A
female
age
41-50,
*emmenoir
writes:Hi,i am feeling quite worried about whether i should remain with my bf, or just break up with him, because of what i am being told by my close male friend who lives overseas.My bf and i are very close and have been together for some time now.He tells me he adores me, he wishes to meet my family some day soon, he has told me i am a huge part of his life and that i am a priority in his life and he loves having me in his life.He tells me he loves me daily and that he would like to build a strong, positive and happy future with me and that he does not want others getting in our way, especially my ex.Having said all of this, my male friend that i converse with regularly, tells me every time, that i must be very careful about my bf, because he may have another secret lover and he will tell me anything, as most men do, just to be able to have sex with me, which btw, we haven't done anyway.He always tells me that my bf will say anything that he knows i want to hear, just to have the luxury of having 2 women secretly.This happens often and as my male friend is a qualified counsellor, i really am very worried, although i really have nothing concrete to go by, as to ever doubting my bf, minus a few cards that i've accidently seen in his home, from a woman that i feel he must have had a strong bond or connection with, just before we met, or perhaps even while we were getting to know eachother online.I am sure this union would be over now though, since he has vowed his complete love for me.I did ask my bf in a non-direct manner if there was anybody else in his life and he told me that if he were in love with another woman, he would not be with me.Because of my friend, i now doubt whether or not, my bf is actually telling me the truth and although i do trust him, i must confess that my friends words are affecting me mentally.I have had exs who were quite flakey, but i do trust my current bf and i don't wish to start doubting him, just because my male friend seems to think otherwise.The problem is that he does get to my head, then i take it out on my bf with mild forms of negativity and /or insecurity and i don't wish to scare him away, or make him think that i have some kind of emotional disorder.I am by nature, a very positive, happy and strong individual, so this is quite odd for me.What should i do and can anybody offer me advice.Thank you in advance. :-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2014): Your friend has witnessed your drama through past relationships, and may know how you tend to throw yourself deep into what I sometimes call "romanticized" love.
You get swept away with being told how much you mean to some man, and this guy says "I love you" all the time.
He's a romantic, and sounds like a lady's man. To us guy's that translates to bullsh*t artist.
Your friend knows you pretty well, and the fact you've had some "flaky" exes. He is just trying to keep your head out of the clouds. You're misinterpreting what he's trying to tell you. You like the guy so much, you feel the advice you're being given is intended to discourage you, or kill your joy. Don't take it that way.
You're a grown women, you're responsible for your choices. You're the one who has to live with the consequences. It's your life.
Don't pour yourself too much into a lot of "verbalizing" about "love." I agree with your friend, only to the extent that I feel actions speak louder than words.
You're an adult, and you know that you have to take risks; or you'll never find a working relationship. However; taking risks is not synonymous with being reckless or foolish.
Just make sure you behave according to your age; and draw on your past experience to keep you sensible and grounded. I think that is the point your friend is making. I know exactly where your friend is coming from. He is just making sure you're not over-come with bliss, and falling vulnerable to a player. You're on "cloud 9!"
I just feel a little cautious around guys who like to pour it on too thick. I'm gay. I have the benefit of knowing how men think first-hand. I'm a man.
I don't look through the eyes of a cynic, but I see through the eyes of experience. I just don't let myself be carried away with being told things that make me blind with emotion. Women are different. Emotion drives you ahead of logic in relationships. Men are more analytical; which may not be as appropriate in romantic situations.
Pursue your relationship, but stay grounded. Don't let sweet-talk get you so intoxicated you can't see reality.
Enjoy what you have; until you have something concrete to make you feel there is anything shady going on.
Sweet-talk is bullsh*t. Just don't let yourself count too much on it. Players know how to tell women exactly what they want to hear. They are charming, seductive, and manipulative. Use your experience, intellect, and maturity to your advantage. Stay on top of things, and you'll be just fine. You've got a good friend watching your back, and DC to keep you level-headed and poised.
When a man is good to you, spends his time with you, and shows you respect. That is what you look for. It's nice he is affectionate and romantic. Just don't feed on being told a lot of things. He has to demonstrate his feelings by being loving, "faithful," and affectionate. No one can guarantee he isn't seeing other women.
I think it's about time he meets your family; so they can give him their over-view and tell you what they think of him. Why hasn't he met them? Are you afraid they'll have the same opinion of him as your friend?
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (13 August 2014):
 You are in your 30s, you have been with your boyfriend for some time now, why is it that he hasn't met your family?
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