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female
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anonymous
writes: Í' m very panicked now. My husband is going though mid -life crises, after 20 and more year marriage. Does it sound very typical? I'm sure it is. He does not have sexual desire,or any other affection, or excitement toward me..Is it any min now ,that he will dump me,and finds a new love? What can I do? I keep hearing all the time, woman got dumped and destroyed, because they didn't see this coming. I do see this coming... My question is, should I leave , before he does, so I would be the one who has more,options?Or should I wait, until he steps down? What is the general opinion on this painful subject? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): Thanks so much!Some very kind support, and some bitter experience. I guess, I can't find out ,what is the future holds,he might gets better,and we will be the happiest couple on earth. Or we suffer like this 5 more years,and than he will make a move. No guaranties... I know , I might get hurt, if I wait, or make a tremendous mistake. Maybe the best thing would be , if I would prepare to leave ,but try to stay, with my best intentions. I'm just running out of steam... I tried too many thing. I wonder ,maybe there is something else I can't see? What do you think?
''Why are you waiting for this to happen? Why don't you do something about it? ''I was trying., but its been a long time.
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female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (21 October 2008):
 Hold your horses honey.
Not every man has a mid life crisis and buggers off, for a start. True a lot of mariages break down these day's but its not always the guy's fault.
If you are truly that worried that something is going on with him, then get him to talk to you. Be honest with him and tell him your feelings. Maybe you could also suggest going away together, and get back a little romance.
If he feels unhappy and doesnt want to make any effort to trying to put things right, then sugest you might like to think about your future with him. Babe! there is always a chance that he might not be interested anymore, but there is equally a chance that you are reading into things.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008): Why are you waiting for this to happen? Why don't you do something about it? If you are not sure how to overcome the problem and how to handle the situation maybe you should counsult a counselor to give you advice and assistance. You need not leave or wait for him to dump you. If you are pro-active you can do things to avoid your marriage from drifting any further or from falling apart completely. Maybe you can talk to him and explain to him how you feel. Ask him to join you with counseling to get your marraige on track again.
Maybe you can consider doing things to "spice" it up between the two of you again.After so long things might become a little stale and boredom and routine can be passion killers. Plan a few romantic surprises and don't be so negative. Be positive and do what it takes to keep your marriage alive.
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female
reader, PsychicDove  +, writes (21 October 2008):
 Hi Honey,
No, do not panic. You are not seeing, you are just in an echo-like state of mind, whatever you read or heard about broken relationships is echoing within your head and nothing else.
He will never cheat. I am psychic and I can see he won't. Dump those layers of fears that you have accumulated over the years if you want to dump anything instead of dumping your husband.
He loves you, the reason for his lack of interest in sexuality is sluggishness which happens due to imbalance of body chemicals and hormones. Like sluggish liver can make one dull.
He needs vitamin tablets and tonics. Apart from allopathic medicines, I suggest you treat both of your health conditions as well as relationship with a Japanese spiritual healing system called REIKI.
Google up for free reiki tutorials. Type 'free reiki attunements' and learn the system and heal your family to restore peace and laughter.
You can't leave someone just because your fears are screaming inside your head and when you do have a remedy to resolve this situation.
Take care okay?
~PsychicDove
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008): I was left after 20 years of marriage and it was and is extremely painful. Not only is it emotionally destroying it ruins all your finances and assets and all your possible retirement plans. Just like you I could feel this was 'coming' and in hindsight I wish I had jumped ship first. He became exceptionally moody, would not participate in any family activities and stayed out at work as long as he possibly could, normally going out for drinks after work and then not coming back till the wee small hours. I knew it was all on a downward spiral but I was comfortable and somewhat complacent. After my husband left I tried hard to re-interest him and get him back but he felt NOTHING for me or for the number of years we had been together. My advice would be discuss how the relationship is going, see if you can sought it out and if not then leave or get him to go. I am 45 and I wish I had jumped ship earlier as I feel I would have more chance of meeting someone and building a new life. My husband ofcourse met someone at work or on his various pub crawls and left. I wish I had had the upper hand in this because he has dictated all the divorce and I had to pay his costs, apparently it is normal for the respondant to pay. If you have the upper hand you can more or less push the person into what you want whether they like it or not. I saw it coming and did nothing, you are quite clearly switchd on so make the first move. If he takes the upper hand you will not be destroyed but it is not nice being dumped after so long and does take a lot of getting used to. I am about 2 years from when I realised he had lost total interest and was actively hunting for another and it is a year since he has lived with me and the children. It is quite soul destroying to begin with and confidence takes a severe knock but you do accept it - not get over it but accept it. I think women are extremely switched on and notice very small things which signify a change in the man even if he continues to tell you that everything is fine. In their 40's men start to look for women who are very sexual and who shower them with attention which we often don't as we know them inside out , have children, are doing other things and are tired. They normally start to date childless women who can go out to bars and hotels at night. Sadly these woman are predators and don't care that they are dating a married man with kids they just see the man as a meal ticket as most men have reached their career pinnacle by then. As soon as a divorce comes into it and the man is not going to be as wealthy as he was these woman suddenly lose interest. It is very sad but this kind of thing happens all the time and the fact that you are aware of this and have seen the signs is great. From experience if you are not happy and you can read the writing on the wall get in first. All the best,
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reader, VictoriaK  +, writes (21 October 2008):
 My boyfriend is a bit older than me, so I can tell you about my experiences. When going though a mid-life crisis most men find it terribly difficult to get aroused in the first place, just because they are having such a difficult time. If you have been married 20+ years, he must love you. I wouldn't leave him when he needs you the most. He's may not be saying it, but deep down he probably feels insignificant, and he probably is questioning alot about his life, and the choices he's made. Ya know, the "what-if's". Everyone gets them at some point of our lives. Think about it from his perspective. Would you want your biggest support to leave you because you were having questions about your life? I think not. It would hurt. So I say stick by him, I'm still sticking with mine, and so far, so good. Keep us posted, Good Luck, and Best Wishes, and remember if you ever need to talk about anything, I will gladly help you with anything you may need, as I have experience in this.
Victoria~
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