A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for over four years. It will be five in March. So I have been with him since I was thirteen. That's a lot of my young life. Sometime I think I've wasted it, and almost everyone tells me so, but other times I believe that I'm very lucky. However, its hard because we have different hopes about children and marriage. I would like them, but he wants nothing to do with them. Yesterday morning my boyfriend told me he had a dream that he beat me. I asked why he was beating me and he said he couldn't quite remember but he thought it was because I was doing one of those "stupid annoying things" that I "always do". I think this was sort of a reference to the night before. I found some old photos and picked them up to look at. He told me not to look at them. I pinched the side and ran my thumb down the end to get a quick flash at them (like you would do with a flip book). He yelled and got angry and said that he "told me before about that shit". So this is what I think he meant by annoying things I do. I said it was a bad dream and he laughed and said that he thought it was a good dream. So then I asked, "Would you really beat me in real life?" I expected him to joke around and say yes at first, then laugh and say no. But he flat out said "yes". I asked him about two more times if he was being serious and honest. All he said was "yes". Should I keep wasting my time and wait for this to happen someday, or find a new life already? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOnce again thanks for your time and thoughts. I realize you are all trying to help. But pvtguy really, do you think that a 5 year relationship starting at thirteen didnt require maturity and working at? Please dont make assumptions that i am immature and just want to give up. Last year, he went to college, which caused a TON of stress. I did almost break up with him one weekend because we fought everyday, I cried every night and when I tried to talk he would just get pissed. He does not talk about things like this. I am going to try to talk to him tonight and I will let you all know what happens.Now I will be honest. I will probably stay with him. I dont know if I dont believe him or if Im just this forgiving of a person. Or both.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): I don't like the way the whole situation came about...it sounds like a threat!
I also come from an abusive and controlling relationship.
The question here is not if you are going to have kids some day, but is he going to beat the shit out of you or even kill you someday!!! Tears of Pink knows, and so do I! Domestic violence is a process, starts off with threats, or punching walls, throwing things, and then escalates until you fear for your life. You are constantly walking on eggshells, afraid to go to sleep, afraid to come home from work. AFRAID ALL THE TIME!!
Stay Safe!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for taking the time to help me! Most of you told me to get rid of him, one didn't. I realize that if people that I dont know can tell me the same things Ive noticed myself, it must be bad. Its easy to say that if this were yourself, you'd get out in a second. I would say the same too, but it hasn't always been like this and I love him. I know he is a good person. With that being said, any advice on how to break up? what to say? how to deal?
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A
female
reader, Little Lisa  +, writes (4 January 2009):
You need to get out. You can't wait for him to do something bad. He sounds really controlling and if he can get angry over something so simple, he sounds dangerous. If a boyfriend spoke to me like that I would have dumped them on the spot. A relationship should be built on mutual respect, but it's clear if he can talk to you like this he has none. It's a shame you've waisted so much time on someone who quite clearly isn't a very nice person. Don't waist any longer, you only get one life.
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