A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HeyaWell i signed up to a dating site, honstly just thought id have a nose and see what it was all about... I wasnt expecting anything to come from it.I noticed a boy viewed me (that was pretty hot lol) so i messaged him... Hes from ireland and im from wales so at the time thought nothing of it as i just thought i maybe be one or two messages and that it. Well six months down the line and we are still talking and i feel silly saying this but i feel i might be falling for him. We get on so well and talk everyday from 6-9 and then 11-3/4 except on saturdays. At 1st we both just talked and swapped pics and so on thinking nothing ... We even agreed we need to met.. But then he come out with i didnt realise how much i like u and feel if we meet im scared we'll like eachother to much ... And we can never be together as we live in different countries and what if we met and we felt it stops us carrying on with our own lifes wen we go back home . So he decided he cant meet me. Although we did have a fall out over this, we agreed we can still be friends even if we dont ever meet and that we should maybe talk less... But we are still talking the exact same amount as we was before, and dispite feelin a little upset he never wants to meet me, i feel im beginning to like him even more and scared im going to get hurt. Iv told him how i feel and hes told me but still decides he cant meet and nothing will ever happen.. Which i kind of understand... We both agreed we dont want to lose eachother as friends as it is rare to find someone u get on so well with, but i feel its goin to end in me getting hurt. Weved said if we meet someone we need to end it yet when i do go out and talk to other guys i compare them to him... Really i just need some advice on how i should deal with this suitation... Should i carry on talkin but keep telling myself we are just friends or face facts he will never be mine and will meet someone one day and just be greatful we knew eachother or just cut all ties and although it will be hard face it would never work ... My heads so confussed cos i really enjoy talkin to him yet he feels he never wants to meet me ... Please help heads everywere :(
View related questions:
different countries Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 August 2014):
 OOPs it was 'Preserve your memories,they're all thatd left you not Treasure your memories, either way you get the idea. who cares if you ever meet? Live for the emotion of the moment and don't tie them nown with the "What if' strings.best of luck
A
male
reader, olderthandirt +, writes (13 August 2014):
Back in the old days, we had what they called pen pals. I got into a similar situation with a girl in san Fransisco, I was in Hawaii and a friend of her ex. e exchanged photos and agreed we should meet someday. that day never came, i still think of her at times(that was around 50 years ago) and I suspect she might have a thought or two once in a great while. those kinds of relationships are good for the soul. when you are young you can have fantasy without guilt. The only thing I'd offer towards your issue is to treasure each and every feeling as long as you can because as the lyrics in Old Friends by Siman and Garfunkle say, Treasure your memories for they're all thats left you. If you keep a journal, good, if not, start one because this winw in yourlife will be atreasure you will want to take out and look at later in life. good Luck and don't worry if you never meet face-to-face. th illusin is already carved into your brain lucky you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2014): I do think its best to forget and ignore how you feel for him.
Number 1
Your worlds apart.
Number 2
You dont know if he really cares for you. You will always question his actions because of the distance between the 2 of you.
Number 3
If you continue.
It will hurt you all the more. Making yourself believe that maybe you and him will still come true.
Sometimes we have to be practical. Leave fantasies. Face reality.
He maybe worth it. But he maybe not too. Plus he already said he dont want to see you. I guess his being sincerely after your feelings too. Not just his. What if in real life his married. Or he has a serious gf.
You dont know that. So he is suggesting not to meet.
I still think it would be better to meet someone who is just in the same place or country your in. Why? So u know if his lying or truthful. Plus you can date him anytime u want. In real. Hold and kiss him real time.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (12 August 2014):
 No. Don't keep talking to him. You need to step away from messaging him and rejoin your real life. He is escape. You are using this relationship to avoid dealing with your real life.
Be thankful you are questioning this now and see the learning opportunity this has presented.... you are in charge of your own life and can make healthy choices! Start today!
What do your real life friends think about him?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2014): If you can't keep the friendship in the realm of reality, you should end it and move on.
Most people need more than chatting and swapping pics to form emotional bonds with people. You've never met, and you've invested too much of your time. So if that's all the romantic stimulation you allow yourself, you'll fixate. Come on, how can you compare people you've actually met with someone you haven't?
We are not the people we are behind a screen. There is more to our personalities than an image you see, and what we can type. We even unconsciously change the tone of our voices and our speech-pattern when we talk to people on the phone.
You have formed more in your imagination than reality can back-up. The difference between typed conversation and the spoken word is "emotion." I can teach you things, I can give you advice; but I can't convey the things humanity brings to being in your presence. So let your connection to the guy stay friendly, but not too romantically-attached.
You can't really write exactly what you feel. With inflection and passion. The emotion can only be imagined in writing; but you actually feel it when it is conveyed to you in-person, with the warmth of humanity to offer it to you the way nature intended it to be given.
You just can't match or capture the emotion. Just make it sound pretty when you read it, but expressing what you feel has to be emphasized with your facial expression, the warmth in your eyes, tone in your voice, and body-language.
Being in close proximity and sharing space puts the icing on the cake. You're not getting all this.
That's what makes it all "real." So he's just a friend, and only that. Someone you like, and keep in-touch with online. That is the full extent of it.
A Hallmark card can be emotional, but it isn't real emotion. There is no substitute.
You are infatuated with an image of a person, not the real person.
He may be ill-tempered, awkward, clumsy; or he may have a lot of undesirable habits and quirks you find absolutely appalling. Not to be revealed, until you actually meet him.
We aren't challenged when we speak through a phone, we are on our best behavior, and you can't scrutinize quirks that you must experience in-person to know a real-person. Online, he is flawless. Friendly, has no temper, and he's easily forgivable.
Most of us have to be up-close and personal to learn to love someone. Not based on what you imagine them to be like; as you have. Get a grip on it, girlfriend. You deserve the full-package. That's what it's about. Don't fall in-love this way.
He's a pen-pal and you've gotten too attached. Going so far as saying you'll "get hurt" is pushing it, just a bit!
How can you be hurt? The worst thing that can happen, is he'll stop contacting you; and you'll have to face reality again. That wouldn't be hurtful, it will bring you back down to earth. You're really turning this into an imaginary-romance; when he tells you over and over, you will not meet and he doesn't want to lose touch with reality. You have anyway.
You must get out more. You must not lose your ability to interact with men face to face; by hiding behind screens on a digital device.
That will become the only way you know how to interface. I know people like that, and it's sad. They become socially awkward and reclusive. It isn't healthy. Keep it friendly, and keep it real. Make more friends, and challenge yourself to be charming and social. That is necessary to keep your feminine appeal and social graces intact; in order to keep you in demand among single and available men for dating.
Not holding on to a dream to meet someone living in another country, who even tells you to stay grounded.
Enjoy the warmth of human-contact, and don't be afraid of allowing yourself to be vulnerable and appealing by allowing people to know you just as you are. Hiding online is cheating. You want to meet him. He seems reluctant to do that. That is because, he may not live up to the perfect image you have created of him; or he has created for you.
...............................
|
