A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex is always trying to meet girls online and has been since 2008 when he was deployed. I didn't learn of this until a month after we started dating, in late 2009. Throughout our whole relationship, he was always on online dating sites trying to meet girls, the only time he wasn't was for about the first 2 or 3 weeks in our relationship. Granted, I lived an hour away from him and we mainly saw each other on weekends only (mainly his fault, due to the fact that he never wanted to make the drive to see me) but I thought I could trust him to remain faithful, especially since I was able to do so. I never mentioned to him that I knew he was on dating sites and I just dealt with it and tried to have faith that he loved me enough to never actually meet any of these girls. In January I told him that I wanted him to delete the accounts and he did. A week late he was back on the sites and I found out that he was making offers to meet these girls, and my gut told me that he would actually meet them if they allowed. I finally had had enough, or so I thought, and I broke things off with him. He told me that he was only on them to look at girls, but I knew it was a lie, especially since he refused to delete the accounts. My problem is, even after all this, I want to be with him. I keep having hope that he could change but I don't know how likely that is, and even if he did, I don't know if I could ever trust him again. We have an unborn child together and he has been being supportive, which makes me want him around more, so that we can be a family. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, romany  +, writes (22 June 2010):
 I would have to set him up, go online and make up a false name, arrange to meet, then go as yourself and confront him, hopefully seeing the slimeball meeting a stranger online will give you the gumption to kick him to the curb...maybe once he realises what a tosser he is, he will decide to change, but no one can change anyone, they have to want it, and change usually comes thru an experience.
Personally I dont think he will change without a massive kick up the arse, so you've got to be strong, and if you want a happy baby, you need to be happy too, and I think that will only happen once you stop fretting over what he is up to.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 June 2010):
Lesson 1 about men - We don't change 99% of the time. And for the 1% that we do, it's for ourselves and it is done over a long time (years).
He will always be the same man. He might adapt, and not go on the sites. But he will always be the man who went on those sites and offered those girls to meet up. There will always be a high chance he will do it again. He will certainly not have changed his ways in 6 months at all. He will still have the sites, he will still offer meets and he will still lie to you. Your baby deserves the best start possible in a reliable household with reliable people. Your baby does not need its mother to live with a man like this who will cause you sever pain. There is nothing worse for a child than seeing an unhappy parent. They always blame themselves for it. Sorry, but if you go back with this guy, not only are you degrading yourself and accepting poor treatment, but you're setting your baby up for heartache as well. Don't be with a crap man who doesn't care about you.
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