A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for around 2 and a half years. We go to college together, and graduate in May. He is from California; I am from NYC. I love NYC and he loves California, and we love each other very much -- we want to stay together, but neither of us wants to live on the other coast. He wants to work in Hollywood; I want to go into law. I don't know a single person in California besides him, and my family and friends are all on the east coast. He knows people on the east coast, but all his family and his closest friends from childhood are in California. He loves the laid back atmosphere of California, and hates the cold weather (he has SAD). I love the bustle of NYC, and get carsick at the drop of a hat, and migraines come with the carsickness; I also hate the idea of living in the suburbs. What can we do? What would you do?I know long distance indefinitely is a terrible idea, so we have talked about how if we want to make this work, one of us needs to give up their coast. How can we decide that? I'm so scared of losing either my family and friends and my home or of losing him, and I know he is too. I've been in many long term relationships, but I've never loved someone the way I love him, and i've never felt so compatible with someone -- we work so well together, rarely fight, always have fun even when we're doing absolutely nothing, etc. I'm really torn up about this, and would appreciate any advice you may have.
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (14 July 2016):
You two are both still young and should get to know each other more before you make such decisions. The "honeymoon" phase of college is great, but how will you both be when the real world hits like a tonne of bricks? When the time comes, and you are still dating each other, then try to plan visits to each other. See where it goes from there. Basically, don't rush into anything.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 July 2016):
 The thing is, if you both really wanted to be with each other then you would both compromise so that you could be together. I can understand you both don't want to leave your home. You are both still young so you have your whole future to think off. Meet up and sit down and talk to each other about it. See if you can compromise with each other to make it work. Long distance is hard yes, but it can work if you both work hard at it, but only if you both have a plan to be closer to each other in the future.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (11 July 2016):
"He loves the laid back atmosphere of California, and hates the cold weather (he has SAD). I love the bustle of NYC, and get carsick at the drop of a hat, and migraines come with the carsickness; I also hate the idea of living in the suburbs."
I think you are both in love with the idea of being in love. However, as for loving each other...not so much.
You have too many things in front of that thing you call love. People have moved across the world to meet the one they love, and you both live in the same country. If it was true love, a city would be the lease of your problems.
You love your life and life style, and he does his. I suggest you both wait and give it a few years. Last thing either of you want, is to move and then resent the other for moving.
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A
female
reader, Deeksha  +, writes (10 July 2016):
 The idea of leaving him may be so devastating that you may not even want not think about it. I suggest not to. Distance can't keep your family and loved ones away. You should try to move in with him and make sure you visit your family and friends every weekend or so. This way you don't have to leave both. Well I get about migraine and car sickness but if you part away you'll die of misery. And no who's moving. Don't give up on your relationship because of this. Don't think much about it. Instead get in and take the initiative yourself, without getting too intellectual about it. You can find a law college there. I am sure you will work it out. Be strong.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (10 July 2016):
 What sort of work in Hollywood does your boyfriend want to do, will there be further studies required or will he be job ready when he graduates?
Where do you intend studying law? How much competition will there be for you to gain entry to the education facility of your choice?
These questions and their answers may help you both to see your options more clearly.
If you are both adamant about where you intend living, ie East Coast or West Coast you will need to consider splitting up, or somebody is going to have to compromise, compromise may be easier depending on the answers to my question above.
If you DO decide you can live and study on the west coast it is very unlikely you will lose your family and/or friends. There are always planes and trains and buses, and the good old telephone and Skype and email and even snail mail, I think suggesting you are likely to lose your family is creating drama where there is none.
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