A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone. I am in a big dilemma. I just found out that I am pregnant. The problem is that my boyfriend is not supportive at all. He actually says that he doesnt want a baby with me.. I have already had two abortions, the last one in february. I am on the pill, but still I get pregnant.. I really feel like having this baby, I dont think that I will be able to go through the abortion prosess due to the fact that I everyday think about my unborn babies. My bofriend wasnt there for me, I went by my self to the hospital both times.. I have still two and a half years left till I am finished with my studies. I am indian, and I dont know what my parents will say.Should I keep this baby? Please give me some advise.Thank you
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (8 September 2011):
 I think your parents will wonder why you still give this guy the time of day, let alone keep him around as a boyfriend. He's absolutely useless.He doesn't want children right now. Fair enough, but to leave you swinging in the breeze to face two (possibly three) abortions by yourself is beyond the pale.Given all the options a woman has available to her BEFORE becoming pregnant, I'd say most of us were pro-choice. Abortion is another matter. Life begins at conception so that is a moot point, and there is no way for us to determine when the soul enters the body so to err on the side of caution I say, keep the baby and flush the boyfriend.As an aside, the effectiveness of the pill can be compromised by the use of other medications. For someone of learning such as yourself, your own lack of common sense is rather alarming. Becoming pregnant despite birth control twice before didn't motivate you to take additional precautions?
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (8 September 2011):
 Your boyfriend will not be there for you this time either. I do not understand why you want to be with a man who will not support you and stand by your side?
What are his reasons for not wanting a baby, and what are the reasons you have stayed with him? If you want a child yourself, and he never wanted one, what would be the point of being in a relationship with him then?
I do not know what the right choice for you is, but if I were you... I'd keep the child and go at it as a single mother, and break up with my boyfriend if he wasn't interested in supporting me. The law will make sure he pays for the child anyway.
But I think you would be much happier if you were free to focus on your own life, and the baby, and possibly find a man who will love you both, than stay with a man who you will resent for never supporting you about the pregnancies, or showing a willingness to take responsibility for his actions (a baby is made by TWO people, not just one).
Which choice will make YOU happier? You already did it his way two times, and you know that did not make you happy. This time I think you have every right to do what is best for yourself, with or without your boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 September 2011):
 Why didn't you BF be more adament about using a condom? BC is fairly safe but BC + condom is way safer.
You have to sit down and figure out if you can afford this child on your own, because he doesn't sound like he will stay if you keep it. Also I strongly suggest you find a counselor and talk this over. Having an abortion is a huge emotional scar that never heals on it's own.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): I am a pro-choice person, but also I don't think abortion should always be the answer, it shouldn't be "birth control" if you see what I'm saying.
If you've already had two abortions that is not only a lot on you physically but emotionally as well. You already say you think about your other babies so you already have sadness from it, and it isn't right of him to push you to do this again. Also if he isn't even there for you in such a sad time, then he doesn't sound like the best choice. Life can be hard and we all need love and support from our loved ones.
I say that if you want the baby you should have the baby, and leave him. He is a grown man and should know that if he doesn't want kids, and if birth control isn't working for you for some reason, he needs to be responsible, too. Wear a condom, if nothing else!
I don't know much about India, but if you are not able to keep the baby due to being unmarried, or your parents don't support it, can you give the baby for adoption? I know that's not easy to give your baby away, either, but at least you know that he/she will be alive and living with a family who couldn't have their own baby. It is a great gift to give.
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A
female
reader, Ima FreAk!  +, writes (8 September 2011):
 Hiyaaaa,
If you want the baby just keep it. No point in having an abortion no offence, first time ok might let you off but this is the second time.
The more you have an abortion the more karma your gonna get and plus getting an abortion is not a win win situation. Forgetting abotu the karma it can affect you and your womb and you might be infertile due to all the processes.
Honestly if your boyfriend isn't supportive just leave him and just have his baby, maybe some day he will realise that he's baby is out there and maybe come back to you.
If he doesn't there is always second chances, honestly get this one right don't have an abortion it's bad for the babies souls and it will hurt you even more psychologically and physically. Remember that you can always find another man that will cherish you and support you in anything that you do and wish.
Hope my advice helps!
Good luck!
Lots of love,
Ima FreAk!
x
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