A
female
age
51-59,
*eelings
writes:I'm not really sure where I should start so, I going to start at the beginning but try to make it as short as possible. I have been with my husband for 22 years. But, we have only been married for 8 of those years. The last 5 years have been the unhappiest year of my life. The marriage was the second for both of us. Although, he was still leagally married at first. It got to the point that I told him that he either divorces her or I was leaving because we had lived together for 8 years and nothing was changed. Well, they divorced but I ended up paying for it. My husband and I both had kids coming into the relationship. He had two daughers that did not live with us and I had one daugher which did live with us. However, 3 years into the relationship we had a son together even though he was still legally married. Through the years he was always the kind of guy that would go to work then go hang out with his friends. There was never any family time or us time. He would come home drunk every night and go to bed then get up in the morning and go to work. At one point in our relationship, before we were married, I told him that I wanted to get married, buy a house, and maybe someday have another baby. And, he told me that if that is what I want that I best be moving on. I was going to leave him at that point. I ended up sleeping with another man and he found out. It was at that time that he wanted me and wanted to marry me. But, he did stop hanging with the friends all the time. Which don't get me wrong, I always liked his friends and ever minded him hanging out with them to a point. I believe there should be time for both. He shouldn't put his family on the back burner. Anyway, after were married but,nothing changed except that piece of paper. Our sex life was awful. Then, 5 years ago he had to have a total knee replacement. Well, the doctors messed up and my husband is disabled. We have gone through fighting for the SS disability funds and everything. He was finally approved for the funds last November. Then, this passed March he had the knee replaced even though the other one was still not right. I don't know if people realize it or not but, it's really tough to go through something like this.I mean for the partner and everyone in the hours. I was not for him getting the second knee done because I knew how tough it was with the first one. Especially, since I work 10 hours day 6 days a week , went to college, and would have to go home and deal everything and take care of him. He does nothing to try to make me happy and he actually does things that he know will upset me then say that he did it to make me happy. He does nothing with me and our son. Complains all the time about everything to/about me and our son. It's even gotten to the point to where I come home from work and do the chores and dinner, and go to my bedroom to watch TV. There is no communication in. And, oh our sex life? Well, there hasn't been one for years. He hasn't even toucshouhed me. And, he doesn't even sleep in the same bed with me anymore. He will sleep in his chair in the livingroom every night. I told him a couple of months agao that I'm not happy and that we need to work on it. I also told him that I feel unwanted, unloved, and unappicated. And, he doesn't understand why I feel this way. Everytime I think about leaving him, I start to think about him being disabled and start to feel sorry for him. I am also scared to be on my own. Which I guess is part of why I am having a hard time with this. But, I don't want to live the rest of my life like this. I don't know what I'm suppose to do anymore. I'd really like a little advice. Should I leave him or should I continue to live my life like this?
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disabled, divorce, drunk, sex life, unloved Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, feelings +, writes (3 April 2009):
feelings is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have already suggested counseling to him but, he doesn't want to do it. And, yes he does recieve his disability.
A
female
reader, In-Agony  +, writes (3 April 2009):
I think it's entirely up to you. If you are unhappy then there’s no point of continuing a relationship- Which just isn't working out. Follow your heart.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): I certainly dont think you should continue your life like this! It doesnt sound like any kind of life at all. I would suggest counseling for the both of you, together and seperately. If he isnt willing to take these steps to improve things though, you cant stay in a life where you are feeling like this. You are worth more than he is giving you. If it comes to the point where you have to leave him, just make sure he is set up and go. You said he gets his disability now right? So he can pay his bills. And as far as you being alone, sweetie it sounds like you have already been alone for some time. At least this way you can move on and in time maybe meet someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
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