A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I dated a single mother for 2 and a half yrs. During the first 3 months I kept a lie about sleeping with my ex before I met her. To me I felt at the time I shouldn't have to spill out some thing in my past in which I wasn't really happy with and didnt want her to judge my friendship with my ex. Plus we just started dating. But after the 3 months of dating, I told her the truth... from then on I've lost her trust. After telling her I've been trying to gain her trust for 2 and half yrs. I showed her everyday.... seriously... from being there emotionally and physically... going way above and beyond for both her and her son. We've became a great team ... a loving family and more in love than before. But she still dwells in the past and can't forgive me for my lie. Every month we'd fight and argue about what happen. So in order to keep the peace I've stopped going out...stop hanging with my friends because there is another girl (let's call her Mary) in which she thinks I've cheated on her with. By the way, Mary shares the same circle of friends as I do. Where ever there is going to be a social event with my friends...Mary is most likely going to be there. I've tried to have Mary talk to my girlfriend... but Mary knows how my girlfriend is and refused to get involved with the drama. Which makes it harder because my girlfriend feels something has happen btwn Mary and I because she refuses to talk to her.So for the past year and half... I've been MIA from my friends in order to try to fix our "home". But through it all... the high cost is losing my friends.Another issue is that she can't get along with my sister. My sister knows me best and knows I wouldn't hurt my girlfriend. My sister sees how I've gone above and beyond for my girlfriend and her son... she sees that I no longer have my friendships anymore and that the relationship has been very controlling because I have this fear of losing my little "family". My sister has tried to talk some sense to her... but she's so set in her ways and dwells with my mistake about that one lie that I made in the past. Now that they can't get along... I'm now in the middle. My girlfriend makes it seem like I have to choose btwn her and my sister. I tried to mend things btwn them... but both are really stubborn. Where ever I go my girlfriend is allowed to come.. we've made that agreement. But because she has a son... it's practically impossible to find a babysitter. So now it's become, if she can't go out... I can't go out. As for her... I don't mind her going out with her girlfriends ...because I'm willing to let her go out while I babysat for her. But since it's the new year... I told her I need to reclaim my friendships that I've been losing. So there recently there was this event with my friends... my girlfriend chouldnt go out because of her son.. but told me I should go out without her. In which I did. Mary was at this event. but I stayed clear from her to give my girlfriend respect. But I return home... I told my girlfriend that Mary was there to let her know I'm not hiding anything... she flips out and now we've broken up.I don't know what to do anymore. The past 2 and half yrs I've dedicated my life to her and her son. I want to work things out with her. But she said she can't change how she thinks. I want to help her and show her that she can trust me. But yet she's very jealous at every girl... she doesn't trust me and always thinks I'm up to no good. It really upsets me...that we broke up over her thinking I'm dishonest with her and unfaithful to her. We had such potential... we had the love.. we had the family.. but she couldn't see that she could trust me. She's a sweet girl...the type you marry... just that she acts nutty at times when it comes to these issue. Now I feel lost. I'm a family man... I had the girl that I've wanted... and I had her son... in which I've grown to love as my own. I need advice... should I try to try to win her back... but knowing that she'll always be like this and that I'll have to go through my life MIA from my friends and that she can't get along with my sister? Should I just let her and her son go (my little "family") and try to rebuild my life and start off fresh? It's so difficult.... I don't want to lose them.-Lostboy
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): Don't go back to her thats actually what she wants you to do is come back begging if she has forgiven you be now she won't. She will never respect you. You should never give up friends and family for a love. Run run as fast as you can and maybe you should ask Mary out.
A
female
reader, girl from bristol  +, writes (3 February 2010):
hi i think you should forget her as she should not make you lose friends and not aloud out if she cant trust you it wont work i dont know why she does not trust you as the mistake was before you met so you did not cheat on her and were free to see who ever you want
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): HUH ?? The part I'm missing is what business does your girlfriend think she has what you did or who you slept with "BEFORE" you even met her ????????? Respect is both given and earned. Your girlfriend is doing neither. She has NO right to be indignant about you "cheating" with anyone before she even met you. You have given it your all for 2 1/2 years, including foresaking all your friends. How dare she demand to know about your past. Has she told you she had sex with another man and produced a child?? Did she also tell you about every other person she's had sex with before she met you?? (I bet not eh?) I know you believe you and her are a "team" but honestly,,from your description She is the "BOSS" and you are the "employee" whom she doesn't trust. She can't change her "thinking" my arse! She has experienced 2 1/2 years of what most women would consider a perfect man and it means nothing to her. Know it hurts,, but listen to your sister, she's right, you deserve better and you deserve a life than includes friends both male and female. And most importantly you deserve someone who trust's you as much as you trust them.Ther is NO "I" in Team,, your girlfriend doesn't understand the concept. You really want a life where she makes all the "rules" and calls all the shots ?? (Yes you no doubt love the child to peices, but this woman is toxic to your life)
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