A
female
age
36-40,
*aris09
writes:Hi, my boyfriend of four months broke off with me 2 months ago. We work in the same company but different divisions. It's a large company and we don't have to see each other everyday. We have no work relations too. But we do hang out in the same clique about once or twice a week. When we ended things, it was horrible as we both still loved each other. He wanted to end the relationship as he felt that I did not love him enough and the relationship wasn't going anywhere. He didnt want us to waste each other's time. I told him I did love him but it was too late. At that time he had already wanted to end the relationship. I was crying everyday as i felt that he didn't understand my love. We were together for just a few months and I had begun to really love him deeply when he ended it. I explained myself but he was very stubborn in his thinking and only thought about how badly hurt he was. He feels that he was always giving and I do not reciprocate his love.For the first month after our split, we limited face contact and communicated through text. I maintained my friendly chatty style while His responses to my text were unusually brief, and i was very upset about them. But i knew i shouldn't be. There weren't many, probably a couple of text to and fro to see how each other is getting by. A few weeks back I got very emotional and texted him asking him not to be so cold towards me. I was unstable and despite knowing that it's wrong, I did it anyways. He replied me with a chunky message saying how I didn't stop him frm breaking up and now he is still the one initiating contact (not entirely true, but majority of the time) and that he still thinks of me but he will stop doing so. I still think of him everyday and I always think to myself "what if". I know I love him and he probably still loves me too. He has since stopped initiating contact with me. I don't know if I should be doing something about us. As much as I love him, we are very different, not just in expressing our love but in life as well. He chose to end it without consulting me and working things out. I cannot picture myself begging him to cone back. Perhaps its pride. There are also many things which he does not see. He chooses to remember all my rejections from the past and not the happy times we had. He could not be truly happy with me. It feels like either way forward we will break up again.But I can't forget him completely when i still see himOn a regular basis. we have the same clique of friends at work. they were his friends first, I joined the company much later and he was the one who introduced me to them.Should I stop hanging out with them in a group and move on with life without him, or stick on trying to be friends with him, keeping him in my life. I'm so troubled.
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female
reader, Paris09 +, writes (8 February 2011):
Paris09 is verified as being by the original poster of the question
Dear Aunt Agonies,
Thank you all very much for the supporting words. I have been trying very hard to be strong and get over him. I guess I grew weak and caved in. You guys are right, thinking about all the possibilities made me so emotional and I start doing all the wrong things. He is my first serious relationship and I took a long time to accept him. I was too inexperience in relationships for someone my age. My pace was probably too slow for him.
Socially, there are some events which I have committed myself to and will be attending them. I guess wanting a platonic friendship now and expecting him to still treat me nicely and wanting to still care for him is out of the question and not something people do with their ex.
I must remember that and stop thinking of what ifs and accept that this is over. Thank you all again.
A
male
reader, Soldier_X  +, writes (7 February 2011):
 Tough question. I suppose the answer really depends on whether or not you think you can still love him without wanting him as well. Haven't had any long relationships myself, but my little brother broke off a long one, and the two of them remained friends but quickly began dating other people.
I wound up attending the same college as his ex, and still watch over her, as she grew close to the family. I think their breakup worked because they were both able to move on. Now I'm not gonna go quoting Doug Horton. From the way it sounds your boy figured it wasn't going to work. If he's not seeing anyone else already, I see no reason to suspect he broke up with you for selfish reasons. That said, you can't exactly quit your job and move away. If he honestly wants to be friends, then try to be a good friend in turn.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): I think you should move on. It's too much of a hassle and that's not how a relationship or friendship should be. Maybe in 20 or 40 years you might find him mentally stable and therefore capable of being consistent at which time you should consider bestowing upon him the privilege/reward of being your friend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): If you can stop thinking 'what if'. It will drive you mad and you won't find any answers. It seems he saw faults in the relationship that you did not, but you can only be 'you'. And someone will love you for just being you. You cannot second guess what people want from you. He actually sounds a bit self-obsessed and needy to me. Don't let him blame you or anything you did - in the end it just didn't work out - that's that. I would cease any more contact, texts etc. And try to draw away from socialising, for the time being, in groups where he will be. Go and do other things. If it troubles you trying to be friends - then don't. You don't have to be friends. It's OK and people who are joint friends will understand. Most people have been in the same situation from time to time.
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