A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need advice, there is this girl that i have always liked who a few months ago i discovered liked me. The catch is she was with someone else. We agreed that we would not act on these feelings since it wouldn't be morally right. She broke up with him about a month ago, but we decided due to this and other circumstances that she wasn't ready for another relationship straight away. When we agreed on this is was the first time i'd been out together alone. So for the mean time i've just tried to be a good friend. She tells me a lot, and I try to help. She says im a great guy, and a few times has said she didn't know guys like me existed. She makes me feel special :).We see each other frequently, out with friends at least once a week. I don't know if it was just me, but she seem to back off me a bit (i felt as though she was chasing me in the beginning, and now our roles had reversed). I asked her if she still thought about me, and liked me like that, and she said yes. So last week i was thinking maybe she was wandering why i haven't asked to see her by myself, so i impulsively asked her if she wanted to do something last thursday, and she eagerly replied yes, however just as i was about to leave, she changed her mind and said it was getting late and that she had work in the morning. However, she said she would see me on the weekend at a friends house.At this mutual friends house, we ended up alone at one point. I had a while ago asked her about new years eve and found out that we both didn't have any plans, so i said to her if we both didn't have plans would she want to do something, she said for sure. Anyway i spoke to her later and she said that her dad was gonna be away and he has a place in the city and her, her other (female) friend and i could crash there for the night, but she would have to find out if it was available. I called her new years eve during the day to find out what was happening, and she said the place had already been taken by others, but her dad had bought a room for her and her friend in the city. So i was like oh ok, well i don't know what i'm doing for new years then. She said she really didn't feel like going to the city herself but since her dad had booked this place she should, but had no idea what she was going to do. I said to her it would have been nice to see her, and asked her if she wanted to do something later in the week, we organised to meet up today (wednesday). Later on, on new years eve she msged me saying that her and her friend ended up staying in their room doing girly stuff. Then at 11 she msged me saying i should come to the city to have good times, but i didn't get the message till 12, so it was a bit late. Which i was kind of confused why she didn't say anything earlier.She said she would call me this morning to organise exactly what we would do. She msged me instead saying that she wasn't feeling well, that she had been getting panic attacks frequently, and it wasn't just me, but she had been piking on everyone lately (even work). She said it totally wasn't becuase she didn't want to see me, she said she would hate for me to think that. I just replied saying that it was ok, that i understand, and that i hope she feels better. The thing is i do sort of understand, but at the same time im really confused. I keep convincing myself to let go of her as a potential gf and just be a good friend, but it's hard becuase I really like her, and she says and does stuff that make me think she still wants something. Should I try and talk to her and tell her how i feel, or should i just keep cool and leave her alone, and let her make the next move?
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female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (2 January 2008):
 Well, I think she knows how you feel, cause it is kinda obvious... so, just cool off for a while. Wait and see if she makes a move, and if she doesn't, then do something else in a couple of weeks but skip the hunting for a while. Sometimes we need some space to miss guys and then we start appreciating them more.
Good luck!
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