A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im just a guy, pretty confuzed about this situation. i knew this girl for 4 years, as soon as we met we became best friends for a year, then decided to date which lasted 2 years. we broke up because another girl who was jealous of our relationship was giving me false info about my gf, and giving my gf false info about me.. basically turning us against each other. the breakup wasnt pretty.. after awhile i knew something wasnt right because in my 3 years of knowing my ex we did not fight one time about anything.. so i pursued my ex gf and got her friendship back and we realized what was behind our breakup. we have been friends for about 5 months now. we used to hang out and we would flirt, have a good time, basically enjoy each others company like how it was before we broke up. i am always away for the summers so we texted a lot and started flirting even more telling each other how we missed each other and cared for each other ect.. i was going to come back for the 4th of july and hang with her but my mom had to go to the hospital for stomach issues so i canceled. she has been ignoring me since then. i texted her a week after and asked her why she hadnt replied to any of my texts and she just said she was busy then ended the convo. she sent me a forward another week later about sending it to people you love and cant live without ect, so i replied and said aw thats nice of you but she ignored that. she sent me another fwd today saying 'if i die i need you to know i love you and you mean the world to me, hope to get this back' so i sent it back and she hasnt replied still. i really thought she liked me and wanted to get back together but she pretty much stopped making the effort. in that time ive been seeing another girl whom is less than interesting to see if it could get my ex talking to me again, but that hasnt worked.. i dont want my ex to think ive moved on with this other chick i just want to get her attention. she knows i always give in to her and she knows she has the upper hand when it comes to talking and stuff. im afraid she may be taking advantage of that power and making me feel ignored on purpose. im miserable without her and everyday just sucks thinking of all the memories we had. i guess i just need a little advice...
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best friend, broke up, ex girlfriend, flirt, get back together, I love you, jealous, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2011): Do you know if your ex has met someone new herself? That could explain the sudden apparent loss of interest...
I think there are two things you can do. Let go of the girl you've been seeing, if you haven't done so already. I don't need to tell you how hurtful and unfair it is to use a person to attract the attention of another, especially since it's rarely a successful tactic (as you yourself have observed!). Then ask your ex outright if she'd ever consider getting back together with you; if you still find yourself ignored or she says no, at least you'll be left in no doubt and can begin to move on.
Alternatively, stop waiting for her right now - and to be honest, I'd prefer this approach. Although the fact you broke up was influenced by a destructive third party, you must realise that you aren't the same people now as you were back then. You've both changed since, and even if you became a couple again it'd never be like before. More than that though, there are a couple of concerning things you need to acknowledge: *you* were the one who felt that there was more to your split than met the eye and pursued your ex to regain her friendship; after two years of dating you she should've known you better... why didn't *she* twig that something wasn't right? And what good reason does she have for treating you in such a cold way after she's been going along with all the fun and flirting up until now?
I guess what I'm trying to say is if your gut is telling you she might be taking advantage of having a sense of power over you by keeping you hanging on, listen. Sometimes we have to let go of a relationship to make way for a better one! Deep down, I think you know what's right for you. So follow your heart - and don't be afraid of where it'll lead you. Good luck and take care :)
A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (29 July 2011):
 I think you should ask her one more time why things aren't the same between you two anymore? If she doesn't reply or doesn't give you a straightforward answer, then I think you should stop trying to get with her. Maybe she's moved on or maybe she's afraid of another mishap happening between you two. But either way, she shouldn't have let that change things between you two. So ask her why things aren't the same, and if you don't feel she's being honest and straightforward, then it's time to stay in the friend zone and move on to someone else.
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