I wasn't here). From her side, she says that she brought me and my sister up well and that I got a good English degree from university and that she took us horse riding and to the theatre and bought us new laptops etc blah blah. She brought us up on her own and everybody else says she did it properly and was a good mum.My teachers and my mum have in the past criticised me for keeping bad company and a meeting was called at school about my 'attitude problem' and then I went out with two guys who everyone thought were 'bad news' because they were unemployed and thought I should not bother with my degree but just do a local easy job so I think my mum is bitter about that.My sister loves my mum and they're very close which is annoying because I think my sister should be in my corner. I am really annoyed and lately she has been depressed but I think it is not my fault and I am not having her put that on me. How can I deal with this woman because I think she needs to be told??She says I am 28 and have a degree so I should be looking for a full time job with prospects. Also I had two pregnancy terminations and I think she was not sympathetic enough for me about that and she is annoyed with me about that cos she gave me £150 for expenses but I gave most of the money to my boyfriend (now ex, who everyone says is a loser) for petrol and she was ill that day but she says she was here for me and made me food and looked after me when I got home and bought me magazines and water and chocolate and paid for a lady minicab home etc etc blah blah. I told her last weekend that she is lazy, selfish, weak and cowardly and manipulative and now she wants me to leave in one month and live somewhere else and she is barely talking to me. My sister said she is genuinely depressed because she finds living with me stressful cos I wake her up at night crashing about when I come in. She keeps asking me to be quiet and not waker her up but I can't help it cos i'm clumsy and heavy footed and I drop things. Also, I have my own way of doing things and own routines so she needs to fit in around me too. Why should I leave my home because of her? Can anyone help me with this please.
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at work, depressed, money, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (22 February 2016):
 Cindy, Honeypie, Cows.... this can't POSSIBLY be a "legit" submittal......
There is NO young woman (26-29) who could be so immune to human understanding about her Mother....
Let's just let this one "pass".... no more comments.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 February 2016):
 If this is a REAL post (still highly doubt it but whatever)
OP you need to move out. And grow up.
You are WAY over 18. You mom has NO financial responsibility towards you, to feed you, house you and definitely NOT clean up after you.
Get out of her house, take care of yourself.
People with MS can have good days and bad ones, living with someone with absolute no compassion or care is not good for you mom.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 February 2016):
 Yeas, I am 99,5% convinced too that this is a big fat troll.
There 's always a 0.5% of doubt, because some posters at times do come up with strange , yet true, stories and bizarre, yet sincere , questions.
So ,in the very off chance that this is not a troll, I'll give a very simple, basic answer, without even hinting at the psychological roots ( and , quite possibly, mental health issues ) at the basis of such a behaviour as described by this OP, because it would be a long story.
I'll keep it short and practical.
OP, you should leave " your " home , or your mother's home, because you have been kicked out of there . They are sick and tired of having you there and they made that clear by giving you 30 days to leave. I do not think you'll be given better alternatives, because your behaviour and attitude are so provocative to push even the fondest parent, even a sick parent with MS as for that, to have her ban enforced with the help of the police ( or, more informally, of some burly male friend ). Spare yourself the humiliation of a public scene , and leave the premises without having to be dragged out.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (21 February 2016):
Yeah honeypie, I was on the same page. Finally decided to reply after I saw the question was still up and nobody had answered.
Figured I'd make the first leap of faith lol.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2016): Yep this is real I am the op I told my mum I was going to write on here and she did say nobody would think it is real. Regarding the MS her MS is mild and I think she could do more. Also she has money to go for coffee with her friend so she's not that broke. In addition my ex bf calked me a 'bi**h' for shouting at my mum and throwing my clothes down the stairs. She likes one day a week on Sunday to not have the washing machine going and clothes drying as she is jobseeking and volunteering all week but I prefer to do my stuff on Sunday. I feel like she is unmotherly she is my mum and is supposed to help me.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 February 2016):
WhenCowsAttack I didn't reply at first either because this MUST be a troll. What 28 year old acts like a 5 year old like this?
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (21 February 2016):
I can't imagine your letter is a real one. The things that you are saying sound so entitled and outlandish that it seems like a fake letter.
On the offhand chance you're not having one over on us, stop it. You are behaving like a spoiled teenager. You are being a terrible burden on your mother. MS is no joke. It is a debilitating and eventually fatal disease. If you are not going to help your mother around the house, with the bills, or heaven forbid walk your own dog, then keep your mouth shut and move out of your poor mother's house immediately.
You have to stomp around and drop things every time you come home? Smh, not buying it.
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