A
female
age
36-40,
*ornelia
writes:firstly,i am a 24 year old lady who has a daughter to my boyfriend for 8 years. We are living together on his parents' house.he has no job and i am a homebase computer worker. My pregnancy when i was 19 wasnt planned though we're already 4 years in our relationship. We had our jealosy problems on and off. What he does everyday is play computer games and hang out with his friends on gamestations (he's like this when i met him and n0thing changed).basically,he is a 27 year old guy,no job, go out at 8pm to hang out with friends,comes home between 3am to 9am. The first talk about marriage was when he got me pregnant and i backed off (i dont want him to marry me just because i'm pregnant and his way of asking was n0t in a good way). But n0w,every time i try to open the marriage topic,he just answers me like,"now is not the right time to talk about it." it is the same resp0nse every time i ask him that. I'm already c0nfused on what to do. My gut feeling is telling me that i sh0uld leave him,but my heart says that i sh0uld stay for our daughter. In additi0n, he left his facebook acc0unt open and i was tempted to read the mesage n0tificati0n. It was fr0m a girl i never met. They had c0nversati0ns everyday. He had a previ0us history of texting his girl friends too. By the way, i do the same for my boy friends just f0r imp0rtant reas0ns,n0 minglings. I'm also asking myself why he can't resist it because i c0nfr0nted him ab0ut it a lot of times. Please help me on this. Sh0uld me and my daughter stay or sh0uld we leave him?
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female
reader, cornelia +, writes (24 January 2013):
cornelia is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEveryone, thank you for all your sayings! Dearcupid.org has helped me emotionally. I am so glad that there are people over the internet who take time to reply to a troubled woman. I guess, what I have to do for now is focus on my work, my studies, and my daughter. To the male reader who replied, yes, I am very much blessed that I have good in-laws. they are here to support us. They somehow takes over their son's responsibilities. I do love them as if they are my own parents and they feel the same for me. Thank you to all.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2013): Never stay together for the kids sake. They pick up on it. It looks to me like you and his parents are supporting him and he needs to grow up and take responsibility for his family. He has a child to support. How can he do this with no job and out all night? What is this teaching your daughter? Personally I'd have my bags packed already. You're already on your own save the in-laws you'll be fine (if not better) on your own. But only you can make this decision. Ask yourself are you happy? If the answer is anything but yes then I, personally, would leave.
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A
female
reader, cornelia +, writes (23 January 2013):
cornelia is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe don't have contact on our exs anymore. What I mean is he and I have a set of opposite sexes on both sides, but I have read the way he chats with other women, and I feel like it is fowl. He is asking these women's numbers. Recently, I found out that he is having a spontaneous chat with a 21 year old. He is still a daddy to our little girl whenever he's home but I feel like he is emotionally and financially absent for us. He has plans of looking a job, but he doesn’t do anything. He asks small amounts of money from me almost every day just so he could hang outside the house. Lately, I find it hard to make love with him. He asks me to, but I usually feel unexcited (I guess, I’m just depressed). I have tried to talk with him about matters like for example, our daughter is going to be on school this year, but he always responds with, “can we not talk about it? I am getting depressed." I’m getting annoyed and just say, “okay". I already left him twice, packed all our things head to my parents’ house. He ended up texting and asking that we should talk about it, or maybe fix this. The third I leave would be for good, but I am still hoping. I told myself when I finished my 2year course, and then I can leave. He still has 2 years to make improvements.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2013): "Should me and my daughter stay or should we leave him?"Whether or not YOU continue to shack up with your loser boyfriend, you do not have the authority to make that decision for your daughter. He is her father, you are stuck with him for life in that capacity, and as such you do not have the right to block access; you can't force him to be a part of her life but you can keep him from her barring criminal behavior, substance abuse or mental incapacity. Your daughter didn't pick her father, YOU did. In any event, neither one of you are remotely ready to even consider marriage (or, sadly, be responsible parents) as both you and boyfriend have a lot of growing up to do so your daughter is very fortunate to be living with two stable mature adults (her grandparents). Should you decide to leave, your daughter would probably be better off staying with her grandparents, the only stable family she knows.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (22 January 2013):
 HI
he sounds like his very childish still and has a lot of growing up to do, also your BOTH still in contact with ex's regardless of the reasons this should not be an important part of your life right now. Your child is what is Important which you clearly ARE more concerned about. I would be hasty and end it, but I would sit him down and have a serious conversation about were you both see yourself 5 yrs from now. Do you still love eachother? are you still enjoying a healthy sex life together? had he any plans of finding work? or any plans on finding your own place to live? there is so much to talk about before ending it for good. If after you have both explored every avenue and still come to a dead end, then and only then would I concider moving on with my life. Just make sure he plays an active role in your childs life, because she will still need her daddy.
Good luck
Mandy xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2013): Leave him this guy has no future he is a leach and you will be taking care of him for the rest of your life if you don't leave him. Staying with him will not help your children it will hurt them they need to see a healthy relationship between parents not an unhealthy one. You don't want your kids to think this behavior is normal and have someone leaching off them later in life. I see to many smart women have this happen to them. Your better than that you deserve to be with a man who is a man and you both are equal not you supporting him only. He needs to grow up maybe the best thing for him is for you to leave so he has to get off his butt and make something of himself. He won't marry you because he doesn't know what he wants in life but he wants to keep you as his security blanket. Don't let him and don't think because you have kids you have to stay. like I said before your kids are better off in a home where you are happy and not seeing his bad behavior. Also don't beat yourself up over this you were young when you got together you grew up he didn't. Now you just have to move on for yourself and kids , good luck :)
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